I have an issue that I would like some feedback on please. I am 15 months sober and have recently met someone in the program who shares some of the same interests as me. I have dropped all of my using friends and have found it hard to find others in the program who like to do what I do. The problem is he makes poor decisions and has encouraged me to do the same. My G/F doesn't like him, she says hanging around with him is slippery and it upsets her and causes her stress which she doesn't need right now at all. I don't want to upset her and stress her out and I agree that he doesn't make the best decisions. I don't spend alot of time with him but he does call a couple times a week and we do go and hit balls once a week or so. She feels it best if I distance myself from him but I feel that isn't the aa way, that we're supposed to be there when other a's reach out. What do you people think? advice is greatly appreciated.
I won't give you any advice. I will leave you with somethings to think about. I haven't picked up a drink for 13 plus years, I married a man that isn't in Recovery but he is Clean and Sober. I am married because that is the right thing to do, I have made all the mistakes and carried all the DARKNESS I can handle in a lifetime.
My Sponsor at that time said not to become involved in a relationship for at least one year. I didn't listen to her. I regret that sometimes because she was right in some areas. But I am Thankful that I went ahead with my plans and I am Happily married to Jon. We accepted The LORd together, were baptized together, and we attend Church together.
But, he stopped drinking when I was 10 months Sober. I was working my program with a Sponsor. The reason he quit was respect for me and what I was doing, plus he couldn't date me unless he did it. RESPECT!!!!
I had learned that you stay away from Slippery people, places and things. That goes for people in Recovery too! You can find too many people not working the Program in a 12-step meeting, they are just there to get there paper signed for the judge. I know because I have been a secretary.
You know how you feel and what you want. You also know that GOd will help you if you PRAY to him for GUIDANCE. No one can give this answer to you because either answer someone is going to have hurt feelings unless everyone can get along. Sharing you sounds like a good option if everyones SOBER.
In my opinion you know what you should do. You are the only one that can decide that. If you feel that he might jeapordize your sobriety then that is something you need to think long and hard about. I would just hate for you to either be in the wrong spot at the wrong time if he did something that you could possibly get into trouble for! You stated "The problem is he makes poor decisions and has encouraged me to do the same." Again, in my opinion out of respect that is something he should not do... AA or elsewhere. Maybe you can stick to talking to him on the phone and not hanging out with him unless he changes his act. That way you are still there if he needs you but you are not putting yourself at risk. This is something you need to weigh out and decide. Obviously we do not know the whole story so it is tough to give our opinions on it... sorry but that is all I got!!
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"Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't"
"The problem is he makes poor decisions and has encouraged me to do the same."
Game, set, match. If he's doing things that you consider wrong then it would be a good idea to stay away. If you know these are "poor decisions", then you are selling yourself short by being a part of this poor decision making process. I'd suggest talking to him about these decisions. If that doesn't dissuade him, make a run for it. Get away. Your sobriety is too precious to mess with. You are better than that. Have a good day, stay sober, and peace. Mike
She feels it best if I distance myself from him but I feel that isn't the aa way, that we're supposed to be there when other a's reach out. What do you people think? advice is greatly appreciated.
"Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that, I am responsible." That applies to someone asking for help to stop drinking not to someone asking for a date.
