This posted subject "TOPIC" is because I am a Mother with an "A" for a Child.
The drinking that was done in our home for several years had cost us healthwise allot, financially allot, emotionally allot,spiritually allot, friendships allot, our marriage allot, so on. It shouldn't have cost "US" anything other than OUR LOVE and OUR PRAYERS and OUR SUPPORT. But because of the "GUILT," SHAME, FEAR, VANITY, WORRY. THe feelings I allowed to grab ahold of me were tearing me to pieces a little at a time.
So to this day instead of learning to stick with Recovery my child has dropped 2 BOMBS on me this week alone. He is almost 22 years old and has just been given a car again by my Father. I wouldn't give him another one because he crashed the first one. Anyway the "BOMBS," Mom, (I am broke again, always,) Ruby moved out because we have broken up again. (I can't pay my bills or my rent now) they will evict me. I have a lease they will ruin my credit history if I can't pay rent. What am I going to do? I owe my credit card company! How am I gonna pay? Next, Mom they just sent back my record check for this NEW JOB and I have my old juvenile record popping up with the wrong dates. Plus a very serious crime a woman is charging me with is on my Record that say's it is pending. That can't be I didn't do it! She is a Liar! So on.
I have said and done many things when I drank. I never thought about them, or how I sounded. I certainly never had credit cards to worry about in my life. Not until I was older, then that was at about 30 years old and I had my child then. I warned my child not to open an account yet. It was done anyway, now the regrets! My advice has been unheard for years and years that is so sad. As a child I had displayed Strong rebellion toward my parent's when the drinking and smoking pot started. Lying, and all the other top winning Sinful behaviors all set in.
I am certainly happy to know that I have been "FORGIVEN" every bit of me nothing left out. I am fresh and clean today as yesterday and tomarrow. Holly Holly, Holly. Lord God Almighty, God In Three Person's Blessed Trinity
For he orders his Angels to protect you wherever you go.they will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a STONE. You will trample down Lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
Mother of an Alcoholic. The meeting I went to today was everybit as good as the others. I always leave with a bit more peace and a bit more sanity than I went in with.
Earlier that day
The phone rings and it's my child. The voice on the other end is desperate and wants help. So instead of dropping everything to help the voice on the other end I help myself. I can only help myself now, there is no help for the Alcoholic that is still out there running in circles.
We as Mothers can pray, say get into Recovery before it gets any worse. But like everyone in my life I have ever seen drink and use that I have known. We get it when we hit Bottom and it's our own Personal Bottom. Then God takes our brokenness, despair, hurt, pain, and he makes us into a New Person. One that we don't even remember as the years go by.
The way I keep that memory fresh in my mind about "WHO" I used to be and who I am now is by going to a meeting and being "HONEST." Sharing from the GUT of PAin that I feel about my child. In doing so God brought others in the same situation to talk to me about there troubled children too.
When it was all said and done. I ended up with a New Sponsee a gal that has but a tiny bit of Sobriety. That feels hopeless and full of despair, depressed and alone. SO with that I can again focus myself onto an ALcoholic that want's THE PROGRAM of RECOVERY. Starting the 12-Steps until there completed if she wants them. It is always my Prayer that one more Alcoholic Woman or Man gets into Recovery and that she/he will get the PROGRAM and give back what is so freely given to them. And watch the Miracles be unleashed by Heaven to yet another RECOVERED DRUNK.
I have a 17 yr old, who, as far as I know, isn't an "A" YET, but he did dabble with drugs & alcohol for a while, until it landed him in jail. When the judge told him he could send him to youth detention until 18, and from 18-21 on to adult prison, I think it made a difference, atleast for now. I pray that was his 'bottom'. He's on probabtion until his 18th birthday, has restitution to pay, must see the PO, go thru drug & alcohol counseling, and get drug tested weekly. I refuse to take him to any of these appointments ( he had a truck and proceeded to tear it up and let his so-called friends tear it up). I refuse to pay his restitution! I will NOT enable him. He created this situation, I didn't, so he must be responsible for his actions, not me! He had no problem finding a ride to go get high, so he's now got to find a ride to counseling and to see his PO. He had no problem finding money for drugs, so now, he must find it for restitution.
The state I live in says I'm responsible for him till he's 18, BUT, at 17 he can do as he pleases and I can't do one damned thing about it. So, I pray for him, that's all I can do, that's all I will do. Until he wants to do the right things, he's on his own. When he decides he wants to get his life together, he's got my full support. Should he make it to 18 and still continue down the wrong roads, well, he won't be dragging me along. He's been told, he's got until 18 to get it together or get out! He won't live here, I won't support him. Period!
All I can do is continue to live my life and keep doing the next right thing! What he does with his is now up to him. Should the day come when he can't pay his rent - because he chose drugs / alcohol over being responsible - oh well! Not my problem.
They don't call it TOUGH love for nothing'
Hang in there, hun!
(((hugs)))
-- Edited by Doll at 08:05, 2007-10-06
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
When I shared last night at a meeting I walked away just a little bit better than when I went in. You are right in what you are saying about letting them take responsibility for there own actions.
I took my Sons actions as my responsibility for a long time. I have for years! He was my only child and I beleived that I could change the Generational Sin in our family.
I can't do anything, only GOd can with the willingness of the person that has the addiction ( Free Will) so needless to say like it says in Al-Anon I can't Change it, I can't control it, and I didn't cause it.
We put my Son when he started this at 15 years old through a 20,000.00 rehab in Idaho. Then another one down by Santa Cruz, then another One at D.V. R. then another outside Rehab the court gave him. SO on and on until after he was 18 and it continued. I with the help of my husband have spent well into 100,000. 00's of dollars on this kid and he still keeps running like the well will never run dry. Our mortgage has risen $800.00 for him and we have had to make cut backs in every area of our lives. Attorney bills were $35,000.00 during the juvenile years. This doesn't include all the rest of the money for the other rehabs etc. He was also sent to Private Christian schools so that he would have a knowledge of GOd's Word and how much he was Loved.
We kicked him out the first time at 15 because of drugs. Told him to sleep in the backyard with an ice chest full of food and a tent sleeping bag so on. That didn't work he just took off. He hasn't and isn't welcome back here with his disrespectful mouth and lifestyle. He smokes, drinks and lives for himself. We just don't get along because he is so disrespectful to me and so headstrong and violent.
We put him on medication for years also trying to see if the Doctors were right with the Diagnosis of ADD, then they switched per my request thinking he was Bi-Polar. Medicating him with a new medication that wasn't worknig and he didn't like because he was still using drugs that I didn't know about. Boy, and to think I am still SOBER. Praise you LORD! I know you are here with me and I know that it is only by your GRACE that I am still SOBER today.
My Son is charged with Assault, Domestic Violence ( broke his girlfriends nose). The girlfriend is a Policmans daughter. Then another girl screamed rape on another charge that is pending. If you think that it can't get any worse believe me with what I am seeing it can and will until the person stops runnig there own life and turns it over to GOD. I would have never thought that the beautiful baby that I LOVED and still do LOVE could end up with one of the ugliest diseases that can and will ruin your life.
If there are any Mothers or Fathers out here that have children going onto the road of destruction on Alcohol and drugs. Get as much HELP as you can. Don't give up on your child try everything you can before throwing in the towel. We tried it all and maybe even more than most it just didn't change "HIS WILL." I am praying for you to be Stronger than you ever have ever been in your life. To have a foundation in GOD, be Sober, work your program, and hold on for a ride you never thought you would ever see in your lifetime.
I can't pat myself on the back for doing and being like most of the human race now. However, I can and will say that in being part of it, it is a wonderful place to be. GOd uses us all in ways that we can never dream of when we turn our lives over to him. I never thought it possible, that little ole drinking, using, running around with men me. Could end up a Citizen that people respect and look at with respect.
SInce being a sober Mom the last 13.7 years. I LOVE the LORD with my whole HEART and LOVE my NEIghbor, I work a program, go to Church, read the word, and go to Bible Studies to learn more about OUR Father. I volunteer for Prison Ministries so that GOD can use me to Minister to those Men that are in Jail that don't know GOD to here about GOD'S LOVE. God has me writting to MEN in PRISON to bring in my friendship and LOVE as well as sharing GOD"S LOVE there also. Most of these men and women are there because of drugs and alcohol related crimes, 80.% That is the figure we know about through one Ministry it may be higher.
I am going to court with my child when the trial begins in February. I don't want to see this happening because I know that the end results can be devasting. He needs our LOVE and SUPPORT, even though he is running scared.
I remember the FEAR I lived in daily when I drank and used Cocaine and it wasn't any fun. So my HEART prayer to GOD is to BREAK that Addiction in my child. So that he can return to the LORD and to Serve him wIth his whole Heart, mind and soul. To be a man that loves all people and cares about them deeply.
Thanks, Pam P
P.S. Doll I am praying for you too! I do hope that your feeling better and that today is a day that you are resting and trusting in GOD. Be Well
Psalm 91:11-13