Hi. I have been looking for an online something to write and post my feelings on. I came across this board last night after a google search and decided to give it a try. I registered and here I am.
I am a 38 year old male. I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. Their ages range from 11 to 8 years old. We live a normal life. My wife and I both work and the kids go to school. We all love each other very much. Thats not to say that we haven't had our struggles. One of the major ones me being a drunk.
I will end this for now. Please let me know it this is not the forum to share in. I am very shy when it comes to doing this at live meetings. When I am called upon to share with the group I participate. But I do not completely express myself to my satisfaction. This is the same with my sponsor. It maybe that I am still new to AA. I got my 2 month chip on 1-13-08 and my DD is 11-8-07.
First of all, welcome Lee, and congrats on your two months!
I was very shy and didn't want to trust people at first when I started attending meetings. I couldn't tell you how long it took for me to open up, but it did take time.
You are welcome to share whatever you want here. We all understand.
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
I do not completely express myself to my satisfaction
Recognizing this is half the battle already won. If you have a HP, just before the meeting ask your HP to use you at the meeting.
Give yourself time, it will happen at the right time and place. You are still "testing the waters" so to speak. After all would you dive off a bridge into an unknown river?
You have your feet wet, soon you'll be swimming with the rest of us. Also you'll be surprised at how many of us will come to the shallow water to be with you until you do.
Bruce
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Until I know what I'm doing, I'll ask questions from someone who has what I want. If I don't like the answer, it's probably the one I need!
One quick question, what the hell made food taste so good? I understand the candy angle but I stay hungry all the time! I have gained over 10 pounds in the last two months. lol.
Welcome Lee! The food comment is sooo funny! My husband and I have been going to this Lebanese place for 20+ years! After getting sober, the food tasted soooo good! (it always did, but dang!!!!!) So yea, now start looking for the overeater, over caffeine and over sugar websites!! Glad to meet you! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hey Lee. Glad your here. I just registered myself tonight. I was hangin out at some motocycle forums with good guys but most of them drink too much. I need to get around sober people in all my affairs :)
Took me about 5 or 6 months before I began to trust others. Start helping open or close a couple meetings. Its a good way to get more comfortable faster. Also made me feel like I belonged a bit and I also figured that they had to put up with my stuff or they would have to do more work themselves hehheeeeehe. Yes thats the way I thought but it worked. Met my first temporary spponsor and my first real sponsor that way. also got to know their sponsors and hang out after the meeting at the greasy spoons. Some of the honesty gets even better. A few clowns reveal they are just as sick as me every now and then. I kind of trust them more than the real well ones.
Welcome to MIP, Lee. I'm really glad you said that you find it hard to share to your satisfaction. So do I. I get caught up trying to explain stuff to fit in with what I'm trying to learn & to fit into what I think the crowd will understand even though I hate that sort of conformity & 'trying to fit in & cover bases'. I always feel like I'm being dishonest in some way & the truth is, I think I'm just scared to talk about the simplicity of my feelings that day. To expose that core of me to a group of people who still deep down I fear will think I'm mad & reject me for being so insignificant. That's the root my problem & I need to start talking about it instead of just being frustrated with not being perfect & being ashamed that I simply don't trust, either myself, my Higher Power or the people around me during my shares in a meeting. I share to try & to partake & make that effort but sometimes I feel worse for feeling & thinking like 'I got it all wrong' or feeling like I'm lying. That's probably the madness of alcoholism & I'm ashamed that 15mths off a drink 1Day@aTime, I can still feel like that. I'm scared to say how I really feel in a meeting. I'm scared of being judged for my weaknesses when really I want to be my best. Talk about the pain of my pride & self-pity. Thanks for being here & helping me to share from my heart now. Thanks, Lee. I hope you can say how you really feel while you're here too. Thanks for helping me, Danielle :)
-- Edited by Sobrietyspell at 23:33, 2008-01-19
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Welcome to MIP. I do hope that you'll stay around.
Congratulations on your two months. That's great!
I was, and am, still fairly shy when speaking at meetings, but it has got better over time. I guess that I wasn't used to talking about myself in front of people when I was sober. Now, when I was drinking I was happy to tell anybody anything about myself as it was just so fascinating LOL!
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you? We're all here for each other and anything that you want to share is just fine.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Well. It is so nice to welcomed in this way! Thank yall very much. I knew that if I could find a place to express what I am feeling and going through in text I would be making a crucial step towards my recovery. As I have said I can not seem to express my emotions out loud to people. My wife is the closet one to me but she doesn't understand the disease I have. (Took me a long time before I could truly admit to myself that I am sick) She interprets things in her own way to try to understand but it ends up being completely different from what I am trying to express. Who could blame her? I am just a mess of personalities right now. And I have been for over 15 years.
The one thing that is a constant in my life has always been the need for acceptance into society and to be liked by my peers. I lie when I say I could care less what people think about me. That was probably one of the few things I actually cared about. (I care for alot of things now. Thank you God!) But the fear of being rejected and the paranoia of being ridiculed is overwhelming. One of the reasons I drank was to relax and be myself. The life of the party, the funny guy, the one everybody wanted to hang around. As I have grown older those youthful ideas have stayed with me. But they did mature. I began to think I didn't have an identity without the effects of alcohol. So I started drinking more and more until finally it became an every night thing. It became apart of my existence.
"I stayed at home." "At least I don't go out to bars and nightclubs." "I quit drinking whiskey and now I only drink beer." "I have never cheated on my wife and I am a good person." "Right??" I tell ya that Big Book raised a few hairs on the back of this neck a time or two. Perhaps a few more times than that! lol.
Anyway, thanks again and I will be coming back to post my ramblings. And yea I know. "Keep coming back. It works!!"
Welcome to MIP, and to a really terrific group of folks here. You are part of the family now, my friend!
I can understand being shy, but not to worry. You will get more comfortable in time, as you see how thoughtful and caring the people here are. Just like in the real world, there is an occasional disagreement between 2 folks about something or other from time to time, but we are all humans. Nothing ever gets to the point of being too tough to just deal with. We have terrific moderators here too, who keep things the way they are supposed to be. All around, we just come here and share whatever is on our minds, or going on in our lives. Whatever is said here, stays here, and I have great faith in this forum, after being here on and off for over 2 years now.
We are glad to have made another friend in you, and look forward to getting to know you! Congratulations on your latest accomplishment. I am a re-tread, with 2 months, and a sobriety date of 11-13-07, so you are not alone!!
Relax, grab a cup of coffee, stay sober and have some fun!!
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
The beauty of AA and of this forum is we can speak our minds and thoughts and truly be honest if we so want to. I dont feel any of us here ever criticize each other! If we do it seems that the criticism is well taken and sometimes in fun or jest!
I too sometimes feel what I say in a meeting can be misconstrued and feel dumb after saying it. But, maybe we've touched someones heart by our honesty and openness. Did you ever listen or look at someone and think, "yea, right" but later on say "i know just what they were trying to say!?" Make sense?
Yes daniele, we do need to start talking about it and see where it goes....you just never know! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
The one thing that is a constant in my life has always been the need for acceptance into society and to be liked by my peers. I lie when I say I could care less what people think about me. That was probably one of the few things I actually cared about. (I care for alot of things now. Thank you God!) Strange how this works the same for so many of us.
Everybody had better like ME! How dare they not! However I reserve the right not to like, respect or accept you.
What a shock to our EGOS when we find out that they have that same right, not to like, respect or accept us!
WoW! That just blew my mind, when I figured that one out! EGO is like a bunch of gas filled balloons, and one of them popped that day!
__________________
Until I know what I'm doing, I'll ask questions from someone who has what I want. If I don't like the answer, it's probably the one I need!
Welcome to MIP, and to a really terrific group of folks here. You are part of the family now, my friend!
I can understand being shy, but not to worry. You will get more comfortable in time, as you see how thoughtful and caring the people here are. Just like in the real world, there is an occasional disagreement between 2 folks about something or other from time to time, but we are all humans. Nothing ever gets to the point of being too tough to just deal with. We have terrific moderators here too, who keep things the way they are supposed to be. All around, we just come here and share whatever is on our minds, or going on in our lives. Whatever is said here, stays here, and I have great faith in this forum, after being here on and off for over 2 years now.
We are glad to have made another friend in you, and look forward to getting to know you! Congratulations on your latest accomplishment. I am a re-tread, with 2 months, and a sobriety date of 11-13-07, so you are not alone!!
Relax, grab a cup of coffee, stay sober and have some fun!!
Joni
Oooh! Five days apart. Very cool. Thank you Joni for your kind words of welcome.
ps. Coffee addiction is one I never took to. How about I grab a glass of lemon tea? lol
The one thing that is a constant in my life has always been the need for acceptance into society and to be liked by my peers. I lie when I say I could care less what people think about me. That was probably one of the few things I actually cared about. (I care for alot of things now. Thank you God!) Strange how this works the same for so many of us.
Everybody had better like ME! How dare they not! However I reserve the right not to like, respect or accept you.
What a shock to our EGOS when we find out that they have that same right, not to like, respect or accept us!
WoW! That just blew my mind, when I figured that one out! EGO is like a bunch of gas filled balloons, and one of them popped that day!
Wow is correct. I never thought about it that way. But you are right on the money with that observation.
