I'm looking for some advice for my husband---he's been really working hard at sobriety. There have been slips but lots of progress too. He's facing the consequences of an assault which resulted during a drinking and drugging binge. It's really looking like there will be significant jail time and it's daunting to say the least. The stress is nearly unbearable for the both of us.
I know some of you have been there and come out on top. Any ESH? mom to 2
Jail time proved to be the very best way to hit rock bottom for me. If he does in fact have to go and do some time, at least you will know where he is, and that he is not out there on the streets.
My family had the ability to get me out of some of my latter jams, but Al Anon helped them to let go and detach with love, and they let me suffer the consequences that I NEEDED, 100% NEEDED, in order to start to get my feet back under me for real.
Have you tried Al Anon? I do hope so. It is the FIRST best thing that has happened to my family, and it paved the way for AA in my life. Without Al Anon and some tough love, I would not be where I am today. And my life is GOOD now!! So both of you keep your chin up, and know that the future can be brighter, in time, no matter what you have to face. Sometimes we truly find our Higher Power in jail. The thing is, whether we learn not to leave him there once we walk out free again.
Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
((((hugs))) Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Alanon is an excellent suggestion for you, as Joni already stated.
There are also groups who take AA meetings into jails, so that might be an option for your husband, to really dig into his recovery while incarcerated. The first 164 pages of the Big Book have all the answers that I need to my questions in daily living.
My oldest daughter has been jailed several times, but doesn't attend any AA meetings that are brought in because she chooses to remain in active alcoholism.
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
This is always a tough one as the heart strings are pulled in many directions. My sister-in-law is serving time at present for driving under the influence that resulted in an auto accident and the other driver was killed. I cannot tell you the caos and heartache that my brother and their children have went through. She had went many times to AA meetings. By the time she is out her youngest will be graduated from HS and beyond. The eldest son has served time for drug related charges and now holds a steady decent paying job. The family makes routine visits.......now going on 5 years.......to show their love. BUT they also know that she has to accept responsibility for HER actions. They have learned to cope and carry on with the daily routines of life (without her). Counseling sessions helped tremendously. They did both through a mental health facility as well as through their parish priest. Whether it be mental health, Alanon, religious guidance.......it is in agreement that some sort of counsel would be very beneficial. I'm here because I had a very hard time dealing with my own personal drama in coping with my AH's infidelity and up and leaving our marriage. AA seemed to teach me the most about the disease coupled with the religious counsel gave me the coping skills. Will keep you all in prayers.
Thanks for the responses. Yes! Without al-anon I would not have gotten through some very rough times. The assault happened nearly 2 yrs ago---and happened during a relapse---he had been sober for 7 months prior. He has been sober since---with some slips. He's a great father to our 2 children and they are still quite young. It will be difficult for him and them to not see each other. Not sure how to deal with that. So, thanks again. mom to 2
