without there being a death in the family! I'm proud of myself, I chose not to participate in that one-sided brawl. Of course, I had the earplugs jammed so far in that I needed tweezers to get them out! In the past I would have got mad back and made it worse.
Apparently, they passed a law that says I must automatically like everything my husband does, but he doesn't have to like anything I do. guess they'll have to haul me to jail, I'll never be a moldable lump of clay.
Sometimes I think he's trying to drive me to drink, gives him something over me, probably to make himself feel better about his own shortcomings. Most of the time, I think I can hold out until the kids are grown, some days I wonder.
Could be that better conflict mediation and resolution skills are needed all around here. It is very hard to really know what another person is thinking and what their motivations are. When there is conflict, which there is inevitably in any relationship, especially close ones,, it is a real skill to know how to resolve them together. My family and I got into bad patterns which only further polarized us. We didn't really see, nor in our anger did we want to, the human and good intentions of the other person. Our compassion was not there,, in our anger,, and we treated them almost as war time enemies. Sometimes those negative patterns, on everyone's part, just really make any constructive progress impossible. We like, of course, to put ALL the blame on the other person, but that doesn't really help anything.
In AA and in alanon,, we focus on doing self-improvement, through the 12 Steps. Progress has to start somewhere,, and we start it with our selves.
I'm glad you come to share and to think and to get the perspectives of others. That's what I do too when I feel stuck and need to get beyond what my current coping skills are for some new ideas that might work better.
keep coming, we can make progress on our recovery journeys together,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
. Apparently, they passed a law that says I must automatically like everything my husband does, but he doesn't have to like anything I do.
I don't know how long you've been sober, nor do I know your "story" however, here's something I do know: a lot of times family members fear what they don't understand, plus, if you're like me, you promised a million times you'd stop drinking and you didn't. When I finally did get sober, no one believed I meant it. Why should they, I'd lied to them soooo many times before...... THEN, when my then boyfriend realized I was getting "better" and he'd lost control, well, he couldn't handle that either. He wanted me just like I was, except without the getting drunk part. NO DICE! I went to AA for my drinking, I stay in AA for my thinking and he couldn't deal with it.
Keep your chin up, Michelle.
Love and Hugs.
-- Edited by Doll at 19:52, 2006-02-22
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
