How bad do things have to get for an A to hit rock bottom and quit drinking?!
My dad was drunk last night and he fell. When he fell he knocked a glass of the counter and it broke on the floor and he landed face-first on it. A piece of the glass cut his face right under his eyebrow. My mom was scared he had lost his eye - which Thank God he didn't. He had to get stitches. The doctors said if he tries to take the stitches out (instead of going back to the hospital when he is supposed to) that he could lose his eye!
I'm really scared of what may happen. I also know though that this will not "open his eyes" as the saying goes, pardon the pun. Heck when he got home he kept saying I want a beer and a smoke (aka cigarettes).
So again I ask, How bad do things have to get for an A to hit rock bottom and quit drinking?!
Addiction is one of the few diseases that tell you you haven't got it.
My feeling is that rock bottom is sometimes relative. I know sober AAs who never got anywhere close to rock bottom. I don't think I hit rock bottom.
Telling an alcoholic that they have to hit rock bottom is (sometimes) kind of like telling them to keep drinking, IMHO.
I purchased the HBO 4 disc set on addiction (and have only watched the first disc) and found the part about three drugs that are available to control the craving particularly interesting. On the two people they showed who used it they had some very definite results (I assume they were going to meetings and doing the steps along with it, but that wasn't really mentioned.) I have never gone to treatment and done the 28 days thing- I never had the time. I actually envy the people who have done that as they seem to end up with a lot of information and tools that help them with their recovery.
At this point in my life if someone close to me were having serious drug or alcohol problems I think I'd want to go the intervention route and try to get them into an inpatient program.
I remember for awhile in my earlier sobriety I got quite angry & upset about hearing alot of others rockbottoms & I didn't bottom out that low yet I still wanted sobriety & for my life to change with all my heart. I was comparing myself & feeling resentful that it may not be viewed that I deserved sobriety as it hadn't been 'that bad' for me. But really, it did not need to be any worse. I remember exclaiming in a meeting once 'Just how low do you have to go!!!!!??' My demand was that I wanted to get sober & not compare myself to worse. I know that disease only wanted an excuse & I've fought it all the way. As for your Dad, I'm really sorry to hear that he's not seeing a link between the chaos & pain in his life & the continuous need to drink & denial of its influence. My rock bottom did come in an interventional kind of way. My relationship with my exboyf was tumultous & we broke up after more drama. Later that day he came back & interrogated me in a no holes barred way that could be likened to Motivational Interviewing & I could deny no longer the destructive role alcohol was playing in my life. I don't know what other kind of rockbottom I would have had to have had but I'm glad he hit me with it first. So, maybe an intervention would be good with your Dad. We say we're powerless over people, places & things but that's not to say we can't have an extroadinary influence on someone else's life. See about giving it a go? He can't go on causing such pain to himself & his family forever or worse. You're well with in your right as someone who loves him to try it. It's what he chooses to do with that that you're powerless over. At least you'll have tried & I know it will hurt if he continues but it's worth a go, hey? Just from my experience, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I was comparing myself & feeling resentful that it may not be viewed that I deserved sobriety as it hadn't been 'that bad' for me.
OMG that is so true for me!!! These guys would come every meeting and commence their regular one-up-manship of just how screwed up they were, and it somehow seemed to invalidate or trivialize my own issues. ESPECIALLY in light of the fact that I will always try to keep a cheerful demeanor and a positive outlook. Since getting sober I have had so many people I know tell me, "Well you didn't really drink that much anyhow- just at parties and stuff" and those kinds of inaccurate asessments of what was really going on- chiefly because I was (by textbook definition) a "high-functioning" alcoholic.
It's taken me a while and lots of reading and talking with other alcs to come to the conclusion that the whole "you have to hit rock-bottom" thing is a little vague for some people and in many instances subject to some interpretation.
Lots of people do have to hit rock bottom before admitting they have a problem. Some people have much more extreme "rock-bottoms" than others. Some people just get scared and smarten up earlier on than others, IMHO.
I think there's a respect for those who 'get off early' too. It's the spiritual malady I'm concerned with & learning how to live. The physical was a matter of time. I wasn't going to stick around to find out. I don't think the mess we got ourselves in is anything to be proud of only insomuch as we have turned it around with each other's help & it's not like that today. Those shares are for the Newcomer who may be at their worst & may need the hope. For me, it serves as a reminder & to teach me compassion. Those who get off earlier strengthen the resolve of the lowbottoms. Maybe it's a case of ~ well if they're getting sober while they still have a choice then maybe I'm definitely doing the right thing when I perhaps haven't? Just a little of my own psychological interpretation. I know it doesn't do to project or guess other people's thoughts. Only what I might think if it was me. There's allsorts of us here in A.A. & the principle before personalities is that we have a desire to stop drinking. Nothing else matters. One alky to another. Something for everyone. It's a good thing we're a goodmix ;) Thanks for sharing that, Toby. We don't need an excuse for another drink. Just for today, my life is better & I'm staying sober. Danielle x
Ps. What does IMHO mean?
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
How bad do things have to get for an A to hit rock bottom and quit drinking?!
Unfortunatly, the question awnsers itself. And I dont mean that in a smart alik way, but to hit rock bottom things must be real bad. Because to me, rock bottom enough to make an alcoholic quit is usually when the body or mind simply cant take it any more. The good news is that we dont all actually have to hit "rock bottom". Sometimes, some kind of event can cause us to stop long enough for our heads to clear, and some kind of program can then take over and help us stay quit. BUT.. we still have to have the desire... or even that wont work.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
How bad do things have to get for an A to hit rock bottom and quit drinking?!
Unfortunatly, the question awnsers itself. And I dont mean that in a smart alik way, but to hit rock bottom things must be real bad. Because to me, rock bottom enough to make an alcoholic quit is usually when the body or mind simply cant take it any more. The good news is that we dont all actually have to hit "rock bottom". Sometimes, some kind of event can cause us to stop long enough for our heads to clear, and some kind of program can then take over and help us stay quit. BUT.. we still have to have the desire... or even that wont work.
The biggest obstacles to sobriety are: Youth, Health, Wealth, and Brains. Usually an alcoholic must exhaust most of these before considering that they have a problem. This is a clasic list but it neglects one big factor, ENABLERS!
Alcoholics will almost never hit bottom as long as there is an enabler sticking pillows under his @$$. Once the family says "get sober or get out" the alcoholic begins to listen. Once his suit case hits the sidewalk, williness is possible. Until then, Enablers are wasting their time. I've known of so many 30,40,50, 60 year old men still living with their mothers (my next door neighbor was 67 when he died last year of liver cancer).
I'm so sorry you're hurting, sweetie. I wish there were an answer to your question. I believe if you thought you had the answer you'd be waiting and watching for it, and then you'd know his recovery would follow. Unfortunately, as already said, bottom or rock bottom is different for all. And sadly, some never hit it.
For me, I raised my bottom for many years. I hung out in places and with people if I were not drunk would never go or associate with. I'd drive drunk and pray "God if you let me make it home tonight, I'll never do it again". I did it again, and again, and again.
I've never had a DUI, never been fired from a job, haven't lost my home or gone broke, but there's always the possiblity that I could, because I am an alcoholic.
One bottom for me was when the love of my life gave me a choice of him or the booze. Another, getting up the next day to find that not only had I wrecked my car, but I'd wrecked it into my own damned house! Yet another, was hitting every bar within a 40 mi radius and coming to in a strange man's hotel room!
Recovery and / or AA is not for those of us who need it, it's for those of us who want it. And some just never want it.
What you can do; pray for your father to be given time. Time to hit his own bottom and WANT to get sober.
In the meantime, take care of you.......
You and your family are in my prayers.
(((((Hugs))))& love
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
How bad do things have to get for an A to hit rock bottom and quit drinking?!
Unfortunatly, the question awnsers itself. And I dont mean that in a smart alik way, but to hit rock bottom things must be real bad. Because to me, rock bottom enough to make an alcoholic quit is usually when the body or mind simply cant take it any more. The good news is that we dont all actually have to hit "rock bottom". Sometimes, some kind of event can cause us to stop long enough for our heads to clear, and some kind of program can then take over and help us stay quit. BUT.. we still have to have the desire... or even that wont work.
The biggest obstacles to sobriety are: Youth, Health, Wealth, and Brains. Usually an alcoholic must exhaust most of these before considering that they have a problem. This is a clasic list but it neglects one big factor, ENABLERS!
Alcoholics will almost never hit bottom as long as there is an enabler sticking pillows under his @$$. Once the family says "get sober or get out" the alcoholic begins to listen. Once his suit case hits the sidewalk, williness is possible. Until then, Enablers are wasting their time. I've known of so many 30,40,50, 60 year old men still living with their mothers (my next door neighbor was 67 when he died last year of liver cancer).
Man there is a lot of good information on here sometimes!
Yeah- intelligence. I don't consider myself any kind of genius, but I get by. I just read a chapter in a book on substance abuse counselling theory and practice and one thing that was very briefly pointed out was that intelligent people statistically tend to run a high risk of alcohol problems. I kind of identified with the statement only because I (and through me my disease) tend to try and outsmart myself. First thing that pops into my head sometimes when people tell me all of the reasons they dont have a problem and don't need to quit drinking is "Too smart for their own good."
But then there's also that bitter pill where- once you've admitted that you're an alcoholic- well for me, drinking was never any fun after that. Maybe it was just timing and coincidence but really- once I came out and said it out loud the shoe fit so perfectly that there was no doubt in my mind- and that ruined drinking for me. Funny backhanded mixed blessing there. Ruined drinking yet made life a whole lot better.
Thanks for all the ESH, it was much appreciated. I'm not even sure why I even wasted my time asking or should I say even thinking it because my mom has been in the hospital 3-4 times for alcohol poisoning and each time when she left she said "I'll do that again, I promise." but then still continues to drink anyways. In a lot of ways, I feel my mom is a worse of an A than my Dad so I don't know why I should even think he would change if she won't.
