Many of us feel like we need a rulebook, a microscope, and a warranty to get through life. We feel uncertain, frightened. We want the security of knowing what's going to happen, and how we shall act.We don't trust life or ourselves.We don't trust the Plan.We want to be in control."I've made terrible mistakes about my choices, mistakes that nearly destroyed me. Life has really shocked me. How can I trust myself? How can I trust life, and my instincts, after where I've been?" asked one woman.It is understandable that we fear being crushed again, considering the way many of us were when we bottomed out on our codependency. We don't have to be fearful. We can trust our self, our path, and our instincts.Yes, we want to avoid making the same mistakes again. We are not the same people we were yesterday or last year. We've learned, grown, changed. We did what we needed to do then. If we made a mistake, we cannot let that stop us from living and fully experiencing today.
#######ROSIE....oh for me??? i needed a mapsco/ flashlight/ AND step by step manual to get through life......i *fuddle, duddled* through it, *hit or miss* mostly miss, with my illness, so i got to the point i "better not belch w/o instructions"...else i will *stuff it up*......i had to know *whats gonnna happen*......i did not trust life OR me...OR God, so it was a real "play the percentages" scenario for me!!!!!!! what plan???? i was SURE God threw me down here, with no life chart....like somehow i *fell down here* by accident and they , on the other side, are wondering "what happened to that short blonde with the wise ass mouth????"...........life not only shocked me, it electrocuted me.......so how , after MY screw ups could i trust me?????? life???? anything???? after where i have been???? what i went through????? i can tell you the address of hell.....just look on the mapsco , the house where i was taken after my birth, and you will find it.....to say i was and still a bit afraid of being *crushed again* is an understatement.......the trash compactor of life, FLATTENED me!!!!!! i was so intent of avoiding making the same mistakes again, i shut down!!! the draw bridges were up............when i got into recovery i was sure it woudln't work, that there was NO hope for me....that i was gonna *blow in the wind* till i blew away!!!!!!! now??? AS i learn to love me/ trust me/ FEEL my Higher Power within me/ i am living in the INternal of me not so much the EXternal of me.....i am a diferent creature!!!! i LITERALLY lived two lives in one body!!!! oh i will always play *high percentage* life...i mean i will never be a dare devil.....i will pray to my HP about something...check out the *stats* on it.....observe.....listen to my *Christ within* before i jump into ANY thiing that is huge/ or any important.....my barometer, is "if it makes me feel peace??? its gotta be God" OR "if it makes me feel 'antsy'???? its gotta be the other guy".......i know i am still gonna screw up, but i also know it won't be fatal, and i won't hate me for it.....i mean today i take a huge risk driving my truck down these hostile highways to get to work.........i know i gotta i want to live life!!!! i can be conservative, and still have a good time!!!!!! just use my discernement that i am developing......
We have arrived at the understanding that we needed our experiences - even our mistakes - to get to where we are today. Do we know that we needed our life to unfold exactly as it did to find ourselves, our Higher Power, and this new way of life? Or is part of us still calling our past a mistake?We can let go of our past and trust ourselves now. We do not have to punish ourselves with our past. We don't need a rulebook, a microscope, a warranty. All we really need is a mirror. We can look into the mirror and say, "I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself. And what happens will continue to be good, better than you think."Today, I will stop clinging to the painful lessons of the past. I will open myself to the positive lessons today and tomorrow hold for me. I trust that I can and will take care of myself now. I trust that the Plan is good, even when I don't know what it is.
########ROSIE.....yep, what happend to me, what i did, the mistakes, the triumphs, are the sum total of who i am.....how i turned out....i must have done SOME stuff right, otherwise i would be in the great tennis court in the sky.....so i must have done SOME right things!!!!!! .....maybe, with my stubborness , i wouldn't have gotten here, if my life hadn't have been so bad!!!! its funny i am saying this, but what if it was only *semi -hell*??? would i be here???? or would i be still tryin to control/ manipulate/ fight it/ resist it/ not know the great tools of life that i know now???? i wonder!!!! i do not call my past a mistake.....a tragedy???? hell yes.....but a mistake???? NO!!!! i got into harm's way....i got *glommed onto* by the darkness, and somehow, a God miracle occured and i did not get eaten!!!! so there is a purpose for me!!!! not just *that*...there HAS to be a good purpose for me....a happy ending!!!!! so i am ready to let GO of the past...and start trusting in me and my *Christ within* to be ok!!!! if i got this far THIS messed up....just think of the great shot i have at it now!!!!!! i will not punish me for something so cruel done to me.....what for??? i was an innocent child!!! and the mistakes i made as a result of my injuries???? you are not gonna believe this, but i had this tremendous urge to *hold/ hug/ my inner child* and so i did!!! and i told her "your poor thing...i am so sorry we coudln't get away...but we are SAFE now...and i am gonna protect you with ALL my heart"........i then cuddled up with my favorite stuffed toy, a big black stuffed tarantula spider and i snuggled up to "mr. spider" who is really soft and cuddly and took a nap.........i tell myself EACH day, that i love me/ that i accept me/ and i am enough JUST the way i am.......i am getting rid of the past. day to day!!!! as i get to the last of my grief cycles i can see it.......i don't want to even THINK of the *thing* i want to think about me!!! love!!! happiness!!! all things good/ positive/ loving and healing..........i figure God got me THIS far, i doubt very seriously that he will drop me on my butt now!!!!!! take what works, leave the rest>>>>>>DONE
