Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24
Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It's not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changing - if ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I was thinking earlier about when I hit my bottom and how I needed that to face getting sober. Until I hit my bottom there was no way that I would have tried and maintained any sort of sobriety.
When I hit my rock bottom, my boyfriend was staying with me (we had separated because of my alcoholism but wanted to see each other again).He was medically up against it and was staying with me while he saw a spinal surgeon about a problem in his neck/shoulders. I knew that he had been in great pain. I knew that he was still in colossal pain. I knew that he was very worried in case he needed another spinal operation. I was desperately worried and would have taken the problem away from him if I could. I would have done anything to spare him from it.
But, just over twenty-fours hours into his visit I got drunk again. And, did I ever go for it? I became very drunk and verbally highly aggressive towards him. I accused him of various 'crimes', none of which he was guilty of, of course. I was taking out my rage, fear, frustration and every single insecurity on him. I really let rip and went for it. I have been thinking about that this evening as I can't sleep with pain in my neck, shoulders and head. The fact that we are still together and as close as we are is a miracle.
My life is now so different and I want more of this. It feels good.
Thank you for your post and reminding me of how far I have come.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
This is probably why so many people fail to get sober. They've been sent to AA by the courts and haven't hit bottom yet. My counselor at the out patient program that I attended (who was an AA) said that they try to bring the bottom up (high bottom drunks??) so that the drunk doesn't have to lose everything before they realize that their life is unmanageable. Bob.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
