im sitting here, writing this its 11.38 am ive just been to the off-licence and bought a bottle of smirnoff vodka, wich im drinking now, the lady offered me a bag but i said id put it in my pocket as i didnt want to look like an alkie walking down the street...she laughed..how easily the pretence starts again....today was like any other day,.. but i made the mistake of pointing out that im fed up with running around after my partner...cleaning the house cooking seeing to the horses running errands, trying to start my own business..while her 17 year old son lays in bed all day an does nothing an pays no rent...ive tried to be understanding its been going on for ages, but it breaks my heart when i ask over and over for him not to slam the new living room door ive fitted perfectly untill now it no longer shuts properly...stuff like that... my partner seems to think he is just a baby and i hate him...i dont i just think he is spoilt...she lost it with me this morning and threw things at me, shes at work now...she said if i started drinking again it would be over between us...i guess today is the day
You haven't blown anything. Just start over. God knows i'm good at it.I Won't go into history, however every day u had sober can't be taken away from u. When your ready just start over. We care and wish u luck. AS Phil said DON"T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!
"Our spiritual and emotional growth in AA does not depend so deeply upon success as it does on our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs. instead of down." As Bill Sees It pp 184
Go to a meeting, you will always be welcomed there. We do not judge those that go back out, we only thank God that they have made it back.
From your post, it sounds as if you have some decisions that need to be made. You can make them with your partner sober...or you can choose to do nothing and they may be made for you. It is your choice....what do you want it to be?
As Phil says, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and realize today is a new day. Good God, I know this is easier said than done, but You have to be in control of your feelings--not your partner, or her son. You let either/or of them in the driver's seat, you've lost the handle.
This may sound self-centered, but you are in this crazy game for You. . .not for anyone else. Can we grow, thrive, evolve, via our relationships with others? Damn right. But our strengths, and our limitations, depend wholly on ourselves.
Get to a meeting, then go to detox. Put the domestic situation behind you; take care of You first. All the best.
hey badger, been there done that....i used to think cause i don't have a physical addiction to alcohol, just a mental one, that i can *handle it* when i thought we were gonna belly up at work, here, i drank a BIG wine cooler tues night and last night had another one....i did not get drunk cause i was able to get into a coda meet.....but , i have that tendency, ALWAYS, when life is handing me something???? i want to medicate my fear WITH wine/ beer.......i just shoot for progress!!! i just try for *doing better--making progress* so i medicated some last night!!! today is another day....adn tonight i go to my meet and i will shoot for progress today.........i am gonna keep the hope!!!!!! peace/ rosie
My prayers and thoughts go out to you my friend Badger.
I fell on my ass a short time after joining AA. I guess it made me appreciate my sobriety even more so afterward. I went back to AA and it was the best thing I could do for myself.
I got pissed off a few weeks ago (it is documented here) and shunned AA for a little while. I'm now back in and things are worked out.
Cunning, Baffling, Powerful - return my friend. Love is more powerful!
