Thought i would check in. Spent the afternoon with my sponsor. Had an opportunity to go see my kids but there are things that i NEED to keep working on. i have SO much anger and resentment towards her right now that some days its almost unbearable. Lots of prayer and meditation gets me through the tough spots............
Hang in there ST, ... we created a lot of destruction in our lives before we got here ... that just means it'll take a lot of work to try and repair some of the damage ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
If I'm correct you posted earlier you were working on the 8th step ST?...This sounds like something that needs to be addressed first. Maybe I misread that.
I agree with the idea of doing an honest inventory about the resentment that is making life unbearable right now. Don't forget....resentment is the #1 Offender. It kills us alcoholics. Blessings, Mike D.
So there's this woman in our group who never lasts more than about 6 months. Alcoholism has put her in a position where the authorities manage the care of her child and there are periodic assessments of her suitability as a parent. At the very mention of the authorities and the power they have over her, you can see her light up with resentment, she will fight even though it is hopeless.
Typically what happens is the assessment doesn't go her way, she gets resentful, she gets drunk, and it's back to square one except the authorities have even more cause to doubt her.
Her new sponsor has her working at step one, even though she has been sober nearly six months. I don't think she has a problem with step one. The burning issue to me is the resentment, that's what will take her back to drink. I am often wrong of course but time will tell.
Thanks for posting Standing Tall and so glad you got to see your kids. I too struggle with the resentments part, but I think most of mine are towards myself for screwing up my life so much with alcohol.
Her new sponsor has her working at step one, even though she has been sober nearly six months. I don't think she has a problem with step one. The burning issue to me is the resentment, that's what will take her back to drink. I am often wrong of course but time will tell.
I don't think you're wrong at all...I do think holding somebody back like that can be deadly. For myself...There really was no relief for me till I finished my fifth step...That was the first time I felt like I had a chance.
You're right about that PC...I left my 30 day rehab early after 14 days...All I did there was read the book. I got out...Went to meetings...Got a sponsor a couple days out...And worked the steps. My hat's off to you ST for doing the same. I was invited back for our 6 month anniversary at the rehab....Out of 40 of us that attended....4 of us showed up. I guess they tried to find an easier softer way...And could not. The steps are the easier softer way.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Monday 28th of October 2013 07:36:47 AM
If I'm correct you posted earlier you were working on the 8th step ST?...This sounds like something that needs to be addressed first. Maybe I misread that.
After spending about 4 hours with my sponsor yesterday afternoon, we decided to back track a little bit. I have only been out of rehab for about 5 weeks now and 'worked' through steps 1-7 while in rehab.........they were worked with the aid of my counselor, not a sponsor. We decided to go back to steps 4 and 5 and do an 'honest' moral inventory of the amount of damage that I have done. I (we) believe that I did those steps in rehab as a homework assignment and not a true step..........I'll keep you posted........
I think that's a great idea.....When we finish an honest and thorough 4th step....I like that word thorough..
complete with regard to every detail; not superficial or partial.
And we tell our story in step 5...The instructions are pretty clear what follows...
Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?
If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six.
BB pg 76
That is the arch we walk though to freedom....We can't skimp on the cement for the foundation. Are the first five proposals solid?....I love how Bill W. uses different words for the steps....Principles....Proposals....He calls them everything but rules...Alkies don't like like to folow rules. And don't forget to thank the God of your understanding from the bottom of your heart for knowing Him/Her better....Sending you prayers for honesty and willingness ST....
Good ideas about reworking 4 and 5. Most people do not make it after rehab simply because they don't put a real program with a sponsor and steps in place. Yeah, your kids are super important but if you don't work a good program right now, you won't even be alive to enjoy your kids. Keep up the hard work and kudos to putting your sobriety first even though it's hard. It is necessary to take AA in very high doses in the beginning until you absorb it enough to live it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Heard from the wife a little while ago. I truthfully have just been avoiding her for the time being while I work my program. I know my little guys are having a rough time at home, especially the younger ones. As previously stated, I speak to them virtually every single day. It is getting to the point where that won't be enough, even for my wife. She sent me a couple of texts earlier this morning and virtually begged me to call her. She said she just wanted to hear my voice.
I KNOW she does not understand.......her opinion is why can't you just stop without working a program, or talking with a sponsor, or going to meetings. I have desperately tried to get her to read some of the literature, go to Al-Anon meetings (she went to two :(). I know that it is going to be an uphill battle.........but my LIFE and sobriety is paramount right now. If there is any hope for us to get back together, I must do this!! I think that she is finally starting to get it.........maybe.......I hope so........
Hi there ST....
I think it is great that you are doing what you need to do to stay off the alcohol. I think it is hard for some to understand alcoholism and that with most alcoholics it is something we cannot just quit without some kind of intervention. I have had to be pretty selfish about what I can and cannot handle right now in order to not drink. Like you said, "My life and sobriety is paramount right now." I hope everything works out for you the way you hope it will.
She invited me to a family birthday party this coming Sunday. I'm thinking 'why'? Am I going to be the big gray elephant in the room that is going to be avoided? Am I going to be welcomed? IDK? I said yes. Not really anxious about it.
Again, I don't want to sound like I am rambling, but this VERY important to my sobriety so I feel it needs to be told. Before last Friday, we really did not talk a whole lot, basically no contact on my part. A lot of pain and resentments on both sides. Friday she came to my apartment, texted me and said let me in. I indicated to her that I was at a meeting (which was the truth)......."but your car is here". Got a ride with a friend.....not going to turn down free transportation lol......
Fast forward to Sunday. Again not answering texts or phone calls. She pleaded with me to talk......she said she just wanted to hear my voice. So I called. We talked like we had NEVER been apart. Just stuff about the kids, her desire to start regaining trust, etc., etc. Is she starting to like the 'sober' me again? Is she coming back around? Am I reading too much into it? Just not sure what to think right now......
If anyone has a similar experience, assimilation back into the family, I would love to hear it.
Hey ST, ... LOL ... STOP trying to figure everything out ... stop asking 'why', just go with it asking God for His will to be done during the upcoming events ... go, enjoy the new attitude from your wife, and take it from there ... be grateful for the opportunity ...
Keep praying for guidance ... ... ... it 'WILL' work out ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
One of the things my sponsor told me early on...Was I needed to fix myself before I fixed my life. My life was a shambles....But I couldn't worry about making that right before I was right myself....I needed to work on me....Before anything else. Time takes time you know? I've seen people come in and get the girl back...Get the job...Get the new apartment...Get the drivers liscense back...Get the new car...And not take the time to get the solution. They're not around very long. I took his advice....And those things are coming back for me now.....I thank God for that.
