Edit: Thanks for the words of encouragement. It turns out that after a good nights sleep I feel normal again...so I'm not going anywhere.
Doll was right, I'm such a drama queen sometimes
I hear a lot of people talk about when in the midst of their alcoholism/addiction they had a moment of clarity that precipitated their desire to recover and seek help. What I don't ever recall hearing anyone discuss is the other moment of clarity. The one that I've had before and the one I'm experiencing right now. That moment when the whirlwind and roller-coaster of sobriety suddenly slows down and I just stop and realize that I can't do this...I don't have what it takes.
I may act like a complete jerkoff here but the truth is that I really admire you folks. You have something that I don't think I ever will...you've done the work and you deserve it.
If I didn't find anything even remotely spiritual or religious repugnant I would ask for your prayers.
In the early days of my sobriety I felt just the way you are feeling right now. After the initial joy of waking sober and being able to remember everything that I had done and said the day before, I suddenly woke one morning and thought 'Is this it then?'. I wasn't sure that I could carry on.
I spoke to my sponsor about it. She explained that it's quite normal. She also told me that I was forgetting to keep things in the today. I was thinking about next week, next month, next year and not concentrating just on today.
She suggested going to as many meetings as I could and sharing how I felt in the meetings. It was such a relief to discover that I wasn't the only one who had felt that way. Some of the people with the most sobriety told me that they had felt the same way, too.
I then tried to keep myself as busy as possible for a little while and focus just on today. It worked for me and it can work for you, too.
It can be difficult after the Christmas and New Year holidays, too. Also, I know that you've just had a birthday and these are tricky times for us alcoholics.
Maintaining my sobriety isn't always easy, but it's a lot easier than facing the consequences of picking up a drink again.
Just hang in there and take good care of yourself.
(((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hello TM, I'm blessed today, as a result of working the Steps, to, from time to time, have more and more moments of clarity. For me, it sometimes happens when I'm caught off guard or down by a major upset in my life, that a clear answer will come throught. I can't take any credit for this!!!! It can only happen when I'm really trying to work "The Program" not mine.
I can take credit for being one of the world's biggest quitters. I haven't done or tried anything, in my whole life, more than a year, until now. Months before I was about to be sober for 1 year I was talking just like you. It looked too hard, I wasn't that strong. I didn't understand how all of you were doing it with what looked like "ease". I too was told I was not the only one who had felt this way. My sponsor also suggested (suggested is putting it mildly) more meeting, getting involved with A.A. activities, and to talk to every newcomer that came in.
I'm coming up on my 4th year soon and I'm already getting, what others call, "squirrely". I've done this almost every year. My alcohlism wants me to fail and will tell me all kinds of negitive things. So, I've beefed up my meetings and am doing the very things I was told to do that first year.
My moments of clarity are not when I think negitive thoughts, that's my alcohoic mind talking.
If you can't get that "spiritual feelin", then it is OK to let OTHERS pray FOR you (Doll)..... prayer often works, regardless of who's doig it, and you seeing it work over and over is a good thing.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
