"WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK" - Daily Reflections 1/20

Doll · MIP Old Timer

"WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK" - Daily Reflections 1/20

Phil · MIP Old Timer

At our age...one doesnt get doubtful or agitated. We are on "Pause" most of the time.:)

Doll · MIP Old Timer

That truely works! ..... I was at John's yesterday. He was in the shop and I was in the house making lunch. I was waiting on the eggs to boil (for tuna salad), so I sat down at the kitchen table. I noticed there was printout for a recipe for lasagna on top of a stack of papers. I, always looking for new recipes, began to read it. It was sounding really good, UNTIL, I flipped to page 2 and realized it was a reply to an email he'd sent to his ex wife of 14 years! He iniated it by sending an email that read somewhat like this:

"Hey. It's me. Wondering if you could send me your recipe for lasagna....Don't think I"ve had any that good since the last time I had yours....."

Go back and re-read my underlined sentence....They've been divorced for 14 yrs. She had an affair with his best friend and is now married to him!!!

Jealousy? Probably.....Anger? Absolutely - because when he talks about this women it's never good, except where their children are concerned (he always says she's a good mother).

I kept asking myself why would he go to that extent. He could have left it at "could you send me the recipe?" Why did he have to add the last line.....

It hurt in several ways. 1) I pride myself on being a good cook and I've made him lasagna many times over the years! 2) He 'cheated' on me once, years ago, and I found out through emails! and 3) I'm not as well as I'd like to believe to allow something like this to upset me to the point I couldn't eat lunch!

BUT..... because of AA I was able to "pause" and I prayed for God to grant me the serenity to get through it without saying anything I'd be sorry for later...... I'm still hurt and the nutty thoughts are still rattling around my brain. But, I'm waiting for the right answer from God before I take any action! If I take any action......

It works, it realy does!

Thanks for letting me share.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Hey. Jen. Thanks for this post. Thank God for the power of moments. In reference to the email I'd be mortified too. It'd feel like instant shock but I guess it's true that our partners had lives & ties before us. Anything suspect would be something in him & not your fault or responsibility. He could be flattering an old friend or indulging in the seeming security of being on good terms with a person it didn't work out with. Whatever his reasons it doesn't have to reflect badly on you & doesn't have to be going anywhere. I guess that's the relief of stepping aside from the self~centredness of 'how it effects us' & into the serenity of 'live & let live'. I think you have a right to be offended & you have the freedom to choose how to respond. I'm glad you're waiting for guidance. I'm sure no harm was meant towards you. If I'm wrong you can oversalt his lasagne next time ;) Ps. Is this any evidence of a program on my part? I'm still in progress! Danielle x

-- Edited by Sobrietyspell at 12:17, 2008-01-20

Phil · MIP Old Timer

"Hey. It's me. Wondering if you could send me your recipe for lasagna....Don't think I"ve had any that good since the last time I had yours....."

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Its a good thing to just be freinds with exes..with no agendas or hidden motives....after all the emotional ties are done with...time takes time.

As alkys we are prone to reacting over nothing...and I beleive that to be true..:)

And yes..there have been moments where jealousy was involved...and anger set in...with this kid too.

Nothing to react to, in this case...

Now...Chill!! Baby Doll!! and have a serene day eh..:)