You ever have to make a decision? Sometimes it hurts like hell. I've come to realize that this relationship I've been in for almost a year has become unhealthy. I've weighed the pro's and con's. Should be really simple right? Wrong......... When it comes to doing something that is hurtful to others I will sometimes run just in order to not do it. This program is all about doing the next right thing. It's kind of like I'd rather keep on feeling like crap than breaking up with this girl. She's got three kids which I totally adore and love. This is so freaking tough. The thing is I really don't think it's anything I'm doing that's causing this. I was sitting up at our AA club last night with a friend and in walks her sponsor. Half an hour later in walks her old sponsor who still helps her. I talked to both of them reluctantly. Kind of made things a little clearer for me. Thing is I don't think either of them really know her, at least not like I do. They both pretty much said she's got to much going on in her life and isn't ready to be in a relationship. For all I know, maybe I'm not either. I know this has nothing to do with alcoholism. I just needed to get some of these thoughts out. Thanks for listening.
Sometimes it hurts like hell. (This kid is going through that stage at present) where a 9 month relationship, and a few growing pains on both sides, resulted in one, making a decision. and there is no blame. I know that that decision was made out of "Fear", and the most frustrating part? There is not a thing that I can do about...and accepting some of these things...is very difficult... I have made a couple of major decisions lately....that affected , not only myself....but also the future of that relationship as well....because I firmly believed that no matter what we both had to do.....we would make it through...together. Didnt happen.
In your case? Its never easy buddy. Someone gets hurt, no matter what the decision is. If it all can be fixed? Great. If it can't? Then those decisions are in your hands. And the answers DO come.
I know, that in my case? There were a few things that I had to fix about me and looked at...
I wish you the best with this bud...
I really do.
ps. Lost your email address.....resend it to me will yu....
Keep on truckin!! And keep lookin up!!
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
In making those kinds of decisions, you need to consider what's best for yourself first, second, and last. It's a selfish program. If they were your kids of course it would be worth more time and effort to try and "fix" the relationship. If you think that the relationship is unhealthy and not a good one for you to be in, then you are probably right and should get out. Life is too short to be hanging out in relationships of convenience. You're not responsible for her feelings, with regards to tactfully ending the relationship, and ending relationships is something that we need practice with anyway. If this one needs to end, you'll be doing both of you a favor by doing it sooner rather than later, before it get more integrated. Bare this in mind also, the holidays are almost here, and it's not going get any easier. I'll probably get some heat for this, but, generally speaking, when you're dating within the program, your fishing in a polluted stream. Or I'll put it in another way. As a group we are typically "attracted to the wrong type of people" for us. This program is full of "them" (Us) lol. For clarification I mean that we are so much alike that bumping heads over like issues is almost inevitable.
I married a non-alcoholic 10 years ago, and it's been nothing but smooth sailing. Best of luck to you.
edit: (after reading Lani's post) once again my comments are a bit one sidded, of course there are lots of successful AA marriages and relationships, my apologies.
Hi all Its a beautiful day again!!! I keep hearing comments about how people in AA shouldnt date, hook up, Make a decision for at least a year, or probably wont survive a relationship while getting sober! Well, here I am married 19 years and we are both members of AA recently. Scary thought huh!? I guess I can only pray for the best!!! Good luck to you Justin. You are the most important person right now. Do whats best for YOU!! Its scary and sad but you'll make the right decision!! Enjoy the day! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
It has been a long time, but from what I see, you are still forging ahead as a sober man. That requires going through the neccesary trials that give men the experiences they need to be the men they are supposed to be.
If something in the heart is questoining the arrangement, then there is something about it that is not right. You are young still, by the grace of God. You have much time ahead of you, to be sober and to start a family of your own some day, if that is what you want. Just stay sober, and do things the right way, instead of making the same mistakes so many of us have made. if you ever want details of some of the lessons I have learned the hard way, message me.
If not, just know that I admire you and the amount of life you have ahead of you, and I know you will get through this much stronger because of it, and your sobriety.
((((hugs)))) Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
