It's been a long stressful week... staying at my dad's lasted all of 2 nights. I stayed at my mom's for one night, she insisted I get a crate for my dog to sleep in the house, and I could only stay one night and that's it. Was going to take off to my aunt's actually yesterday or today, but my sister said I can stay with her for a few days to a week, so I've got a little time at least...
I am looking for work and a place to live, my aunt might be able to help me find something in Arkansas... I could possibly find something around here, but I HATE Memphis, and I want to be close to family, but this is too close for comfort lol
Took my dog to the vet yesterday, got her shots and all that, and the vet gave me tranquilizers for her anxiety... said it shouldn't knock her out, but it would calm her down if I have to leave her. haven't tried it yet, have just been taking her everywhere with me, which isn't too bad, I will work on more behavioral training and use the meds if I have to once we're a little more settled... it's pointless to do much training while we're still moving around... we went to starbucks tonight to see my first sponsor at work... she had told me my dog could be on the patio with me. Got to a meeting tonight, picked up my 4 month chip... one guy in there said I could bring my dog in if I wanted, but we asked the other few people there and one guy was uncomfortable with dogs, but it was late and cool enough outside, she was fine in my car during the meeting.
Everyone thinks I'm insane... someone in a chat room I go to was giving me crap about how I am with my dog, she said something to me about how I'm talking like this is my kid... well, she is my "kid" lol I'm fairly sure I'm not able to have kids - haven't had tests done, but my dr agreed it's not likely I can get pregnant - animals are my kids, and probably always will be. Yes, I treat her like she is my child to some extent, some people understand that, some don't... but my dog has been through a lot in her short life... abuse from my ex the first year of her life, then the moving and adjustments this year... I'd expect her to be upset and have this anxiety, and I'll pamper her a bit for now. She's also seen me so stressed out lately since we've been in town, and that worries her. It's like she remembers my drinking, she gets really worried when I get upset or stressed out, like she knows what it can lead to. (Ok now you all really think I'm insane lol). My first sponsor said she's my little "ala-dog" lol
Anyway, I'm rambling... but wanted y'all to know I'm ok, well, relatively ok, just a bit stressed but still sober at least... I'll let y'all know if I wind up on the road again soon...
People who don't get it probably wont get it. Nothing wrong whatsoever with caring about your dog. I had a Saint Bernard German Shepard named "Baloo" who was the first dog I got as an adult living on my own. He was the best and went everywhere with me. That dog had more personality than most people I meet. He never let me down, always accepted me as I was, licked my face when I was distraught and generally was a no strings attached buddy 24/7. He eventually got cancer and for the last year or so of his life (after the doc told me he had cancer and didn't have long) he got a whopper Junior with cheese pretty much every day. When I had him put down it took a lot out of me, and it took me months to get past the loss of him.
Lisa, It is good to here from you. This period, yes, maybe stressfull, however, you are doing what you need to do.......going to meetings, hooking up with those who understand better how to support your sobriety, ect. As for your dog....... caring for animals seems to be one of your natural (God given, if you will....) talents. Whoever that person was for putting you down...... animals have very often "played" important roles in humans lives......this goes on everyday. Many blind people are able to function much better, people have been alerted to dangers and averted being harmed. The lists goes on. "Natty" often hears vehicles drive in my lane and goes running to the back door "alerting" me. Since I live in the country, skunks and other critters are common. They get too close to the house and, once again, Natty is up and "alerting". Though I wasn't thrilled about my daughter leaving her behind......I've gotten attached to her. She is always there waiting when I come through the door at night to greet me. Sort of nice. Don't think you're insane for the care of your pet. Hang in there.... and take care of yourself. Wanda
Thanks y'all... I've been having talks with my dog about us having another trip to make soon... so she's not very happy with me right now lol Poor thing is kinda depressed, uncertain of what is going on. She understands she is not allowed to do as she pleases inside at my sister's, she stays outside quite a bit, and when she comes in she goes straight to her crate in my room. I leave it open for her, but it is her "spot" and she knows it.
I was up most the night, looking for work and a place to live, down here in the south... not having much luck (although yes I've been a little picky lol). Part of the problem is Katrina led many people to move up here to major cities and surrounding areas, many did not move back to the gulf area... cheap housing is impossible to find... when I looked a couple of years ago, I found plenty of trailers for rent on land, for my exhusband and I to move into, but he was "above" living in a trailer and wouldn't do it... it was stuff I could afford on my own, but there's nothing to be found like that now, not that cheap anyway.
I'm debating on making another long move... I'm really tempted although it sounds insane lol Actually, while nothing is keeping me in one particular place, I am excited about the possibilities ahead of me, the chance to try out new areas, new places to live... it is not a geographical cure type thing, just trying to look at this as a great opportunity... I've always wanted to travel, see different areas of the country... find some place *away* from the south that I would like to eventually settle... and now I have the chance to do that :)
I have a friend from the chatroom I go to in northern california, near Redding... has a cottage for rent, on 6 acres, has chicken coops... $400/month... in a small town area... would be wonderful. I've been up north of San Fran before, it's so beautiful the further north you go... the idea of living out there is awesome... of course they do have the fires going on and stuff, which (I don't know much about it) sounds like it's a regular thing in that area... I'd love to give it a try though... have actually been job hunting in that area now, but also not with much luck, from what I've read, jobs are hard to find there... if nothing else Petco is hiring in that area though lol I could afford the cottage with working part time, I could work full time if I needed to, but starting out and getting adjusted, if I can start part time and make it, then I will.
So yes, my insanity might lead me 34 hours away from here... lol We'll see... maybe it's a God thing though? that this popped up, the friend with the cottage? who knows... it's something that would definitely be feasible for me, and would be in exactly the type of place my dog and I would love... we'll see if it works out I guess... if it was meant to be... it will be...
What's the name of the town near Redding? Those were my old stompin' grounds back in the seventies--the whole Shasta and Butte County thing. It really is lovely there. And oh, so nice and warm......Areas around Corning, etc. are heavy agricultural spots, and albeit damned hard work, they really need help on the farms down there. And hey! You'd be like, eight-nine hours from here! Straight down I-5. Pray, listen to God's guidance. Yeah, you are at an age where the whole world is in front of you, just waiting to be discovered. Grab that journey!!!!! love chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Hey Chris, It's in Trinity County... he told me the name of the town but I can't remember now lol I'm thinkin near Weaverville? I need to catch him online again... cuz I haven't gotten his email address yet, I don't know if he realizes I'm seriously thinking about it yet lol I don't know him real well, but some good friends of mine know him better and said he's safe, and it'd be ok moving there.... so... we'll see...
That'd be so cool to be that close to you!
I'm thinking when I leave my sister's middle of this week, I'll head to Arkansas and see the family there... I could stay there a couple of weeks probably, hopefully by then I will have found something.... and if not... I thought it'd be cool to just start heading west, I could camp along the way, much cheaper than motel rooms... with the divorce being final in a few days I'll have money for the trip... although my ex said something about making payments, which wasn't in the agreement... not sure if I can insist on the full amount (especially since it's not even all that much, less than $1000)...
Yu got guts...and if you put sobriety and a bit of faith with that...youre a winner...
Some of us have come up against walls...and went through failures...and just give up..its safer that way...
Then there are some of us that...no matter how dark the tunnels...or how many bruises we get......we take risks..we put one foot in front of the other.....and keep on truckin...
Keep on truckin!!
The ride might be a bitch some days...so hang on!! :)
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
lol thanks Phil :) A friend of mine said I'm "definitely a free spirit" lol I'm not a quitter, I have been in the past... but finally realized ya gotta just keep pluggin along... and things will work out one way or another... God will do His part, but ya gotta do yours too... well, maybe there's a little self-will here? doing things how I want? but it's an opportunity I'm dying to try out... if it's not in God's plan, then I guess something else will come up...
The more I think about all this, the more excited I get, it will be such an awesome experience! One of my friends said to look up backpacker's accommodation's, he said they have them where he's at (NZ) and a lot in Europe, I'm sure we have them here... would help a lot with the trip, I'm gonna look it up.
My parents will totally flip out over this... lol but they've finally accepted that I'm an "adult" and they can't tell me what to do... they let me do my own thing and figure it out myself (finally lol)... I will at least have internet for the whole trip as long as my cell phone has service (I got the internet plan added on)... I don't worry a whole lot about safety... because staying in state parks, there will be security at least... I don't know about the cheaper campgrounds... I'll have to look it all up, plan it out... my dog will also be some protection (I hope lol) but with her being so upset lately, she isn't quite as protective as she used to be on the farm... but I think if someone tried to hurt me, she'd jump in the middle of it...
I can't wait to get as far as Petit Jean Arkansas though, it's not far from Little Rock, it's where my family camps every year, my dog will love it, thinking I'd like to stay there a couple of nights, do some hiking with my dog... she'll at least have plenty of exercise along the way if we camp... Then head west... :)
Not saying anything to any family yet... I did tell my sister I'm considering the place in CA, she totally understands, she wants to get away from the south too... but I figured I wouldn't tell anyone about camping along the way... not yet anyway lol
