It's been a week since I received that cowardly email from him......I've cried over it, I wanted to drink over it, I got really pissed off over it...Then I turned my attention back to me. I signed up for a Yoga class, I've been to the gym 4 times this past week. I pulled out my guitar, which was coverd in about 3 yrs of dust.....I started cleaning the house out. I'm getting ready to move and figured I best get started packeing....He and I had been together so long, I couldnt' decide what was his and what was mine. So, I went thru the laundry over the weekend, washed up his stuff, packed up "his drawer" razor, toothbrush (after I used it to clean the toilet - not really but I thought about it), sorted CD's, DVD's & books and put them in a box in the closet.... I got up to an email this morning (he's on night shift this week) , "I'll leave the door unlocked if you want to come out and get your stuff today, we need to talk, if you're ready to talk to me." My first thought was "wow! I was thinking I need to get my junk so it can be packed too & I can stop thinking about my things at his house"....... I got there around 3pm, he was just getting up, and it was awkward for both of us, for a moment. He kissed me on the forehead, took my by the hand, and led me out the swing in his yard he put up just for me a few years ago. We both cried. We got a lot of things out in the open that was long overdue. I really realized he was right. It is time for us to really end. He told me he loved me as much as he could, if he could control his heart he would have fallen in love with me years ago. He told me how strong I am, and how proud he is of me for having the courage to change what I can. He told me he sent the email because he was afraid, afraid of me crying, afraid he couldn't go thru with it if he did it f2f (we've done that a few times over the years and ended up not breaking up)... And then he pulled a silver medallioin from his pocket. On the front it had a heart and a butterfly with my name running thru them, the back is the serenity prayer, he put it in my hand and said, "never give up and please never go back".......I cried all the way home, and I know it will take some time, but he did the right thing. He told me, he should have let me go when I wanted to end things a short time back, but he couldn't. He wasn't ready......What a man! .... While I sit here and type this, the tears stream down my face and I'm asking God, when the time is right and you send the man I'm to spend my life with, please, please, let him have a heart, be kind and gentle, and have as much integrity as my John has.......without him, I would have never made it to AA....God really does put people in our lives for a reason, a season and a lifetime.......Hugs and love to you all for holding my hand thru this and for letting me share this with all of you...and for giving me the courage to change what I can.
-- Edited by Doll at 21:14, 2007-09-10
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Im glad your ok thru all of this!! You were so strong and brave and I admire that thru it all you didnt pick up!! Hooray for you!! Your my hero today!! You will find that special someone and he will have all those qualities you seek!! Mainly b/c your taking care of you and loving you for you!! Dang, I almost sound like I know what Im talking about!! HeeHee! Truly, best of luck to you!! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I can't say much to take away the feelings you are having. Will say a prayer(s) that God will hold you close. You are an inspiration!!!!! Hugs and Love, Wanda PS Prayers are always heard and answered. From your lips to His ears.......
I hate to think of you sitting there and crying. Just take good care of yourself, OK?
God brought John to you when you needed him and He will send somebody else when the time is right. I'm sure of that.
But, you haven't drank through this painful time and you should take strength from that. You have been an inspiration to this alcoholic with your strength. Thank you for that.
Take care,
(((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
while i was reading what you have experienced today remimded me of a time when things were really tough for me, and the pain i was feeling was at that point in time totally unbearable. I thought this will surly bring me undone...and yet i am here to tell the story...
Attending a meeting i heard someone say from the floor that 'the power he believed in never gave him more than he could handle'.... I realised that as long as i hung in there and didn't drink that i could handle whatever was given to me....what i needed to do was to believe that i would only be given what i could handle...no more and no less just the right amount... and that people would be placed in my path to help me through my tough times.
Wow, I had reach for the tissues on that one. better than a movie. glad that there was resolution for both of you. don't look back, HP has something new in mind for you!
Hang in there, Jen. Have you sat back and looked at how healthy your perspective is during all this? I sure can see it. With all this going on, first you didn't pick up. And during all this you kept the faith that when someone does come into your life, it will be someone who deserves it, someone who will be good to you. I know for me that for so many years I didn't feel like I deserved "good" people in my life. Like, I would taint them if they stuck around. So I chased off the good men and hung with the schmucks. It took a long time for me to recognize that I did indeed deserve good healthy people into my intimate world. I'm so glad to see that you already know this, and doubly glad to see that you two had a chance to talk about the reasons this needed to happen. Good resolution. Look forward, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
- not really but I thought about it), sorted CD's, DVD's & books and put them in a box in the closet.... I got up to an email this morning (he's on night shift this week) , "I'll leave the door unlocked if you want to come out and get your stuff today, we need to talk, if you're ready to talk to me." My first thought was "wow! I was thinking I need to get my junk so it can be packed too & I can stop thinking about my things at his house"....... I got there around 3pm, he was just getting up, and it was awkward for both of us, for a moment. He kissed me on the forehead, took my by the hand, and led me out the swing in his yard he put up just for me a few years ago. We both cried. We got a lot of things out in the open that was long overdue. I really realized he was right. It is time for us to really end. He told me he loved me as much as he could, if he could control his heart he would have fallen in love with me years ago. He told me how strong I am, and how proud he is of me for having the courage to change what I can. He told me he sent the email because he was afraid, afraid of me crying, afraid he couldn't go thru with it if he did it f2f (we've done that a few times over the years and ended up not breaking up)... And then he pulled a silver medallioin from his pocket. On the front it had a heart and a butterfly with my name running thru them, the back is the serenity prayer, he put it in my hand and said, "never give up and please never go back".......I cried all the way home, and I know it will take some time, but he did the right thing. He told me, he should have let me go when I wanted to end things a short time back, but he couldn't. He wasn't ready......What a man! .... While I sit here and type this, the tears stream down my face and I'm asking God, when the time is right and you send the man I'm to spend my life with, please, please, let him have a heart, be kind and gentle, and have as much integrity as my John has.......without him, I would have never made it to AA....God really does put people in our lives for a reason, a season and a lifetime.......Hugs and love to you all for holding my hand thru this and for letting me share this with all of you...and for giving me the courage to change what I can.