I just thought i might share with you last saturday..
The last few weeks i have been so pissed on friday night that iv been able to do bugger all saturday..
Well last friday i did drink, i did get drunk but i didnt go ott.. I was able to get up saturday morning and go fishing with my dad.. We caught bugger all.. But it was a nice morning.. 90% of the lake was still ice. and a couple of times i cast too far and my float skated accross the ice.. . lol.. It was so nice.. i was sat by the lake with my head clear enuf to think about what i was doing.. the week before i was stuck at home in my room too f**kd to do anything.. too hung over and still affected to drive.. I did drink to much though sat night to be able to do much sunday.. but least i got out and lived for a change..
Omg. yeah. i forgot.. Cos of my drinking my room is usualy slobby, carrier bags and cr*p all over the floor, but i woke up in a kinda panic bout my life and the state of my room.. i got up and in less than 2 hours i had cleared all the cr*p off my floor, stuff into bin, tidied, shake and vac'ed the floor and even cleaned window sills of mold/moisture.. .. omg. does my room look so much better and do i so feel better.. I woke up last saturday morning feeling awful in myself for drinking for living like such a slob.. but within a few hours i was sat by the lake, not too far away, fishing with a fairly clear head and feeling amazing for sortin my room out.. I had woke up with my confidence in the - and within just a few hours i was well into the +.. Alot of that was due to the fact i hadnt gone OTT the night before.. obv the goal is to not drink at all.. but abit a time.... right?
Just wanted to share that day with you cos it was best day iv had in a long while.. Hopefully with weekend coming i might post similar... we shall see.
"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 44~
I had just sent you a long Private Message, but have to say I was really happy to see your Post.
And that day on the water with a Clear head, and a better day, A GREAT BIG DEAL!
Well I do have to say that i spent over 10 years, in and out of the AA Program, leaving with the committment, that what I would do, would be to gradually cut back my drinking, so i was in better shape, when i started AA.
Those thoughts took me up to the Gates of Insanity and Hell. No other nice way to put it.
This cucumber had definitely turned into a Pickle, and I was going to be the only one around that was going to be successful in turning myself back into a Cucumber. It nevered happened.
This Astrologer told me once, he was referring to lifes opportunities, nothing to do with AA. Anyway, what he said to me was "pay attention to the Rungs of Opportunity that you will feel drifting by in you life, they are opportunities, that you can grab a hold of, or you will know when they have passed you by"
He was a former Jesuit Priest, and a brillant man, I say that because there is generally such a stigma to the word Astrologer.
So my friend, glad you Posted, and send you my prayers that you can have more clear-headed Saturdays all in a row.
hi, Rob.. I'm glad you enjoyed fishing with your dad. I'm glad you had a clearer head for a bit so you could feel how nice that really is... imagine how nicer to be even clearer.
keep coming,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Glad it all turned out OK, Rob...... Just start over...... I used to keep a spotless house, kid was all but spit shined, went all to cook dinner EVERY night and huge meals on Sunday. Recently found out I did all of this b/c I thought if my "stuff" was in order, no one would notice I drank, and alkies live in squaller right !! Man! that was some stinkin' thinkin'
You hang in there.... you're in my prayers...
love and hugs
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
.. hope all you guys are ok..