as i described in an earlier post, my wife is what i call a 'binge drinker' in that she does not drink on a regular basis, but when she does [approx 3-4 times a year] , she drinks until she pukes and drops. does that make her an alcoholic by definition?? and should she seek help?
As I have learned in AA anyone can call me a drunk. Only I can say if I am an alcoholic and I admit that alcohol cause problems in my life or relationship.
If we were all to be rigorously honest, I believe at one time or other we all need some sort of proffessional help.
If your wife doesn't feel she hae a drinking problem, thats her conclusion.
If her drinking gives you a problem, perhaps you need to seek the help of alanon.
hmmm.... that's hard to say. It is true that she has to see for herself that it is a problem in order to want to get help for it. There is something called an 'intervention' in which family and freinds help a person to see that it is a problem. Have you talked to her about this? Communication is so important. Some people believe that a person should only care about themselves and take care of themselves,, but I don't believe that. I think AA and alanon both help us to learn how to care about other people more effectively. A lot of the amends we do is about the ways and times we have not cared about other people and were selfishly doing our own thing. So how to recover from not caring by not caring? hmmm
I'm glad you are caring enough to come and ask, and try to figure out what the best thing is to do. I'm really glad that there have been some people in my life who cared enough to be honest with me. And what is the 12th Step anyway? We are supposed to be caring about the still sick and suffering, but in ways that are healthy.
It doesn't help to try to talk to an alcholic while they are drunk,, but it is better to talk to them while they are sober. My mind gets kind of foggy when I'm drunk and I can't really think very well.
We can't really diagnose anyone from here, and we can't give advice either. I'd suggest that you seek out professional people locally to help you figure this out,, and check out alanon also.
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 01:44, 2006-01-03
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Well, that's kind of like my own question-is a "problem drinker" an alcoholic? I used to think I didn't need help because all I did was drink once in a while but often I'd drink if I was stressed, depressed or anxious. Of course, I now see I do have a problem, since that progressed into drinking every day, and then drinking about twice what I used to or more, and then the blackouts came and got more frequent, so I finally saw I needed help...But, I guess in your case, I'd say maybe your wife is not YET an alcoholic, but may be on the way to becoming one. Remember this is a progressive disease, and it doesn't let you just remain a "social" drinker. If your wife binges often enough, she will probably beocome a full-fledged alcoholic in time. No one knows the cut-off point, so really, I think you should both be careful and get help if things get any worse. This is very subtle, and the person doing the drinking cannot see they have a real problem. In my case, I knew the signs of alcoholism, and could see a couple other people were alcoholics most likely, but I was blind to my own alcoholism. And I still have trouble convincing myself I really have the disease at times. Denial is unreal, one of the biggest barriers to getting help for me. So don't be shocked if your wife gets in deeper and still denies any problem. But binge drinking is suspicious to me, a big sign of possible alcoholism for the future in my opinion. I do not see it as alcoholic behaviour, but just a warning becasue it is not normal drinking.
My opinion: ANY drinking that causes problems, is "problem drinking".
I started out binging on special occasions, then it became monthly, and that turned into weekends which eventually turned into 2, 3, 4 or 5 times a week over a period of 20+ years.
Alcoholism is a disease. And it's progressive. I personally believe I was always an alcoholic.
Still praying
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 06:14, 2006-01-03
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Hey gudheartedguy, Glad you are back. The only thing I would like to add to what everyone else has said, is maybe just getting into some type of counceling would be helpful. I remember in your last post you mentioned some violence when she drinks. Did you look into Al-anon in your part of the world, Hauman had some insight into that.What does the wife say about her drinking when she gets sober?
In my experience, I began by drinking in excess which always ended in puking. The excuses to drink excessively came through parties or special occassion that promoted drinking. I never could hold it down. I should have been a able to see the pattern. But, I could not. I planned to drink too much. I liked the ease and comfort...
No one could talk me into believing I had a problem. I was in denial. I thought I was different. Then the help came from a most unusual situation. My daughter entered a treatment center. I was baffled. When I visited her I asked her why she was there. I just could not get it. When she attended meetings she asked me to take her for support. After weeks of meetings, She popped the question, "Dad. Do you think you have a problem with alcohol." Wow? I finally got it. I finally could see what I had denied. After 30yrs of drinking, I found a new way.
