I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I'm finally getting to the truth. It's substance that counts. -- Anonymous
There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.
Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know how to focus on substance.
Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.
Now, in recovery, we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like. Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person - me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
That reminds me about what God's Word has to say about God's "CHILDREN", He LOOKS AT THE HEART. he goes past the outward appearance and goes to the Heart of a man/woman.
That is where we are either are Worhipping God, loving our neighbor, caring for the sick and elderly, sharing with another alcoholic, ministering to the lost.
What does Man look at? Some of it is mentioned up above! Man looks at the outward appearance, he looks at your beauty, at your style and fashion, your associations, the area in which you live, the car you drive, how much money you make, the school your child goes to, all the things that people think make them important.
I choose what GOD want's for my life. He helps us to make it simple and to live for him it becomes just that. Come to me all you who are tired and heavy laden for I will give you rest for my yoke is light. If you want to know how to do that you can wriite to me at my private mail box.
We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic
I love that statement. Being authentic. It really took me a long time, and I'm still learning, what authenticity is for me. Being true (and truthful) to myself is one of the first steps I had to take on this journey, rather than trying to be true to others first. When I'm busy trying to catch my reflection off of others? Arrogance can sneak in because I've built that outer shell of what I think others percieve in me. If it were not for the spirituality I became acquainted with thru the program, I would still be "out there" mirroring what I thought I wanted for myself.
As the post says, getting caught in trappings--and we totally miss life when we are constantly maintaining external things rather than maintaining the internal. So often I think we confuse false pride with self-respect. We are so used to "downing" ourselves, it is like we don't feel we deserve to really and truly fill ourselves in with the goodness that is inherent in us. So we are afraid to dip past the surface.
Thank you, Carol, for a very good post. Love Chris
Maybe my higher power is telling me that I need to pay attention to that one. I am reading that book and just this morning read that same page. Guess I bookmarked it for a reason. hummmmm
Thanks for this, Q. Form can seem so immediately gratifying in a superficial sense but it is substance that feeds me when I'm ready to accept that. I've spent the last 2 hours fussing over my appearance so reading that really made me laugh. Oh, to be wanted needed & 'desired' (ego as opposed to love divine). Sometimes my own desire for me just isn't enough, such is the dis~ease. It will pass. I'm human lol Can't wait to get this book. Reading it will keep me out of trouble for a few minutes. Like posting here does! Just for Today. Thanks Carol, have yourself a great day, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
