I have not had a drink in 8 days but I can't seem to get anything right and I'm really getting on my husbands nerves. I bounced a check and now have several overdraft charges. Then my car broke down. My husband said it's because of the way I drive and he is going to have to pay for my mess up again. Today is his birthday and I invited the family over. I came home from my meeting this morning and took something out of the freezer to make for everyone. I was in a hurry to get to work and I must of forgot to shut the freezer door. I usually come home for lunch but because my car is not working I didn't. I would of at least caught it. My husband got home and called me to tell me that everything in the freezer is thawed. I am just one disappontment after another.
It is just one thing after another. He is so mad at me. Before hanging up he said he thinks this AA is frying my brain and making me worse. His parting words where Happy Fing Birthday to me. I am praying to get tonight over without screwing anything else up. I can't go to a meeting because I have a house full of people coming over.
Sorry I'm just venting. Just so upset with myself again. I just want to crawl under a rock and die.
Hi. You have done several things right today. You woke up sober; You went to an AA meeting; You have 8 days of sobriety under your belt; You came to this board; You planned a nice family get-together for your husband's birthday; You started preparing for that in advance; You went to work and I am sure the list goes on and on of wonderful things that you have done.
The things you described are things that happen to all of us. I sometimes blame myself too for things that go wrong or less than satisfactory. I remember when I was a week into sobriety, my thinking was unclear, I was detoxing, my sleep was disrupted and what little sleep I got, I woke up in horrible sweats and had bad nightmares. Try to remember that your mind and body are in a healing process. Be kind to yourself. If your husband or anyone in your life is impatient with you especially during this time when you are working so hard to maintain your sobriety, I hope that you can let it go and not let it bring you down. If they have issues then that is their problem. You take care of you and I hope that you go easy on yourself, because from what I am hearing you are doing everything right! You are staying sober and congratulations on 8 days!!!! Be proud of yourself because you certainly deserve it!
Wow, BTY, ... What a great reply post ... She's right Marie, I expect your brain at 8 days in, is going 100 MPH ... and concentrating on any one thing is extremely difficult ... Don't try to get one year sober in 2 weeks ... it takes time to heal both body and mind ... ... ... for right now, just admit you screwed up and that you do your best to get better ... that's all anyone could ask of you ...
So continue to go to meetings and talk to other alcoholics and you'll see that most of us have had days like you're describing ... you see?, we're all the same here, a group of drunks helping each other to not drink ... cause you know, there's not a problem in the world that a drink or a drug won't make worse ...
Continue to make sobriety your number one priority in life, and everything else will work itself out, promise ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi Debird. you're going to have to slow down a little and focus on small details. What's happening is that your body has learned how to cope with your drinking, and now will have to learn to cope without it. It takes a little time and some concentration. Basically you're going to have to learn to do simple things over again, sober. The technical term for this lack of focus/coordination is Post acute withdrawal. If you google that you will find the Book "Staying sober" a guide to relapse prevention by Terri Goski. If you put P.A.W.S. in the search on this forum you will find excerpts from his book.
Thank you all. The dinner went well and nothing else went wrong. I forgot that I'm not sleeping and my emotions are all over the place and I'm supper sensitive. I really wanted a drink to calm down but I prayed to Mom to help me and I made it. Now I'm going to try and relaxe and I hope for more than 2 hours of sleep tonight.
God Bless You All. Your posts and meetings help to get me where I need to be. Sober
Awesome. So glad to hear this. Here's something that you may find encouraging - In my early recovery, I began to notice that these types of 'bad days' had a different effect on me than they did when I was still drinking. When I was drinking, every bad thing that happened seemed to have a cumulative effect, wearing me down more and more.... but once I got sober, and I had a bad day and got through it without a drink with the help of AA, I noticed that these days seemed to have the opposite effect - each tough situation that I got through sober seemed to be giving me proof that I could really do this, and that my life was going to be okay. Sure, bad days still sucked when I was in the middle of them, but afterward there was often a sense of confidence and reassurance from this new evidence that I really could stay sober, not just through the good times, but through anything, as long as I made sure I did what I needed to do for my sobriety. Keep up the good work, debird17!
I was a trainwreck at 8 days...I'd be lucky if I could find the freezer. Think about the things you have to be grateful for....You're doing great Marie....Thank God for another day sober....Everyday will get a little better. Take a deep breath...And take it easy on yourself. That was a great post BTY...
Wise posts above. I agree with Dean and the others who are stating this is prolonged withdrawal. P.A.W.S. symptoms can last up to a year to 18 months (lessening all the while)....I recall doing very forgetful and clumsy things for that entire first year. I was embarrassed at times too. BUT - AA and my sobriety meant more than anything so it was ultimately still much better than the alternative.
I am concerned about the messages you are getting from your husband. I know you can't make him supportive but it is a shame that when people get angry and frustrated with us for our disease, they also stay angry and frustrated for a while and sometimes that spills over to them being angry and frustrated with the treatment for alcoholism too. Don't forget - that is HIS issue. AA will save your life. Your husband is not your higher power and if he says you "screwed up" that's on him also. You have done some wonderful things in the last 8 days with the help of your higher power. Some people can't stay sober a day...so you ROCK! Believe that.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Great advice above! I am so glad that you had a nice dinner last night. I cannot imagine me preparing a dinner for others that early in sobriety! It is hard to tell what guests would have ended up eating.
...another thought, debird, I have several months of sobriety and still do things I don't understand why I did them! I still am pretty absent minded and wonder if I have many brain cells left up there. I do have a good support system, with the members on this board, in AA, as well some family members and a long time friend who all encourage me. I lost hope in myself long before they did. Of course, the most powerful support system I have is with my HP, who I can go to anytime and ask for guidance, He's watching my back and no one wants to see me succeed in this program and stay sober more than He does. I have had ones who have not been as supportive and I am now trying to not let them get to me and walk away when I see that happening. Of course, it is hard for you to do that with your husband, but if you can just imagine yourself in the present moment, being sober and loving yourself while any negativity is going on, and saying to yourself that words cannot hurt you, but drinking over words. events, etc. surely can. I have found this is very helpful for me. It helps me stay in control and not get sucked into all that crap. And you know what, since I have been able to change my own actions and responses instead of trying to change someone else, I have been feeling much better about myself!
I'm sad for you that your husband isn't being supportive. At 8 days, all I really did was go to meetings, I was a trainwreck. I am grateful that I had and still have the undying support of my husband. I pretty sure that active alcoholism permanently fried my brain, 7 years sober and I can't remember a thing! Congrats on 8 days, and keep up with your meetings, don't let the negativism of the husband get to you. Maybe you could speak to him and explain that his comments and criticisms aren't helping you at all?
Hi Marie, As you've seen already, the good folks here have lots of great help and encouragement to give you. Try to believe that things are going to get better. In the past, we've all been through everything you're going through, and felt everything you're feeling. Trust God, work the Steps, go to meetings, and you'll see miracles. Blessings.....Mike D.
doesn't matter what happens in my day, as long as I lay my head on my pillow at the end of the day and I didn't drink, it was a successful day. accept I am human and will make mistakes.
now throw out the arse kikin machine.
