hey y'all,
well, got past those couple of days of depression, at least the constant depression anyway... still having bad ups and downs though, but not as severe downs at least... I went to a meeting Saturday night, one I hadn't tried yet that my sponsor suggested, was just me and a couple of older men, real nice guys, one has 47 years, the longest sobriety time in this area, and the other has 9 years... my sponsor said I can trust both of them and talk to them. Was good for me to get out and around people, and good to get to a meeting... and my sponsor is going to help me find some more meetings to try out too.

Tonight's been interesting... couldn't sleep and was feeling really down, went into the chatroom I go to, was talkin to some people, and this newcomer came in, a girl a year younger than me... and I was the only woman in there, well the other woman in there was away... and one of my "dads" in there put me on the spot, told the girl she should talk to me, said we're about the same age and that I've got a pretty good program (think he was just tryin to cheer me up lol) so then he was sending me private chats walkin me through what to say to her... was kinda weird... to be trying to help someone else when usually it's the other way around lol but it was good, it really got me outta myself and out of my screwed up head for a bit lol Once the other woman came back, who has much more time sober than I do, my friend told me to turn it over to her... which by that point the tiredness had been hittin me pretty bad again and I'd been gettin to the point I really didn't know what to say anyway lol

Funny thing is, earlier in the night, I'd been in there and we had 3 newcomers come in there... one didn't say much of anything, asked a few questions here and there... and the two others were trying to justify stuff like "controlled drinking" and a few people in there were giving them a lot of crap and ignoring the quiet one... I was trying to talk to that person who wanted to "control" his drinking, said somethin about how I tried to control it last year and wound up on a binge and suicide attempt... and it caught that quiet girl's attention... and she started askin more... wound up talking to her awhile in private chat and ended up with her looking for a meeting to go to... and told her she can email me if she wants to... that was my first experience with I guess 12th stepping... that "dad" of mine that put me on the spot with that other girl, I'd told him about this, which is why he did that with the other girl that came in lol but it was good, because he was helpin me find the right things to say... the first girl that wasn't much of a problem... she had been sober a time before but never went to meetings, but seemed really willing to give it a try this time and mostly just had questions...

Anyway... I dunno, I'm kinda rambling... but it was kinda neat, something new for me... and it really did get me outta myself for a bit... could see now why people have always told me I'm helpin them more than they're helpin me, when I'd go to someone with a problem or something...

I gotta try to get some sleep... or at least some rest... going to my sponsor's this afternoon, and an apartment across from her just opened up, gov't housing that I could afford... gonna look into that, see if I can get in, till I'm ready for my move up north... if not... then I'll probably be heading to Iowa a lot sooner than I'd planned... and I hadn't really wanted to rush that... so prayin this works out.

Love and hugs to all,
Lisa

-- Edited by ChicknLittle at 07:41, 2007-12-03