Become nothing before God, learn to keep silent; in this silence is the beginning, which is first to seek God's kingdom. --Soren Kierkegaard
So many devastating things can bring us to our knees. With experience we learn that pain and trouble are part of life. Most of us have fought against everyday realities as if they were our personal enemies. We accepted every challenge, thinking we had to be winners every time. Today we may feel broken by the loss of a love, by a disappointing job experience, or by our powerlessness over a loved one.
######ROSIE.......yeah, TELL me about devestation!! and being not just on my knees but how about my back??? i was ready to die at various points in my life.......i know that pain and trouble are part of life....but one has to wonder "how many times can i *bounce back* from the *haymakers* of life"........sometimes i wonder...why some people just have the most horrible karma and others seem to just *float through* life.....i used to get SO resentful about it...like where are MY breaks????? thank goodness i QUIT comparing myself to others.....it takes the focus off me...and i cannot do anything about it anyway........i took life very personally......"life is out to get me" was my motto......i completely felt like the victim.....waiting for the next *disaster* to hit......i expected it!!! i have felt broken MANY times, and i used to ask my self "ok WHICH disaster is gonna be the one that does me in???" i used to wonder!!!!! now with the program tools, i can at LEAST walk away if there is nothing......take care of me in the process.....
In our brokenness we find our true humanity. It is the beginning of our spiritual awakening. As men we thought surrender was a word for losers and weaklings. Living this program teaches us that accepting our brokenness opens us to a new kind of wholeness. After we acknowledge we are not in control of every event in our lives, and after admitting our addiction and codependency have controlled us, we come alive inside with the rich new experience of being a person.God, help me today to learn the spiritual lesson contained in my frustrations and grief.
########ROSIE...oh yeah, nothing like being in the beginnings of another suicide to find my humanity......i had given up in dec' 04...jan '04 was my last attempt to end my pain!!!!! a nice little guy named "larry" who was my friend....AND an *al-anoner* talked me into 12 steps......now?? i am grateful i am working through this karma and now making good karma for myself with my changing and growing and improving attitude....i work the steps ...i mean i "give it hell" cause this is my key to me!!!!! to life!!!! i used to think *surrender* was being used and abused again....(past woundology--- i had to 'surrender' to my abuser.....the word still kind of makes me gag....i call it releasing unto the universe...or turning it over.....walking away...detaching...... i remember LITERALLY throwing up my hands, and saying to who EVER was in the universe "I GIVE UP----- i canot do this life anymore---IF you are real, NOW is the time to reveal yourself" i didn't hear anything so the suicide attempt....THAN the phone rang as i was going into my garage to "breathe my truck fumes" and i ended up here.........yes, my being *beaten down* by life did make me aware of my powerlessness over many SO many events.....i can only take care of me and even then. i have to look within to my *christ within* for that........oh yeah, spiritual lessons, but when i do get to the great divide i am gonna ask God......"WHAT was i drinking when i contracted with you to overcome the crap that i had to overcome???"...this was a *close one* i very nearly did NOT make it!!!!! but like they say....CLOSE only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.....thank you DONE
