I've abandoned the idea of "faith" for too long, I cant deal with turning over my will and my life to some mystical higher power. I don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling and fighting for the scraps of some elusive happiness and fleeting sense of peace and serenity. I dont want to be some religious or spiritual crackpot...I don't want to have to spend countless hours dredging up every bad thought feeling and action that's taken place in my life. I don't want to sit in musty church basements and dusty legion hall meeting rooms listening to people I don't care about and who dont really care about me talk about how fucked up they are. I don't want to be an alcoholic.
What an order, I can't go through with it.
I hope you all find what I couldn't...I hope you all find the happiness you desire.
........ Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates.........
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous pp 83-84
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
who dont really care about me talk about how fucked up they are. I don't want to be an alcoholic. most alcholic do care about each other i wouldnt be so sure that they dont!!!!!!!!!! good luck to u tipsy may u find peace........ wagon
Hey Tipsy, As already stated, we'll be here if you decide to return and the dusty , musty rooms will be there,also.I am one of those who does care, I've learned that all I can do is carry the program of AA not the Alcoholic, I'm not big enough...there is something or someone who is though.
If you reach that bottom , hopefully you can make it back.
I didn't want to be an alcoholic either...I just wanted to be able to have some drinks and be witty and charming. I wanted the world to see me as I saw myself, but they saw a person whom had a few drinks and lost all control. It took many years for me to see that there was a problem with the way I saw myself. When the realization came to me that I maybe needed to stop drinking because it WAS causing problems, I found that I couldn't. Nothing I did kept me from the drinking. It took years again for me to find a way to stop drinking and NOT start again. Stopping was never the problem, it was starting again that gave me the problem. It was finding AA and learning the program that has kept me from starting again. I found a way to live without having to drink. I am the person I wanted to be without it. I never have to drink again...
