As most of you are aware I'm sort of the interloper of the group in that I've never developed or had a problem with alcohol consumption. I started out here to learn from the alcoholic's point of view. You have all graciously accepted that and taught me alot. I've read about interventions. I'm curious to know if anyone who fights the disease of alcoholism was faced with one and if that was their turning point that led to getting into the program. I asked this because tonight I babysat with my grandson. My daughter went out to eat with some friends. Upon return she mentioned she had drank. ("They didn't even card me!") She noticed the raised eyebrow and assured she was not driving. Okay...... One thing led to another as this conversation unfolded. Mentioned her brother had told me a couple of days ago he was worried about his dad. Told her why/what my son had told me. I told her the same as I told him. The last time he had problems walking it was due to clogged veins..... The heart attack came a year or so later though my son said that was what he feared was going to happen. I furthered it and said "he doesn't take care of himself at all. He never took meds after the attack and drinks way too much." Then much too my surprise my daughter says "don't you think WE know that? Don't you think we have all begged him to quit?" I responded with "You need to stop enabling him. It is what I did. And if you would listen and quit going to see him it might help him to understand that you are not going to put up with it continuing. It may very well be what he needs to stop. Realize that he is loosing his kids, as well as what he has already lost." Of course, she retorted with, "he's my dad and I love him." My come back, "Geezus......you know what I've been through and you know I love him still." Then I asked if they all had banned togethor with their pleas. The answer was "no". I told her maybe they should and I would be there as well. This has been mentioned before. From what has been read.......I just don't know if it would be worth it versuses allowing him to hit his bottom on his own. In a round about way I also sort of talked to my daughter about her consumption and why I stopped drinking even what little I used to. She and her brothers meant more to me. They were priority over everything. All it takes is one split second while under the influence to become irresponsible, make bad choices ect. Of course things can happen sober but to know they are the result while under the influence....... I've pretty much "let go" and understand so much more about this disease. I've had no contact with AH since last June when during her pregnancy this daughter developed some problems. They thought they would have to take the baby early and I thought her father should know. He was sooooooo drunk it took three times to tell him. He switched the conversation back to me and accused me of stuff that was outright fabrications of which I corrected. Initial reaction was "upset" but in a heartbeat a calm came over me. I realized the disease was doing the talking not the man. It was a pivotal point for me realizing that I HAVE learned a thing or two from all of you (and others). The sheer tone of my daughter's voice alone told me she is fully aware and scared for him. No she will not get involved in ALANON or AA. I tried to get all three of the kids help 5 yrs. ago. They stood adimant in their refusal. It is a sure bet they each would refuse it again. So this thought of an intervention has surfaced. I am curious for opinions/shares. Any/all opinions would be appreciated. Do I simply ignore these concerns of our kids or what? Wanda
Hey Wanda, My first thought is "please let him go...." You sound like a beautiful, strong woman who has sooo much to offer those who want it! Take the tools you have learned here and from your other support groups or systems and as doll is saying, use them on you! Your kids are adults, and as you as an example, will eventually learn to deal with their father in their own ways. You say you have "pretty much let go"....Just me, but now I think you need to let go completely and trust your HP for the rest...
Sounds mean, but as someone on here pointed out to me, sometimes tough love is required of us!
Best of luck to you and yours! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
You can only take care of yourself. When I was drinking I knew that I had a bad problem, but until I was ready to face it there wasn't anything that anybody could do or say.
You are a wonderful example to your children and they know that you are there for them and that they can turn to you for advice or help. There isn't very much more that you can do.
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
