As most of you know, after a very LTR, John and I parted 2 weeks ago...I've discovered I have NO friends and nothing to do....I go to work and come home. My phone doesn't ring. I don't even have anyone to call (unless it's AA related). I'm feeling pretty pathetic right now - UGH! Mostly because I've come to realize I wrapped my life around his (sttttuuuupppppidddd)........ There's this woman at my job, who works in another dept so I don't really know her, but a few times over the last month or so we've had short conversations about this and that. I really liked talking to her. so.......It crossed my mind last week to ask her if she'd maybe like to hang out sometime, have coffee or what-not. Then I didn't see her all week.....Yesterday, I was outside, there was a guy out there with me who I talk to quite a bit and we saw her heading towards the door. Before she got outside this guy said "oh there's an AA member waiting to happen" (this guy doesn't know I'm recovering) so I asked why he'd say that. His response was she has be seen at the local bar way too intoxicated and hanging all over men......Now....I'm wondering if this is true...all the questions now in my mind...Of course the obvious one of has God put me in this woman's life to 12 Step. Is this guy telling the truth or repeating rumors -there are plenty out there who drink, then do things, but that doesn't make them an alcoholic....I'm now re-thinking approaching this woman. I, right now, can not handle being around alcohol and since I dont' really know this woman, don't want to tell her I'm recovering....etc...I know I can suggest coffee, or dinner somewhere alcohol is not served, etc. But, now I'm having reservations as to whether even approach this proverbial friendship at all.....I'm not in a very good place right now, but also know, I need a friend......AA women here are NOT the friend types. Atleast not the one's I've encounterd so far.....Am I projecting too much...My head is spinning right this moment.........and need your ES&H.
Thanks for letting me share........Love you all.
-- Edited by Doll at 08:50, 2007-09-16
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
At times you feel so lost, so alone, You don't have no one to call your own You feel like your walking as one You don't have that hand to hold, that special someone Your feeling lost and don't know where to turn For deep within your heart the loss will forver burn.
When your feeling lost, you don't feel right, you feel out of place Where you reach into the deepest part of you, take the memories out, for they can't replace, your feelings in your heart, even though it's torn apart Your broken heart will mend once more Where you won't feel so lost as before.
There's no worse feeling then when you are feeling lost You know the price you've payed the cost Feeling lost, feeling alone, feeling so out of place You want to reach out to someone but don't know how to chase, away the dreams, desires that are in your mind you see For when your feeling lost just take out those dreams and know that they are your destiny. --------- author unknown
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Life really sucks at times doesn't it, Jen?!! What you are feeling is pretty much the way I'd felt when AH upped and moved out. Went a couple of times with a gf and her boyfriend.....ended up with 2 lovely hangovers respectively.......and didn't care for what I did see "out in the world". Decided that it was not just time. Besides alcohol was the main issue in my marriage so what the hey was I trying to prove anyway by the drinking?! Ugh! Simply put as it is said "HP will provide in HIS time......" No you certainly don't want to go where alcohol is prevalent......you have fought sooo hard and long to come down a better path. Handing this to HP and taking a "wait" attitude may be what is best for you. You can always tell this woman if she returns the call and suggests bars, taverns, ect that for health issues you do not drink. No more details are necessary and you are not lying either. I know you are hurting tremendously and it is cliche to say "in time things will get better" There is no easy way through and it is "one day at a time". As for me.......I too have learned who my best friends are.......and it boils down to only ONE. The Man Up Above. It is sort of an unspoken theory that suffering draws us closer to God. We tend to pray suddenly wanting immediate answers during these times. Simply put though you may want to dive in socially.....may be He is holding you back for some unknown reasons. Sure does give one a headache trying to figure it all out. LOL You are a strong person and I'm betting peace will return to your heart......in time. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers, Wanda
Have come up against....a Biggy on this end....which I hafta to accept...
Plus a lady friend that.....isnt there any more...due to this alky...being TOO honest...
All we have is today....
Hafta turn it all around and be grateful for where we are at....
Each and every one of us, has been living on borrowed time....due to alcoholism...
Youre a tough cookie...dont crumble..:)
I think Ill take a few hours and go down by a big waterfall...and just enjoy the peace and serenity...that Mother Nature has to offer...and have another smoke..:)
Sending love to yu...
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this right now. You're a good person and deserve a wonderful life.
I know, for me, I would have to stay away from alcohol when I was feeling as you are. And, Jen, you have come so far and done so well to let anything interfere with your sobriety. You have a special gift in your sobriety and it's too precious to waste.
This time will pass and you will feel so much stronger. That's a promise!
Take very good care of yourself, won't you?
(((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
you are not pathetic!.................new stuff will come your way, dont forget that your higher power is well aware of what you are feeling right now and solutions are being made, it WILL come.....love and prayers to you my friend.
Hi Jen, I know exactly how you feel. I have alot of friends, but as I started drinking more I isolated from them b/c I wanted to drink and didnt have time for them. They are still my friends and I avoided them b/c I didnt want them to know Im in AA. Funny, I dont want them to know that I am until I have perfected it, which I never will. Anyways, its weird. All the gals I have met have been in the program for a little while. They have their good buddies who they hug and go out and do things with all the time> I get jealous in a way because I want to be a part of their group....But I am learning,,,, let them know you want to be a part of the group...tell them to call you for dinner before a meeting, visiting a shut in, or having ice cream or coffee after a meeting. They are all doing it and Im waiting for an invitation>>>> They are waiting for us to ask!!! Which sucks, b/c I have always just been in the mix of it all and never had to ASK for an INVITE!!!! I still feel lonely and sad alot of times but if we would just open our mouths and say "I NEED U" they are so eager to pull us into their fold. Dont you think they were in the same spot as us, now look at them!! New friends who understand them and accept them as they are? I am still laughing that I am giving advise, but I am certainly learning that they need us as much as we need them!!! God, bless!! Oh, and pray for me tomorrow b/c the "b"----sorry, but true--- that I work w/ is out to get me...a very long story but if you see this before 8:00am , pray for Kim. (I;d like to say, pray for me but were not supposed to pray for ourselves) I'll fill u in later...Lots of joy!!!Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
There isn't a person who hasn't felt this way at one time or another. I don't like to rush to be anyone's friend. Friends happen. One person once told me that we have a lot of "pals", but true friends are earned. I've always been kind of a loner with not many pals or friends to speak of. I can count all my friends on one hand. My wife, though we're having problems, is my best friend.
Anyways, It'll get better. Give yourself some time. Someday you'll be talking and laughing with some folks and then you'll realize that they're your friends (or at least pals).
this is normal stuff realizing that you have to "get a life" now that your future has become your past. I got separated in very early sobriety and was in the same position you are. I quickly realized that I had to get busy. Fill in my time with routines besides meetings, like going to the gym (which you're doing) but also with a lot of what I called "dumb stuff" like playing tennis, going out to the movies, going bowling (learning how to bowl without drinking), riding a bike in the park.... whatever maybe get a cat. chances are you live in an area with tourist stuff that you're never done, go do it. Plan a vacation to go see some old friends, And yes you need to make some new friends. Just stay busy amusing yourself, eventually you will learn to like living by yourself and that is key to having good relationships, in the future, that aren't built on need.
