Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good. It's there and more is on the way. -- Beyond Codependency
Our goal in recovery is to make us feel comfortable, peaceful, and content. Happy. We want to be at peace with our environment and ourselves. Sometimes, to do that, we need to be willing to face, feel, and get through discomfort.
I am not talking here about being addicted to misery and pain. I am not talking about creating unnecessary pain. I'm talking about the legitimate discomfort we sometimes need to feel as we heal.
When we have surgery, the pain hurts most the day after the operation. When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed.
Sometimes the process hurts. We are strong enough to survive discomfort and temporary feelings of emotional pain. Once we are willing to face and feel our discomfort and pain, we are almost to the point of release.
Today, I am willing to face my discomfort, trusting that healing and release are on the other side. Help me, God; be open to feeling whatever I need to feel to be healed and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust I am cared for and protected by my friends, my Higher Power, the Universe, and myself.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
When I was doing my first set of 12-Steps almost 14 years ago. I did them HONESTLY. That meant that I was opening up things and bringing up past memories that I had stuffed so far down inside I didn't ever want to retrieve them again.
My Sponsor at that time understood that I was having seizures, I was physically ill from other health reasons, plus withdrawals, I was crying, taking baths, lighting candles, walking, and calling her everyday sometimes 5 or 6 times a day just to get through a day without a drink, drug or cigarette. Plus all the pain that was coming up wasn't easy to deal with. She was cute the way she described what was happening to me on my 4th step.
I describe it to others, sponsees, sponsors, friends, whomever like she did. I was an onion "she said," and in order to get well, I had to peel off all the layers to get to the middle. A little at a time. The A.A. homegroup I was in were very suppotive and said "YES" you are right where you are supposed to be. I certainly didn't see anyone else like me or even care to be.
How in the heck did they know where I was when I was on Step 4 and a crying mess. SOme people don't react the way I did. However some people don't have the same story. Mine is filled with childhood abuse, rapes, and things allot of alcoholics didn't go through. Then again some did!
My story is unique, painful, aand I wanted to be finished before I began. No one likes pain! No one! Especially bringing it back up but I am certainly glad that I did and I am certainly glad it is over. I have seen many people come and go through A.A. and relapse, my thought is that they didn't write out there 4th, 8th and 9th completely. SHirking it and the seriosness of OUR PART in ALL Situations where there was drinking involved.
Well I am so happy that I am well enough to say that over. I have since done the steps around people. Only 3 people! It was nothing like the first time and I wasn't drinking. This is over my behavior. Getting healed that is a "BLESSING" "Progress not perfection"
