I am really sick of the roller coaster I've been on for the past 10 years. You folks have witnessed it here on these boards countless times...some of you have even been compelled to inform me that you're sick of me too. It's not always nice to be agreed with.
I just can't seem to get it, I just cant do what it takes to stop. I'm a reasonably intelligent person...I read the literature, it makes sense to me, I understand it. I go to meetings and I pay attention, I listen...and it goes in one ear and out the other and I'm right back where I started from.
I went AWOL recently, so you are NOT ALONE in that. All I know for myself, is that I gotta work the steps again, because something was missing. I got a new therapist too. But my HEART's gotta change. So I am just going to keep coming back. I hope you do too.
Take care, and JUST FOR TODAY, Tipsy.
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
did you get a sponsor... a call list and use it before you took that drink.. are you continueing to go to meetings regardless...
wether or not I'm "sick of you" or I dis-like you, I STILL want you to succeed in this program. There are many that I don't like, but I love all in the fellowship and I want each of you to get and stay sober. To know what it's like. And to LIVE!
-- Edited by Doll at 06:08, 2007-12-11
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
TM I love that avatar. It looks just like me, before I have my coffee in the morning. Pray for willingness, get someone that scares the **** out of you for a sponsor and do whatever he tells you to do. Pretty much just do everything you've ever heard that anyone did or does to stay sober all day every day. Only 1 in 20 of us get sober and stay sober for more than 5 years. Those people you could not keep them out of meetings if you had them in a bank vault with the door locked and the building was on fire.
Visualize that. The place where the meeting is, is on fire and you desperately need to get in there to save someone's life......Your Own
Just a suggestion, but you might need extra help. Have you considered a inpatient treatment program? BTW. I don't like you, your a prick. You show up all tore up and humble then in a short period of time you get all nasty. But I was a prick when I drank and often still am. But your a drunk like me and nobody should have to die a drunks death, I've seen it and it isn't pretty. Good Luck. Bob.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
When I go to meetings I listen to everything that is said and then personally apply it to me. If I didn't do that I would have forgotten what was said within a few minutes.
Just keep getting your a$$ to meetings and your head will follow. Get a sponsor and keep in touch with him and do everything that is suggested to you. I tried to do it my way until I had to accept that my way wasn't working.
Therapy has also been mentioned and it might be worth checking it out. You've got nothing to lose, have you?
And, please keep posting and letting us know how it's all going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi there, Welcome back? Saw you had posted a while back.... "I read the literature, it makes sense to me, I understand it. I go to meetings and I pay attention, I listen...and it goes in one ear and out the other and I'm right back where I started from." I guess my question is....Youre doing all the right things but are you done drinking? Can you admit your powerless? I went to meetings and still drank in the beginning...For some reason I just couldnt get it either! So, finally got on my knees, asked for the obsession to drink to be removed, and before I knew it....Here I am! I think that when we toy with drinking and stopping and meetings and all the other half-butt stuff, thats when were confused the most...Its a miserable life!! So best of luck to you. Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Buried another member of family last week. Still in disbelief he couldn't "cope" with life so he hung himself. Alcohol related. Just one of it's benefits. This week......... Inside........I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!! I AM ANGRY AS HELL THAT ALCOHOL HAS WON FOR ITSELF ANOTHER VICTORY.......my 26 yr. old nephew.
BUT
I know I CANNOT CONTROL ANOTHER'S ACTIONS, EMOTIONS, OR WORDS! Want to keep riding that Merry-go-round.....knock yourself out. Road this ride with you before. I'm dizzy.....time for me to "let go" and get off.
As active alcoholics, we lost our ability to choose whether we would drink. We were the victims of a compulsion which seemed to decree that we must go on with our own destruction. This line from Joni, in a post up above, made a lot of sense..
I can identify with yu bud....
I went to meetings and drank, for 7 years....
It was just a route, that I had to take...
Its that simple....
The compulsion to drink, plus the ego....over rode everything else...
Keep comming back....till the time comes..
That you stay, and dont hafta come back..
To each their own road..
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Do you know what your worst defect is? The one of which you may be in the most denial? The one you're the most attached to & won't let go? I don't know it. I won't even assume. It's yours to be revealed to you. But, you will have to work for it & ask yourself some serious questions. Before it's too late. It's already later than we think. Do you even really want to get sober? Is your desire not to drink stronger than your desire not to die? How much do you hate Day1? Try & get away from it. Give yourself a chance. Even if just for the sake of trying something different. Just the thought of Day1 scares me enough to keep me sober some days. Other days it has been the knowledge that I have spent half my lifetime doing something fruitless & since I don't know how long I have left I'd like to see what else I can experience in life ~ sober. The rest of the time it has been my growing sense of a Higher Power of my own understanding. This, for me, has been the slowest yet surest burner & what is keeping me sober today. My Higher Power also works through people. There are no mistakes or coincidences in A.A. I am neutral with you yet love you in fellowship, Danielle x
Speaking of no mistakes or coincidences, I just received a text from a fellow alcoholic I met on retreat. I'll share it with you & hope it helps ~
"When you yearn for the past to relive it once again, To have a chance to change things that may have happened way back then.. Remember that from life's trials we have the chance to learn, To be stronger and much wiser throughout each twist and turn Leave yesterday behind it has been and gone Today has brought a brand new dawn for you to build upon So, even if the clouds are the darkest there could ever be Behind them lies bright sunshine just hang on in there and you will see"
Good luck with getting honest
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I would love to say "you will make it", BUT I'm not God - so I can't say that. All I know is that in Ch 5 HOW IT WORKS it states Rarely have we see a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
I do for one thing know that this disease has the potiential to kill us or others. I pray that you are not one of the sufferring alcoholics that has to continue to suffer or die for me to stay sober.
Plz include me in your flamewar if you start one, guys...im like 18 days sober, and OBV bored to tears...bout to gouge my face off with a spork over here...Or maybe we can have the first sober barfight?? That sounds like it might be kinda fun....
Tips, i just read some of your previous posts, and yeah, you seem liks sorta a pain in the bolx...but hey, we're alcoholics, it's expected of us.
From readin your previous posts, yeah, your def an alkie, regardless of what your psycholigist thinks. It took me years and years before the pride i had at bein able to drink an entire handle of whiskey and still be standing and able to be kicked out of every bar in town in the same night turned to shame. I still cant quit romanticizing my drinkin cause i am still totally convinced that i was the coolest cat around when i was drinkin, even though for some odd reason, people stopped wanting to associate with me when i was way f***ed up...
Anyways im ramblin now, as i tend to do, and generally offering little constructive advice cause if i knew anything about bein sober, i wouldnt have a pain in my abdomen as im typing this, probly...
Hope you get there one day sir, sooner rather than later...The men in my family were taught that drinkin yourself into the ground is the man's way to go...but i can tellya, from what i've seen, it's not that pretty...
GL to you sir, srsly.
-- Edited by Zarathustra at 22:49, 2007-12-12
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The only thing worse than being sober is being drunk...
Keep up with my alleged 'progress' and general rantings, or just laugh at me, if you want: http://diaryofamadman11.blogspot.com
