"If [character defects] contributed to our health and happiness, we would not have come to such a state of desperation."Basic Text pg. 34Getting started on the Sixth and Seventh Steps isn't always easy. We may feel as though we have so much wrong with us that we are totally defective. We might feel like hiding under a rock. Under no circumstance would we want our fellow addicts to know about our inadequacies.
######ROSIE......i felt i was so screwed up there was NO hope....i almost gave up....too much wrong with me , i thought.....well if someone empowered by satan can make me so sick....i must trust/believe that i, who am empowered by God, can make me well....so i face my defects ONE by ONE....ONE day at at time...thats all i can do, otherwise i would be overwhelmed......sometimes i want to curl up in my bed and not come out.......i don't care if my fellows in group know about my defects, honesty is the only way i am going to get rid of them/ heal and change....and , besides...none of us are healed, otherwise, we would not be here, we would be on the tennis/ golf courts......
We will probably go through a time of examining everything we say and do in order to identify our character defects and make sure we suppress them. We may look back at one particular day, cringing at what we're certain is the most embarrassing thing we've ever said. We become determined to be rid of these horrible traits at all costs. But nowhere in the Sixth or Seventh Steps does it say we can learn to control our defects of character. In fact, the more attention we focus on them, the more firmly entrenched they will become in our lives. It takes humility to recognize that we can't control our defects any more than we can control our addiction. We can't remove our own defects; we can only ask a loving God to remove them.Letting go of something painful can be as difficult as letting go of something pleasant. But let's face it - holding on is a lot of work. When we really think about what we're holding onto, the effort just isn't worthwhile. It's time to let go of our character defects and ask God to remove them.Just for today: I'm ready to have my defects removed. I will let go and allow a loving Higher Power to care for me.
#######ROSIE.....i am just working my program/ doing all the sugesstions and when/if i find yet another defect, i share it/ talk about it/ work the steps on it....give it to God.....at NO time has my HP ever been *down on me* for injuries caused by another.....my problems had his name on them..............the solution has my name on it.....as long as i am willing to / and working on my defects, i dare ANYone to come against me for having them.....at least i am honest about them/ work on them/ and do my best to either get rid of them or manage them...thats all i can do........i had to admit my defeat b4 i could accept to surrender......i am POWERLESS over my defects, so i surrender them to my HP......i cannot remove/control them on MY will.......only my *christ within* can do it......right now i feel like i am standing between 2 countries........the one i WANT to leave so bad........the new one that i want to embrace so bad, but is so strange/ even scary ........so yeah, i am feeling kind of strange.....leaveing the old comfortable misery for what????? its gotta be better, but so foreign........so yeah, pain of debriding all the dead/infected tissue of my life that was so much a part of me so new good healthy tissue can grow on in its place..........i remember when i got my tooth pulled.....i was in the dentists chair, and i felt him pull and rock and pull and finally the old dead thing came out.....i felt kinda sad it was no longer a part of my body, and i have this bleeding gaping hole to show for it....i took it home as a suvenier, and looked at this part of me that was no more a part of me......as my hole healed and i was able to chew on that side for along time in ages, i thought "wow, i needed to do it"........well here i am in the "dentist chair of life" i KNOW the worst is over, HP is hanging onto the *bad tooth* he just pulled....i know the worst is over, but i am still in the dentist chair for the *follow up* work.....thats how i feel now..........TODAY i ask my HP "remove all the dead junk from my life as fast as you know i can take it and stay by my side as i " feel the shock of excorsising" and go through the healing process.....thank you ROSIE"......
I personally don't believe ALL character defects can be fully changed, note the word "character". I can change a lot of them, the ones I have more control over i.e. being honest, controlling my temper, seeing the glass half full. BUT, I'm a "worrier" and no matter what I do I believe I'll always be a "worrier" in some form. However, just being aware of this defect is half the battle for me. Just like this illness or any other, if I know what is wrong and I'm aware of it, I can take the steps necessary to ease it. If I'm blessed, maybe one day I'll be relieved of it - but I'm not holding my breath for it to happen anytime soon and that's where acceptance comes in to play for me.
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
DOLL>>>>>>>>>I personally don't believe ALL character defects can be fully changed, note the word "character". I can change a lot of them, the ones I have more control over
ROSIE>>>>>>>>you know i don't either..(hold my breath waiting for ALL of them to go away) but i can tell that i am shedding a lot of the OLD self, and boooy does it hurt, and its scary, like i am becomming a new me, and i don't even have a CLUE as to what healthy living is..........i agree with you here, that i can change a LOT of them, but the real deep rooted ones????? i am givign over to my HP to at LEAST help me manage them??? live in peace with them???? be aware of them so i can do the steps and surrender them???? like my fear of "not making it" financially in life..that god awful fear of going broke!!! .....i just have to keep surrendering it....just KEEP giving it over.....and BELIEVE for my prosperity and my needs being met..........i really appreciate your thoughts here.....makes me feel better that someone ELSE knows that we can't get rid of ALL of them, just try to make the best of them..........rosie
"Progress and not perfection".. we are not expected to become perfect people, but we are expected to do the best we can to improve ourselves every day, with the grace of God.
I was brought up in a very dysfunctional family, and learned a lot of dysfunctional stuff as well as adding in my own particular quirks. The main reason for changing these things is because..... they don't work! What do we mean by that? That blowing my temper never solves the problem, even if it does seem to release tension at the time. Drinking does not solve the problem, even if it obliterates it for a time. I am learning better coping skills and social skills by doing the Steps, and doing my Step 11 now. I'm making progress.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hmmm...wasn't going to reply but the reply box came up sooo...maybe I better.
I found that when I identified a defect and was conscious(sp?) about it...it seemed that I was constantly being tested with it. I am not a patient person, for example, so when I really wanted to work on this defect I found my patience being tested, more so than usual. I did find out though that as I was more aware of the defect my reactions DID change, slowly. I was able to think through my reaction rather than jump in and worry about the results later. Progress, not perfection, but my sponser told me I had a lifetime to work on it.
It is harder to let go of the under-lying emotion that is driving my life. I lived a fear based life for so long that letting go of it was real work. And there are still days that I allow it to drive my life, but not as often nor as extreme as before. Those are the days I have to look up and say "ok God I can't do it...you gotta do it for me."
