Throughout recorded history, love has burned in the hearts of composers, writers, painters, and playwrights, and smoldered in those of parents, children, and friends. Love, primal, passionate, and pure, has been dissected, revered, praised, and derided. It has been called complex, ethereal, and mysterious. We long for a definition but fear that the feeling called love would be less exhilarating were it defined. Much of the mystery is rooted in the incomprehensibility of love's purpose. Self-sacrifice, procreation, caring, and romance can all exist separate from love. It is possible to have intense feelings for others but not define those feelings as love. And yet love remains a powerful and universal force that uplifts, inspires, and is strong enough to bring about great change.
Like the wind, which we cannot see yet know is all around us, love is often more easily perceived through its effects. As we transcend the boundaries of ego in order to love and be loved, we put aside self-centeredness and experience unity with another, and compassion, peace, joy, excitement, and fulfillment are the inevitable results. It is irrelevant whether the focus is a lover, a child, a relative, or a friend; the results are both familiar and novel, more so when love is returned in kind. But Paramahansa Yogananda noted that "to describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So with love." Those who have tasted of it often equate love with jealousy, bitterness, resentment, lust, or aggressive attachment, but it is none of these things. Love is both a feeling and an action, for as it brings us into the light, so do we strive for the happiness, safety, health, and fulfillment of those we love.
It is true that love can be fleeting and accepts few controls or conditions. The strongest loves blaze into being and wither away in an instant or last lifetimes. The one constant is the release of emotion. Love is not learned but brought forth from within because the basic nature of the human animal is love. It is only fear that causes the need to love and be loved to be buried. When we accept our worthiness and reject indifference, it is then that we are able to become outlets of love.
I'll add the following because it will help me to work on my love for myself (with my Higher Power) which in turn will help to make me a more loving person. I think this is the whole point of love..
This can be used whether I believe in Jesus or not. For me it's a universal concept.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN THEORY OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Jesus loves me, this I know.
He loves me unconditionally.
THEREFORE: HIs love for me is based on who HE is.
THEREFORE: I have not earned His love, nor can I earn His love.
THEREFORE: I cannot be separated from His love. When I obey Him, He will bless me. When I disobey Him, there will be consequences for my behaviour. He may not like my behaviour, but He always loves me.
THEREFORE: Since I have experienced God's love, I know I am loveable.
THEREFORE, since I know that God loves me, I am able to believe that there are people who could love me too.
THEREFORE, I am able to trust people who genuinely love me.
THEREFORE, I am able to accept the love that those people give to me.
THEREFORE, since my most basic need for love and a sense of self-worth have been met by God, I don't need to be 'fixed' by other people.
THEREFORE, although I have needs that I look to other people to meet, I believe those needs are balanced and God-given (companionship, affection, fun), I try to be honest in assessing those needs and in asking for what I need.
THEREFORE, I expect other people to be honest with me. I can handle criticism or confrontation if it is done with love.
THEREFORE, since I know that I am God's special and unique creation, I know that the love I have to give is valuable.
THEREFORE, I don't feel that I have to 'perform' for other people. They will either love me for who I am or they won't It's important to me to be loved for who I am.
THEREFORE, I am able to get my mind off what others are thinking ABOUT ME and focus on other people and THEIR NEEDS
THEREFORE: I am able to sustain a healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
A pretty tall order I think for me but I get the general message! On a simpler note, my sister gave me the following one birthday ~
Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy It does not boast It is not proud It is not rude It is not self-seeking It is not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
This makes me sad in some ways as I am learning to let go with love those I have failed in the past but I hope my capacity for love improves as I do.
Thanks for all your shares & being here, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Hi Danielle, this was forwarded to me this morning, so thought I'd share it with you. hugs and love, chris
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.
-- Don Miguel Ruiz
The maxim Nothing but perfection may be spelled Paralysis.
-- Winston Churchill
After enough mirror gazing, we all develop our cosmic sense of humor. We no longer try to be perfect, or try to get all our work done in time. We become content with whatever life brings. Just to deal with what comes up without crucifying ourselves or others is enough of a challenge.
Thanks for this, Chris. I was almost expecting a rebuff of some sort for the seeming pretentiousness & ideal of unconditional love. I know no such thing but then people can love us in imperfect ways. My mother's love is probably the closest I've come to it because I'm hers but then if I upset her she'd still have to push me away but then maybe not. She never has & has always accepted me back despite how hard it must have been at times to love me & be my Mum. She'd say 'I may not like you but I'll always love you'. I didn't like that because I thought 'what's the point in that!?' but then for a long time I felt the same way too. My Mum loved me all my life but she didn't act that way at times & I hated her for it. Now I understand she must have just found it difficult to be a person like I did/can. A.A. helped clear the scales from my eyes to have that compassion. I hate attributing all of my good qualities to A.A. because I did have some good points to my personality before I came in! People share in such generalistic terms sometimes in A.A. that I feel I must think & feel the same way. I do get a lot of identification & I am grateful for its positive influence but I think it gets a bit too 'religious' & pious in the sense that I must have been a heathen mess before I arrived & needed a program. Is it necessary for us to put ourselves & our lives down so much after we come in in order to move on or is this why we come to believe in God in order to accept our imperfections & be loved through 'Him' which to me is just a route & device in learning to love ourselves & bring long~lasting meaning to life, to try on faith? My whole life has been about seeking perfection, well, because of my arrogance & wanting to be accepted 'for being right'. I just thought if I wasn't perfect then I couldn't be loveable because I disappointed others. I let lots of relationships & friends go because of disappointment on both parts so I'm nowhere near perfection or unconditional. To me, unconditional love risks abuse. Not on a self~acceptance level. I can learn to love myself simply for the sake of being grateful to be alive. How often I can forget this when I'm self-centred. It still is all about loving & accepting ourselves so that we don't need to expect too much from others cuz we're getting it from inside. I need both, inside & out, probably more to give out. I'm told I have to give it away in order to have or keep it. But then we can't give away what we haven't got. Why is life such a paradox! & then seemingly simple when we're happy? (maybe I'm in denial that I've got it. I must have it by now!) I'm just musing, Chris. I hate my desires sometimes. Right now loneliness & lust are my defects in focus. Each related to the other & another recovery I'm working on. To be comfortably single, alone & comfortable with myself. I'm fine for the most part but if I get tempted I go insane & lose my centre. Am I trying to obtain an impossible perfection with sobriety AND celibacy? My ego says yes. My heart says no. I want to be someone worth being with & if I'm physical with someone, the only person I cheat is myself so, ironically, being both would make me more worthy for myself to be with. I will love & forgive myself as I grow in my journey however long & windy that is I don't have to tell myself that when I am fully recovered, then can I love myself, but then I don't want to bullshit myself with forgiveness so that I can justify bad behaviour in myself like people who do what they want & then confess to a priest to get it off their chest until next time (if there are such people) Where is the fine line between not being perfect & loving ourselves regardless? I've just proved to myself that my love for myself IS conditional! Maybe if I loved me I wouldn't have to cheat myself & seek these other things out. I know what my goals are, I need to keep desire out of the way & focus on my primary purpose. Stay sober no matter what I do. Look after my causes and conditions. Do my Step4. Stop messing about. Thanks for letting me share this, Chris. I hope you can understand. Just for Today ~ I will thank God for giving me my life to mess about in. I don't have any real problems beside just being a person & trying to get better at my best. Life is good & hopefully I will wake up with a New Day to try again with for tomorrow. Good luck with yours & my best to you, Chris. Thanks for listening, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
