Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job -- wife or no wife -- we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98
Before coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: "She said . . . , " "He said . . . ," "I got fired yesterday," "I got a great job today." No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today?
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How profound! "dependence upon others" - that's exactly what I did. I was feeling so lost and alone, I took the hand of the first person who reached out theirs to me! I knew she still drank. I knew she would want to 'get a drink', I knew I wouldn't be able to resist drinking myself, yet, 'the mall' and not seeing her in so long, was my excuse and justification for telling her to come on over! I had it in my little screwed up head that I was going to save her! Tell her I'm in AA. Invite her to a meeting.................Amazing how it went in the complete opposite direction! ...... I put something and someone else ahead of my sobriety on Saturday.........So, today is day 2! and I'm on Step 2! Onward and upward! ~ Jen
-- Edited by Doll at 06:15, 2007-09-25
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Nice! Jen I had a friend like that. For two years, about every 2 months I would get flustered about something and go over to Ronnie's house and relapse. Fortunately for me and very unfortunately for him, Ronnie OD's and died on April 29th, 1989 closing that relapse door for me. I drank two more times between then and My sobriety date 3 months later, but each time I felt that I was disrespecting Ronnie's death. I wish the best for your friend, but for all practical purposes that relationship needs to die for a while. The two of you can't do any good for each other. She might not have drank and risked her life driving that day! It is very common (and poor practice) for an alcoholic to go it alone on a "12th step" call and wind up drinking with the subject. Those missions are best left to two AA's with strong programs. Hang out with folks that are serious about their recovery, "stick with the winners".
First things first. I have to remember that my soberity is absolutely the very first thing for me. Above all else, including my wife and family. For me to be the best spouse, father, and friend I can be, I must be first. For if I were to compromise myself and my soberity for others - be it for person or thing - I will surely fail on all levels.
My life is a constant challenge. At times it seems that I'm pulled on all sides. The excuses and temptations sometimes are so great, that I fear my own distruction. And many times it's so easy to not think about it that I find myself where I was before.
If I can take a step back and remember what I was like and I what I need to do now, the answer is so very clear. But sometimes, when faced with diversity, that step is the most difficult thing for me to do.
