Well, my sponsor's flight was delayed by a day due to gettting snowed in! I talked to her hubby earlier and she won't land back in S.C. till 9:30 tonight. Got lots going on and really need to share some....
My son came to see me. He's decided not to come back home. He's living with friends, a teenage married couple with a baby - ugh! But, atleast I know where he is and he's not homeless. He's been job hunting for the last couple weeks and actually has an interview or 2 this week. Not MY idea of what he should be doing BUT, I have learned I have no control over him or his life. That's still a tough one for me. I had such high hopes for that kid! But I'll keep working letting go and letting God.
I've been sleeping some better the last few days, but still having nutty, colorful dreams. Guess you all were right, it's from hashing and re-hashing the past. Haven't had another drinking dream since last week, thank God. I really hate those. Waking up in a panic is just not fun.
I've learned quite a bit about myself these last few weeks (since my 5th step) and have come to believe that I can be restored to sanity (am I doing the steps backwards - LOL). I don't think I ever believed that before . i.e. relapses. Somehow it feels different this time around. I'm making meetings EVERY day now. I really like and respect my sponsor. I'm doing well in not living in tomorrow. I had a big problem with that one, too. I'm learning what "just for today" really means. What a blessing that is.
I know we're not supposed to make any life changes for a while, but I have put in a letter of intent for management at work, (my sponsor approves), which is completely out of the norm for me! Not bragging by any means, but I've always been the kind of person who gets what she wants just to discover I no longer want it. I've come to realize that is because once I get "it", then it's work and I never wanted to do the work to keep whatever it was - again i.e. relapse! So, I never had a desire to move up with my corporation, it would be work and I need that job! I dont' feel that way anymore. I find I'm excited about the possibility of being in management, doing the work required and being damned good at it!
I, too, am slowly letting go of my John, very slowly. I've known for quite some time, as I've shared with you, that he is not the one. But, too afraid to let go. I'm not so afraid of that today. I have no intention of quitting him right away, but I'm slowly backing off. Only seen him twice since the holidays and I find I'm doing other things and not worrying about being at home 'in case he calls" etc. That's a BIG one! I've been dependent on him for way too long, I suppose.....
I feel today the the 9th step promises are beginning to come true for me and I have no intention of quitting before the miracle happens..
Living life is wonderful. Living sober is awesome. Living one day at a time is joy.
Thanks for letting me share........
Love, hugs and peace to all.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Dol: Your post really touched me. The promises do come true when were ready , or so you are proving that to me by what you are experiencing! So, thank you! A job well done!
We did step nine tonight at my meeting. Cant wait for that!!!!! haha Well, I am on step 4, slowly plugging along.... Tonight I shared with my husbands sponser of all people, that there is one amend I DONT want to do and wont do damnit!!!! Pride mostly! He shared a story about the same type of situation....finally made amends to this person and three years later, the guy offered him a job, great pay, and theyve been close ever since..... Told me not to worry about all that yet, by the time I need to be there, things may change......
"Before we are 1/2 way thru we will be amazed!!!"-arent you excited about that!!!
So, keep up the good work and thanks for sharing! It all does get better! Lani
And btw, best of luck with the job!! You deserve it!
-- Edited by lani at 23:56, 2008-01-17
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Wow, Doll, sounds like a lot of GOOD changes, from within, are happening for you. What a real blessing this program is!! I am really glad you shared where you're at right now, because I am looking forward to some growth myself. Sounds like you are really just taking each day as it comes, and making good decisions!
((((hugs)))) Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
