Well, okay, sobrietys not that horrible per se... Of course im datin some girl who doesnt drink at all, sooo.. that sorta makes it easier i guess...of course im disobeying the old veterans advice bout datin, but meh...
Anyways 21 days today, and havent really been thirsty, which is good. I have discovered that aside from a few family/personal resentments, one of my greatest ones is the fact that i wont be able to drink anymore-- Im shure this is pretty standard.
here are my random thoughts:
Sobriety sucks because not being able to take a single drink really sortof isnt that cool in social situations, imho. Yeah yeah, i want to be the lone exception who can have a few at some point in his life, but thats doubtful, i know.
The thing is, ive been dragged to a few bars by people who just wanna go out and say i dont have to drink. Hadda crappy time of course cause all i could think about was WHY CANT I DO WHAT THEYRE DOIN? I didn't, and i didnt even have the burning desire to that i figured id have, which is a good thing.
But the way i feel about it is drinking culture is a major part of social life, especially at my age of 29, and me being an attorney, or (i guess) a young urban professional (YES I KNOW ITS TOTALLY GAY TO CALL ONESELF THAT, THANKS), people hangout, they drink, and bein able to hang out and do that with others is good for business, etc. etc. People that you talk to in bars think your wierd if you are like 'nah i dont drink'. Well then WTF are you here for? is what i feel like they are thinking.
EXample: I got a couple cocktail parties im sposed to goto for Xmas. Now i dont think its wierd to be a 'non-drinker', but i do think alot of people will be like, creeped out by me if it becomes apparent that i CANNOT and i WILLNOT take a drink. I know that me and alot of others over the years, even way before i had the serious alcohol problem i developed later, were always wierded out and/or suspicious of people that wouldnt and couldnt drink.
I feel like people will be like either (a) Whats he trying to hide, whats he afraid he will say or do when he gets drunk, hence not trust me completely (not good for an attorney) or (b) they will realize that im a recovering alcoholic, and that if i take the first one then its the start of a bender every time, and they'll think 'oh great, yeah hes fine now, but one of these days he's going to take that first drink and then BOOM, everything comes crumbling down, and No thanks to having our files in his office when that happens.
I guess what im trying to say is that drinking culture, at least where i am in terms of place/time, is a major part of social life, and also has alot of career aspects to it. And I dont think anyone has a problem with anyone who just doesnt drink much at all- the people who dont drink much will nurse a couple of beers all night, and everyones just like Meh, so and so isnt much of a drinker, no big deal- but i feel like the guy who cannot and will not take a drink ever ever ever is going to be looked at suspiciously, and people are going to doubt him and wonder wtf is up with him.
Im not sure if this is just my own alcoholism talking, and that most of the sober world has respect for someone who cant/wont under any circumstances drink, and im just an alkie so i didnt trust people who couldnt take a drink- i know alot of people that feel that way, but then, they are mostly big drinkers. Then again, they are not alcoholics, and they have jobs that pay 2x what mine does, alot of em, so meh. Maybe its just me not being confortable in my own sober skin yet (well i am more or less but not around people drinking i guess), or if theres some validity to my point.
Dont get me wrong, even if this is all true, Im going to have to work with it somehow because i am well aware i cant drink. Please, if you are going to asnwer this post, dont quote the BB at me and tellme im justifying my next drink and blahblablah, because im not an idiot and im not a BSer, and if i really was doing that, id know it and id admit it to the whole world. I am just wondering if any professionals/career types on this board have felt the same way that I do about not being able to be part of the drinking culture that so permeates my demographic, bot social and professional (lawyers are HUGE degenerates, if u guys didnt know...)
Thoughts?
PS.
Anyways, 3 weeks sober and not thirsty, so thank God for that at least...
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The only thing worse than being sober is being drunk...
Keep up with my alleged 'progress' and general rantings, or just laugh at me, if you want: http://diaryofamadman11.blogspot.com
Well done with your 3 weeks, Rich. That's Awesome. I hope your curiosity is insighted for whatever is to come next. One of the things that I enjoy about sobriety is the more it progresses as it unfolds more new stuff is revealed to me that I could never notice or experience before on deeper & more consistant levels. It's like a movie I haven't seen yet. I love the continued newness of it all. I hope as your days pass you can appreciate this too. I don't want to 'do what they're doing' just for today because I'm so interested in what I am doing & sharing this with what 'we are doing'. You're not alone in your mission & as your sobrietyspell elongates it'll become ever increasing in its intricacies & implications. It's enough to keep me in suspense! I hope it can do the same for you. Sorry if none of this is very specific in its content. It's the process I'm attempting to tickle you with. Never mind all the things you've done before. This is the biggest adventure you can have. The reality ride. Enjoy. Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
29 is a good age to sober up. That's when I spiraled into the ground for the last time and surrendered to the fact that I am an alcoholic.
I am powerless over alcohol. That means for me that even though I could not/would not under any circumstances take a drink, I always did.
It seems I suffer from a form of insanity. I would always, at some point, believe I could, once again, control and enjoy my drinking, soon the first drink would, after various lengths of time, send me on another bender.
Sometimes, I would control my drinking, but then I wouldn't enjoy it. Sometimes I would enjoy my drinking, but then I could not control it. Finally, when I truly needed and desired to stay sober, I found I could not.
It finally got to the point where I was willing to ask for help; I got it. Everyone I know who has sincerely asked for help has received it.
My work involves being at occasions where drinking is going on. I am the designated driver. It's simple, the designated driver does not drink. I travel internationally for work and my foriegn friends love it when I arrive as they can drink with no worries of the terrible local punishments for drinking & driving. I enjoy these occasions and if a friend has too much to drink I give him a ride home.
Let's see, three weeks, helpful advice: Sit down, shut up and hang on.
Hi, I am 2 weeks sober today and was at a meeting last night where there was a girl of about 19 so 29 isnt young.
I made the mistake last time I was sober of NOT LISTENING and not taking advise, thought I could do it my way and guess what, back out there I went only this time I nearly lost everything.
They say to stay away from drinking places, Me, I started dating a man who owned wine bars. They say go to lots of meetings, I didnt need to, I could go in a bar and not drink. Bollocks. It soon started again.
I was a trainee accountant and my carreer also took me to social functions. I thought I could handle it and that it was necessary for my carreer. Guess what, when I got sober this time, I no longer had a career. I didnt listen you see. Thought I knew best and I could do it MY WAY.
Think about it, you dont HAVE to go to parties to enhance your career cos in time if the urge takes you again you may end up without a career.
In early sobriety you need to put YOUR needs first. Sod the parties. Steer clear of temptation until you have a good sober time under your belt.
p.s. I knew a guy last time i was in AA who if anybody offered him a drink he would say he cant hes on antibiotics and if they asked why he would tell them he had a dose. Soon shut them up.
Thank you for sharing, and congratulations on three weeks!!! I'd like to share my experience (and hopefully, hope and strength) with you. I came to the program at age 24, having dropped out of college in my senior year. At about 2 years sober, I completed my college degree and then went to law school. I became an attorney at a major law firm and there were often social functions -- related to work -- at which alcohol was served. I went to some, and others I skipped. If I went, I prayed before that God would keep me sober, and upon arrival immediately got a non-alcoholic beverage. If I began to feel uncomfortable at any time, I would just tell folks that I had another engagement to go to, and then would leave and go to a meeting or call someone in the fellowship.
You need to know that -- contrary to what I had believed -- my not drinking at these events, or skipping them entirely, did not in any way damage my career. I found that ultimately people (clients and law firm partners) are more interested in the quality of my work than whether I made it to the Christmas parties and other functions. I was promoted to partner and am still partner at a major firm today.
Now, the danger signs and pitfalls: after about 16 years sobriety, I was on a major case that took me away from home for several months. I was working nearly 24/7 and not making it to any meetings. Though I returned home in time to "take a cake" for 17 years, I was disconnected enough from the Program that I decided to just skip that and told everyone "I'll take one next year at 18." Three weeks before what would have been 18, having not gone to a meeting for at least a year, I was in a social gathering: my 25th high school reunion. One of my classmates came back to the dinner table with two bottles of wine: one red and one white. When he got to me, to ask which I wanted, OUT OF NOWHERE, I asked: "What's the entree?" Needless to say, that started a 2 year spree, with my pride and ego not allowing me to come back to the Program and stand up as a newcomer. Finally, the demoralization and loneliness got severe enough where I had to come back: that was 15 months ago, and I am very grateful to have made it back when I did.
Today, I'm still invited to lots of social functions where alcohol is served. And, some I go to and others I skip. If I decide to go, I always check in with my sponsor on my way to the function, and call her again when I'm leaving. And, again, if I feel uncomfortable while there, I excuse myself and go to a meeting or call my sponsor. Somehow -- and I don't fully understand why -- having the accountability of regular contact with sober members of the Program (especially my sponsor) helps tremendously when I have these social functions to go to. The most important thing for me is to have daily contact with the program and fellowship, and to pray each day, and often throughout the day, that God will keep me sober.
It does suck not drinking in social situations... so the remedy? We have to change our social situations. Meetings and new sober folks in my life have helped me to find ways to relax and unwind and socialize without the drink, and without it even being a temptation. Thus, the self-pity about "not being able to drink" is dissolved. And I CAN drink at any time.... I just CHOOSE not to, for today.
Oldtimers have said for a long time now, that "if you keep hanging out in a barber shop, you will eventually get a haircut". Never truer words were spoken!
Have a great day, and keep those sober days rolling!!
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Thanks for all the responses. I am well aware that the 'question' that i posed, if it could even be termed that, really doesn't lend itself to being 'answered', per se.... It's basically 'okay you may have to sacrifice a few things and not live quite like others do to keep your sobriety-- else, you can die in the gutter, you choose.' As jigsaw said in Saw "Live or Die, make your choice." Bah, sobriety sucks...
I like the antibiotics thing, altho i spose that'd get a little old... I know this girl though, who has a liver condition that she got from being overprescribed painkillers for carpal tunnel...they messed up her liver and like, everytime she drinks now, she turns yellow-- i spose i could say i have somethin like that from like, an accident i had or somethin...But meh, us recovering alkies are not sposed to lie, i thought--then again, I'm a lawyer, so im sorta licensed to lie my balls off when necessary, i suppose...and by necessary, i mean that it'll ultimately make me 50cents of profit or more, OBV...(kidding?)
Anyways, glad to hear that not drinkin isnt a social apocalypse. Of course regardless of what anyones saying, i feel like it is at the moment...I missed my best friends housewarming party because there was no way I could be around that much free liquor at the moment and a bunch of people I know trying to force it down my throat... Most of my friends, even the ones who are lifelong, truly dont understand the extent of my alcohol problem-- they just know that its fun as hell to drink with me, but fail to realize that when they go off to work in the morning, im at the Liquor store, impatiently waiting for it to dinally open...it's too bad. Then again, i spose i havent really sattem down and explained in excruciating detail how even though they dont realize it, alcohol has stripped me of just about everything of any value in my life, and that I am damn lucky to even have my attorney's license with the record I have and the shit i have done...Maybe Ill have to asplain it all one day- havent cause i feel like thats sorta gay, and that men dont usually whine to each other like that so often... so its probly alot my own fault for bein insecure or prideful (insecurity and pride- if not the same thing, twin brothers at least?) I guess Ill have to do that at some point...
ANyways thanks for all the positive comments-- Bottom line is im not struggling with the thirst the way i thought id be, so again, thank God for that....Helps that im on this diet that'll totally asplode if i drink a single beer (ketodiet) but will lose like 5 lbs/wk if i dont...
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The only thing worse than being sober is being drunk...
Keep up with my alleged 'progress' and general rantings, or just laugh at me, if you want: http://diaryofamadman11.blogspot.com
I won't quote the BB, but I will tell you that it is the alcoholic's manual for staying sober, one day at a time and it tells us that unless we are spritually fit, we WILL fall. I've been in AA for 2.5 yrs and I'm not spiritually fit enough to go to cocktail parties or events where alcohol is flowing. One day I might, but I may never. I don't take the chance. My life is too precious, today.
AA is 100% successful, but only for those who take the suggestions, work the steps, get a sponsor and attend meetings. This one I know for sure. I tried doing it MY way, I ended up drunk, twice! The first time after 32 days, the 2nd after 13 months! When I finally came to the realization that I will never be able to drink 'normally' , I took Step one for real!
There's an 'unwritten' rule that relationships should be put on hold for atleast a year into our program of recovery, but the 'why' is usually left out. The reason - relationships take the place of the alcohol/drug. We focus on it, instead of our recovery. We usually end up drunk, even if the other person does not drink! (ask my boyfriend of almost 5 yrs about this one).
One thing I've learned in sobriety, the only thing I HAVE to do is not pick up that first drink.
I pray you continue on your path of recovery.......
p.s. If I must tell someone I no longer drink, my excuse is Dr's orders. They have no clue who Dr. Bob is
-- Edited by Doll at 21:38, 2007-12-17
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hey Z.... Heard a great thing tonight at a meeting.....Guy has 8 months, still tries to hang around his old friends, miserable when he does.....But it was so cool tonight as he was sharing that he has sooo many parties and functions to attend the next week!!! "Now I'm partying where before I used to use!!" Stick around long enough, share your true witty self, get to know people and you will be amazed at what an awesome life you can have without drinking!! Theres always something fun to do with x-drunks!!!!!
A old co worker left where I was working after I had been there about 6 mos. We had a huge going away party for her. We laughed and stayed out late and of course I got wasted!!!! Funny thing, when I first went to AA, who do you think is sitting there!! The girl I used to work with. Come to find out, she had 5 years sober and she's my sponser's best friend!!! Small world...But the point of my story is.....I thought she was drunk too! She had just as much fun, if not more, than we did!!! I laughed when I shared that with her! People dont even notice whether your drinking or not!!!
What does "Meh" mean??!!! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
