Pray for your HP to remove your feelings of remorse so you can be the best mother you can be. How can you be helpfull? Be strong, and let your children see how good life can be when you live on a spiritual plane. Work your program harder than ever before, and let your family see it working.
P.S. On a "personal opinion" note, I think it's good that she is facing consequeses for her innapropriate behavior.
Thanks for posting, good luck.

Lani,
As Carol has said don't be so hard on yourself. All the blame in the world will not take
away what has happened. Also, while we are responsible to a point for our children, at the
ages of your's they are making some of their own choices whether we favor them or not.
You are setting the best example by working the program. Taking care of yourself and
staying sober. I had to "let go" and give some "space" to my children when I learned of
their drinking. I could blame theorize ect. it made no difference..... All the grounding in
the world would not make them stop. Only one.....my youngest......got caught not once
but twice at 17 and 18. The first she was simply brought home with a "verbal warning" and
a ride in the cop car. The second time, however, there was a fine with a year of probation.
She behaved....for the duration of the probation.....and then reentered "that" world. I had
to let her go.....for both of our sakes..... She is now a mother, of which, she herself was
probably the result of being under the influence.
The thing that was so unsettling about it all......the 2nd cop said not once but THREE times
"don't be mad or angry at her. Remember we were young once." The 3rd time he stated
this, I looked the ole boy in the eye and said, "You know that IS true, YET......SOME OF US
GREW UP!!!!" (Note: the man and his wife were close friends of ours and yes we all ran around and went through some days of drinking. I know for a fact that his drinking resulted
in his wife packing and leaving for a time. Rumor has it that he also had gotten a DUI. I
kept my composure, though my heart realy wanted to throddle the man. LOL) Then we
went to court where sentenced was passed. It was asked when the judge said, "You, cannot
be around any persons or places where there is alcohol" .....if this included seeing her father.
He is an alcoholic who lives in and runs a tavern now. The judge very clearly stated, "NO
PERSON, NO PLACE and yes that would include her father and his tavern." We went to the
probation office where it had been stated earlier that she would undergo counseling. I was
not allowed in the room!!! The officer told her that she could see her dad! (Again those
feelings of wanting to throddle someone cropped up inside.) I have no idea what else was
said but I can tell you, that was the one and only time she saw ANYONE from probation.
Thus the end result.......she went at it again and pushed the limit...... It took enormous
patience during that period........ I quit bitching about it all.......and as time has went we
have grown closer. She does not drink on the level as she once did. Will she ever? I hope
not.
You may also want to consider at this stage joint family counseling. Where everyone
concerned can lay their cards out on the table and be advised on how best to handle/
prevent these situations.
Patience and love is the key........ There is so much pressure on the kids to excell,
do good and be somebody they don't know where to turn at times. Although we love them
and they more than likely love us too, at times the last person to share those feelings with
are those closest to one.
Be strong, stay sober, take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers......
ALL of you. Wanda

Hi Lani,
Tell yourself "this too shall pass" followed by the serenity prayer everytime that you start felling bad about this. And whatever you do, don't wallow in it. The only thing that is sad,sad, sad is feeling Sad! You can't control your daughter 24/7 so you'll need to "turn her over" to you Higher Power each time she walks out the door. Get used to it, in a couple years she may do it for the last time (moving out on her own). Time to start teaching her to how to "be her own parent" because your retirement is near.

I was most concerned with this part of your message

"I hate to admit it, but I still want to drink. Sick..... Maybe God has brought this to us to make me really see that this is a family desease. Its not all about me!!!"

You see, it really is all about you. You are the only one that you have any control over. It's very easy to focus on your daughter. She's gonna be just fine btw. As far as wanting to drink, I was very fortunate, in my first month, to hear a couple of people at speakers meeting say, "I prayed to my higher power everyday to have the obsession to drink removed and it was removed".

I was dying, every hour of every day I thought about having a drink. It was painful. So when I heard about praying to have the obsession removed, I said
"what a deal!" So I did start praying and I didn't miss many days, then around 6 months sober (after I had finished my 4th and 5th steps) I realized for the first time a couple days went by and I didn't think about having a drink. It's been 18 years now and if that was the only thing that my HP did for me, I'd be eternally grateful.

Please focus on your sobriety, the rest will take care of itself.


-- Edited by StPeteDean at 22:49, 2007-09-09

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 10:24, 2007-09-10