How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.
Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.
It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.
It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.
It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.
Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering. Our pain will not stop when a rescuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.
Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have "harmed" other people. What kinds of "harm" do people do one another, anyway? To define the word "harm" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS , p. 80
I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, "I really haven't harmed many people, mostly myself." But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from you - it was that simple. People hadn't done what I wanted them to do and intimate relationships were out of hand because of my partners unreasonable demands. Were these "sins of omission"? Because of my drinking, I had "dropped out" - never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships.
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
