So many issues. So much crap and no sponsor yet has me wondering how much longer I can go on like this. Even with everything I have going on right now I'm not desiring to drink, but I can see what can happen in the future if I'm not careful and I'm terrified!
How does one find a sponsor who isn't more interested in their marital problems?? I've had 3 sponsors and all they could talk about the whole time we got together to work my steps is their marital problems. The entire hour is spent with me playing marriage counselor and I've never been married!!! In 2.5 years I've yet to get through all of the steps with a sponsor. I've had to rely on myself the whole time. I can't tell if I'm doing any of it right, or if I'm doomed to fail.
I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with and I am prone to be delusional, but c'mon! Is it suppose to be this difficult to get/find a sponsor?? The last one I had tried to be extremely controlling. That one didn't last more than a couple of weeks. Anyone else have problems finding a sponsor? What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me? Am I that unlikeable? Are my problems so scary that, at the first mention of them, they run for the hills leaving me to fend for myself?
I'm feeling a bit depressed today. I have to put my little dog down due to some serious health problems. Maybe I should wait until I'm done grieving over my dog and see where my mind is then and how I feel?
I feel so messed up today.
Not So Spry
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My mind is a dangerous neighborhood. I dare not go there alone.
There are two days in every week that we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said - yesterday is gone!
The other day we shouldn't worry about is tomorrow, with its impossible adversaries, its burden, its hopeful promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds - but it will rise. And until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse of bitterness for something which happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time!
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Thank you Phil. I'm printing up what you posted. I'm trying really really hard to stay in today, but today is such a sad day that I don't want to be here. It's a loud reminder of one of the reasons why I drank....to not FEEL!! When I'm honest with myself, I'd rather be sober and be able to feel pain and sadness for my little friend than to be drunk/high and not feel anything.
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My mind is a dangerous neighborhood. I dare not go there alone.
Hey Spry! I feel for ya, losing a loving faithful friend is one of the hardest things to get through. My prayers are with you hun! As for the sponsor, man can I relate!!! It took me 20 years to find the best sponsor in the world! I had her for 1 year and we did most of the steps together then she died. Now I have a drill sargeant sponsor and I hate her, I love her but I hate her. But what am I to do? I know I need a sponsor and I tried 3 since my sponsor died in October. Chin up girl, keep searching, dont stop. And one thing my sponsor always told me about drinking to ease pain of something she always said "dont pour gasoline onto a fire"!!! Good advice!! Love to ya Spry! Allison
Hey sprygirl!!! Imho you are right to want to find a sponsor. My suggestion is that you continue to pray for God to lead you to someone, and then cooperate with that prayer by going to LOTS of meetings. Maybe even try some meetings you haven't been to before. God is sure to bring you someone, if only for a time. Keep coming back!!!
I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your dog. I lost two of my beloved dogs within 6 months time, and I understand how painful that is ((((hugs))))
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
take it easy right now and take care of yourself H.A.L.T. and sleep etc.... take time to go and do something that you enjoy and watch out for caffiene. usually stress level = caffiene level with most that I see.
I don't know how much time you have but when I felt like you do, I went to more meetings and looked for better quality meetings. I went to meetings daily for the first 3.5 years. Had 2 home groups, both were step meetings. One was on monday to get my head right for the week, the other was on friday eve to get my head right for the weekend.
Try looking for a sponsor that's not married? I only asked people with 25+ years to sponsor me and looked for them at older established meetings (in churches usually).
I'm so sorry to hear about your pet, Spry. It takes guts & compassion to make that decision & give your friend some peace at last. I know they will be missed & thought of sorely yet then fondly in time. I'm sorry for the grief you will feel. Don't let yourself have the grief of remorse on top of that should you ever wish to drink on it. You're doing great & it's obvious you're working hard. I'll vouch for all the suggestions you've had for your post & I'll remember you in my prayers too. God be with you & console you while you search & find the strength you need in these trying times. I pray you'll be ok ~ 1Day@aTime. Bless you, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Phil hit the nail on the head - Don't worry about tomorrow, keep your eye on the 24 hours at hand. .....A sponsor can be anyone. They don't have to be older, they don't have to have 100 years of 24 hours. My sponsor's sponsor has less time than she does, but the gal had what she wanted.......Hang in there, and don't project....Get your rearend to a meeting!
(((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
m'fren'....my heart goes out to you this day. As for finding a sponsor, it has been suggested to me that I find somebody who has what I want and get her help! Some would disagree, but I use two sponsors, and they are aware of each other. One was instrumental in helping me get clean the first time, and the other gives me assignments to work the steps today. I talk to both, sometimes daily, and sometimes I can only reach one. I needed 'em both today, as I too had to put down my dog TODAY. I'll always remember that Wolf got relief from his pain close to the 1-year anniversary of my mother's death. ouch. I am so grateful that I didn't use over it! -unlike Mama's death, unfortunately, but it takes what it takes. -and HELL NO, it's not any better out there. In fact, I have the legal issues to prove it! But as for the loss of Wolf, I am grateful for the time we had, and grateful that he did not suffer long. He was a wonderful boy, and I owed it to him as a loving parent to let him go. I thought he was wimpy because he was bored. Can not take him elsewhere to play currently, but after I discovered the tumor and had it removed, he health deteriorated nearly exponentially. Six days after the surgery (yesterda) I called the vet (on his day off) and expressed my concern, called again this morning, and when he called me back the pathology report had come back with bad news. By midday Wolf could not walk, and my tears flowed. I know that my S.O. and I did the right thing by not attempting to keep 'our son' around, and we got the vet to speed his escape to that place we don't understand. My tears are not for him because I know he is comfortable, or at least without suffering. I know that my tears are for MY loss, and my S.O's loss. Only folks who've been brought back after flatlining know what death is like, and most say it is a great peace. I, however, choose to view it as just the next step of my existence. Much like I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I do not know what the 'other side' is like. That doesn't mean it's bad! -besides, would God do that to his childlren? I think not! This is growth for me, as I work to accept the loss of my playmate/protector/nuisance/scrap disposal/Big Guy. There is certainly another dog somewhere who is good at keeping the cats in line, a dog that needs me as much as I need him/her. I will be better off remembering Wolf in mid-air after a ball or frisbee, a grin on his dog-face and full of pride, rather than being angry at the loss. After all, much like human kids, he was only on loan to me! One more thing: try this acronym; SLIP stands for 'sobriety loses its priority'. Peace be with you.
Great advice here - stay in today, let God, get to meetings... and keep looking for a new temporary sponsor. I am in a similar situation. I had a GREAT first sponsor who moved out of the area. I have since had two other sponsors which have fallen far short of what I'd hoped for. I am still with one of these, which, I feel is better than none. We do not have that many women in my area to choose from, but I am constantly on the lookout for one.
QUESTION: to those with more time... do you ever reach a point where a sponsor is more of a peer or accountability partner, rather than a mentor? It seems a natural progression to me, and maybe an easier person to find. I can understand two newbies not being much use to each other, but two people established in their programs might have something to offer, it seems.
QUESTION: to those with more time... do you ever reach a point where a sponsor is more of a peer or accountability partner, rather than a mentor? It seems a natural progression to me, and maybe an easier person to find. I can understand two newbies not being much use to each other, but two people established in their programs might have something to offer, it seems.
yes, my sponsor is a longtime friend. His program is stronger than mine (IMO) his nickname is "Big Book Bob" because he's a major BB thumper. He makes a lot more meetings than I do and attends alanon also and is a thai chi instructor, so I get a mixture of wisdoms there. We have a lot of discussions comparing coda, acoa, and alonon where they intersect... He's also one of the few that I've known that his marriage survived sobriety and celebrating a 35 year wedding anni soon.
My mother has 32 years this month and I think her sponser sobriety numbers in the 20's, but like mine is more active.
Maybe I should wait until I'm done grieving over my dog and see where my mind is then and how I feel? 
