He called on Thursday to ask me about a cell phone feature! He called me again 3hours later to say, "what did you tell me I needed to do".
I sent him an email today telling him I'll bring the shitty kittty back on Tuesday and pick up my truck - he's on 12 hour night shift till tues morning - His reply " I won't see you before Tuesday. OMG I miss you so much"
This is where the trigger lies! He knows this! Why would he keep on? He agreed this is not what i need..........this is not what want.....He said it time and time again "I do not love you"....... why won't he let me get on with my life?
es&h needed, pleae reply quickly!
-- Edited by Doll at 16:55, 2007-06-30
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I recall, I once asked this same question over and over Again......
maybe because he "CAN"
Maybe he feels he is losing "Control" of you...You are moving away from him, and he doesn't like it.
I had someone who wanted no emotional shit whatsoever and he kept messing with my head....when i finally started to detach, he came right back at me....
Why??????
Only "YOU" can stop him f'ing with your head.... Think God, Think Help, Think "Stop"...
You are on the end of al anon - I am the alcoholic! HE is not an alkie or a druggie. He's a good man. He's never tried to control me!He's always lifted me up and told me I can accomplish anything I want.....Am I looking for someone to co-sign my own bullshit? cause I really think this man loves me! He's just afraid!
-- Edited by Doll at 19:01, 2007-06-30
-- Edited by Phil at 21:58, 2007-06-30
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I've not been in a situation like this, but you are a strong person and your sobriety is the most precious thing that you have. Please don't let anyone eff about with it.
I have no answers or advice that I can give you. But, I'm sending you love and letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and you will get through this.
Take the best care of yourself that you can.
(((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks carol. I'm so confused right now.........He says one thing, then does another! I've told him in jest once "I'm your drug of choice".....He didn't disagree......... Do I want a healthy relationshp or do I want to be married! Im now 2nd guessing myself!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I was once given a piece of advice by a very wise lady. I didn't know whether to pursue a love or not. She told me to follow my heart. I did and sixteen years later we are still together.
I know that you'll be true to yourself and make the right decision. Meanwhile, you're very much in my thoughts.
Take care & (((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I was once given a piece of advice by a very wise lady. I didn't know whether to pursue a love or not. She told me to follow my heart. I did and sixteen years later we are still together.
I know that you'll be true to yourself and make the right decision. Meanwhile, you're very much in my thoughts.
Take care & (((Hugs)))
Carol
OMG! Carol! Thank you. So much! God bless you........
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
. I was asked, " do you want a healthy realtionship or do do you want to be married? My first response was 'both".....Now.......I'm not so sure....It's been 7 days out of 6 yrs (come Aug 2. 2007) and I miss him soooooooooooooo much! ..guys, I think, I'm willing to opt for the healthy realtionship! And it has been...... He suports my recovery. He looks after me. He loves me in his own way....that's OK, right?
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I believe actions speak louder than words. Someone can say " I love you" til the cows come home and it doesnt mean a thing. Some people may just not know the right way to say it. So they show it. Ron isn't big on romantic words, and that bothered me for a long time. I began watching, and realized he expresses his feelings for me with beautiful acts of love, which mean far more to me than the words I'd heard off and on for years and never amounted to anything more than just the words...
Carol is so right. Listening to what your heart is telling you is far more important that 4 letters in the english dictionary. He's offering you himself, and what greater gift is that? hugs, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Doll, If he is a good man as you say, (and he is seeing no one else) then .......follow your heart. He's seems from your posts very supportive of your sobriety, that is in his favor. LOL My sister has been engaged to the same man for .......probably 10+ yrs. and dated him for about 4-6 before. They seem to get along fine. I just don't know what to say. I know in my own marriage alcohol was the PROBLEM. I've learned to accept that I could not stop his mania in the disease, the adultery, ect. We are still married though live a part. I'm a lifer as far as that goes, however, I will NOT participate any longer in his disease. I guess ultimately......ask your HP...... Thinking of you with love and prayers, Wanda
Wanda, he is a good man. And no, he sees no one but me, for 6 yrs now....he is supportive of my sobriety and very protective also........Phil, my friend, I have an idea.....love you all soooo friggin much........just got off the phone with him, he's comin over when he gets off work at 7 tomorrow morning........He'll be so tired after working 12 hours, but he'll talk to me, he'll hold me, he'll kiss me on the forehead and tell me how much he cares for me. He won't say "I love you" because he's not IN love with me and he knows this alkie gal well........Can I be happy with just this? I trust him with my life, why can't I trust him with my heart?
I just know, right now, I can't wait to see him and for the first time in a week since I gave him that ultimatum, I'm happy again........Maybe I don't need marriage? Maybe I need just what I have.....
-- Edited by Doll at 21:17, 2007-06-30
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Isnt it grand... We always get what we need... Sometimes we confuse that with what we "want"... and we end up dissapointed. It was hard for me at first to realize that I could be worth someone elses love. Took me a while to figure out that my higher power doesnt want me to walk around sad and confused all the time. That would be silly. He WANTS me to be happy, at peace... That way I can be more helpfull and usefull to others. Ive GOT to quit thinking about me me me and ask myself if I'm thinking about the other person. My job is to be the best person I can be. I gotta say... I came right out and told my ex after two years that I wanted to see her for reasons that might be selfish... and I see her more now than I have in those two years... Still dont know if we love each other or not, but it's OK. It's honest... It's fair... It's what we need... so it's good. I worried for weeks about it.. what would I say, how would I say what I meant. Would she get angry... or be hurt... I finnaly prayed for the courage to be honest. And instantly.... I had the awnser... funny, I had it all along. She wasnt messing with my sobriety at all. I was just thinking too much.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
