So, tis Friday & I'm just getting round to giving feedback on last weekend! lol There're so many posts to read & reply to here@MIP that it has been fitting to save the best til last. LOL KIDDING!!!!!!! It sounds like everyone has been having a better time of it this week though my prayers are with those suffering bereavements & there have been so many. God bless you & those who lost their lives; their friends & their families who will miss them. Maybe their stories have not been in vain for each makes my heart stronger in sobriety & burns into my life a stalwart commitment to my fellowship & those who wish to sober up too. God please grant me another day of sobriety. Thankyou x
This week has been a good week for me. I struggled over the Weekend & lost somewhat more of my ego. I freaked out cuz there was alot of talk about Jesus & Our Father & I haven't held with either of these in my life uptil now. They were the very specific Higher Powers of some of the people who were running the retreat. I didn't like this & was offended! Offended! I realised soon after that in my personal affront I was denying their Higher Power & thus denying a part of this spirituality inside me too. A fellow member pointed out that they were all paths up the same mountain & I realised the truth of that with relief. I let down my defences & in doing so found a new place to pray from. I did come to believe a little deeper past my pride, arrogance & selfishness & a little more humility seeped in. I realized where my resistance was routed from & I realised that in my own selfishness & defiance, I was not enough & thanked the God of my understanding that I was not enough cuz that meant there was a little more room inside for 'Him'. I've always disliked the masculine term & never wanted a faith to decry any of the others which is why I sat on the fence of Godlessness so long.
The beauty of the weekend was that it opened my heart & mind to a real 'feeling' & lift from faith & I've returned with an inside insight on the possibility of the power in all the faiths & religions. My curiosity has been ignited from a personal & subjective vantage & I want to know more. More about all of them. There's always been an element of disdain & fear linked in with my view of religions & the history they've had in the world but now I'm actually interested in how they've all come to be & their relationships with each other. This really lifts me & I'm glad it's not a flat subject to me any more. It seems to have come to life because my faith & belief is stronger now. I also know that this is all that it is & why one cannot be seen as any more superior to another. This has opened my eyes & heart to how all the different peoples on the planet may live from an inside point of view. I didn't want just one & to deny the others so this way I get to explore them all & feed my own faith in this power greater than me. It's all interesting stuff & another thing I got from working the steps at the weekend was this sense of a clean slate coming in to be maintained. That was beautiful & I know I have my life cut out for me to work on this daily.
I also began some Inner Child work during a meditation & that was amazing. I healed & had some reconciliation waking up to the knowledge that I wished to have my 6/7yr old Danielle's approval for the woman she had become. I forsook all the mistakes I'd made in ignorance & selfishness along the way & swore to honour the child in my likeness towards her innocence, faith & hope. Obviously with works! I can continue this with a book from one of Dean's fave authors, John Bradshaw. This all ties in with my understanding of my Higher Power & I don't know if I'm managing to communicate any of this with any clarity but it's good for me to express.
Thanks for listening if you've stuck with this so far! I won't say any more. Just to say that I've been praying Steps 3&7 everyday since & it's really helping. I feel like I have a reconciliation with Danielle before she drank. I feel like a child again, only this time capable of growing up with some sene & maturity without a drink. It's all thanks to the care & forgiveness of this Program & the people who work it & join me in fellowship. You're all amazing. Danielle x
All paths up the same mountain!!! Love that! Thank you for the share. It seems to me that you had a very spiritual awakening and it has agreed with you immensely! I can see from your posts that you have been given a gift that cannot be taken away!!! I need one of those retreats!!!!
Reminds me of a story I once heard....(imagine that) We all have the ability to ask our HP for whatever we want. He will bestow many gifts upon us and all's we have to do is ask for them..... Us being alkies have a hard time asking for anything! Anyways, this man dies and goes to heaven. He enters this HUGE room filled with tons of gifts wrapped in beautiful packages! He asks God, who are all these gifts for.....God answers that they were all his when he was on earth, he just never asked for them!!!!
Ive always loved the fact that no matter who or what your HP is, all's you have to do is ask!!!! We never know just what "gifts" we will recieve!!! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I too enjoyed this share this morning. Danielle, you seem to have gained some Open-mindedness and Willingness regarding your Higher Power. It is a beautiful thing to have the freedom to explore all different faiths and to take from them each one's own strengths.
I had grown up with a 'religious philosophy' that I had grown to hate. But in recovery, I learned how to look at and perceieve this as valuable in it's own way to those who practiced and believed in it. I also gained the freedom to explore and choose what works for me.
As I recover from my "bump in the road" recently, I enjoy reading posts like yours, because it helps invigorate me in my own spiritusl walk.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us!!
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
