Hi folks. I just wanted to get back on board and start posting again. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster since my last posts. Happy, sad, mean, nice, angry, happy, sad, etc... For a few days I wasn't sure AA was in fact for me. Part of it was just that I was thinking/talking about alcoholism 20hrs/day and I was walking out of meetings feeling worse than when I entered. Thankfully I got over that with the help of some good people in the meetings and on the phone.
My mom sent me a copy of the book "A Million Little Pieces" by Jim Frey. She heard it was helping a lot of people and Oprah was giving her endorsement. Ugh! What a mistake that was. That book really messed with my head. By the end I was filled with fear, anxiety and anger. I hoped the author would return to drinking and kill himself. Toni Baloney spent some quality time with me on the phone and calmed me down. Thank you Toni Then I felt bad because it seemed like everything my mom was doing in an attempt to help was only making things worse. Anyway I'm over that now and happy again...can you say flake?
The meetings are going well and I got a job today, hopefully a career but we'll see. I go to Maryland at the end of this month for training, I wish I could start tomorrow. Until then I'll occupy my time reading, writing and going to meetings.
Take care everyone.
PS. If you've recently stopped drinking and can't sleep DO NOT drink 4 cups of reg. coffee at the night meetings...just a little tip from your friend Greg.
That sounds like my mom trying to help-or me, for that matter! Just because a book helps "some" people, it doesn't mean it's for everyone! (Hey, some alcoholic people don't even believe in AA!) She tried to help, and it messed you up-isn't that what moms are for? Oh well...I know I get upset by many silly little things, I too am a "flake", too vulnerable at times to the smallest negative thoughts. Some of our heads are rather easy to mess with, I think! :)
This disease has so many ways of punishing us-I think the emotional roller coaster is one its favorite weapons. But that is also life-and as a film I saw twice so far in rehab sort of said, if you wanted to avoid getting upset, you should have been born a rock, because people will go through bad moods and emotions! I think you know you can deal with the highs and lows and in-betweens, but at times it does make a person crazy!
I try to tell myself when I find I'm in a weird , bad, or down mood that I shouldn't do anything rash-see what happens in a few hours, or tomorrow. I try to sleep on this sort of thing, since it usually is gone the next day. What feels so overwhelming at one moment may seem ridiculous when I give it time amd try to avoid dwelling on it. You must have some way to cope with the varying emotions too, since you are now OK with them-or sound like you are! But yes, the wrong book or even email can really mess with you if you let it! But your mom meant well, give her credit for trying! Some avoid this subject altogether!
Anyway, thanks for warning me about that book! I sure hope my Oprah-watching friend doesn't think of getting it for me!
*Jots down a note about 4 cups of coffee at night and puts it on the fridge*
Yeah,,, just getting sober is one thing... then comes facing reality. That's what recovery is for,,,, and it can be a bumpy road, but the first thing is not to drink, and then the second thing is to learn coping skills. When my own gyroscope is off kilter I can get confused by almost anything That's why the 12 Step programs have recommended reading. Although my understanding of God does change, there are basic perameters that I stay within, and I don't get into just any old philosophy that hits the best seller list, or that is on the sale table, cuz I get weirded out really easily if I do and then I mix up my om's with the crystals with the colored candles with the introspection and astral projection, and end up with a yoga posture I can't get out of.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Glad you checked in Greg. I heard today on TV that Frey might have fabricated parts of his book...I've heard good things about it and many bad things. To each his own, but since he doesn't do the 12 Steps, probably not for me.
AOL had a front page article on the supposed deception in the book, the title of the article was "A Million Little Lies". It also mentioned this book as a story about the author, who chose an "alternative" approach to recovery. Gave me a REAL GOOD Laugh, sounds like most of us, or just speaking for myself. I recall clearly, how many times I tried doing recovery "My Way".
If someone can kick their addictions without help, good for them. One of my very favorite sayings in this Program is that "AA is NOT for people that need it, IT IS for people that WANT it."
And Bonzo, loved the part about the Rock, I'm keeping that one.
We go thru it all, get really stressed out, feel really good, feel really bad, but the Miracle is that we now go thru it Sober.
Happy you are doing well, getting to meetings, and back on the MIP Board.
Hey GregT. Sounds like things are looking up. Awesome. As for the rollercoaster, well, I ride it from time to time. What gets me thru is trying to recognize what it is I'm feeling and why. Some days it helps, other days, I just let it be what it is - a shitty day!
As far as mom's go, try to be thankful you got one that at least meant well. When I told mine I'm an alcoholic recovering thru the 12 STeps and that I've learned nothing happens in god's world by mistake, she said, and I quote " since you can't fix yourself, you use God to make it OK you're a drunk. I can't believe you would even go there."
Keep moving forward. Keep posting. I'm so glad you're here.
Hugs,
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Then I felt bad because it seemed like everything my mom was doing in an attempt to help was only making things worse. Anyway I'm over that now and happy again...can you say flake?
...just a little tip from your friend Greg.