Hey all - sponsee came to me today with a situation regarding her sponsee. Seems her 2 years sober sponsee who is celebrating by speaking tonite has been continuing to steal $$ from people who care about her - she is a young one - 23 - she has been given guidance a few times regarding this defect of character and received direction she has chosen obviously to not follow - she has been honest with her sponsor yet her actions don't change - I would love to hear your two cents.
Hate is a strong emotion Doll however I do understand your sentiments exactly!!! Thanks. She has been busted, and owned up to her part with the person she stole from but what's to keep her from doing it again? Gotta hurt bad enough - jail - drink??? I just don't know. I do know my sponsee, her sponsor is not quite sure what to do here - anymore 2 cents regarding how to handle this?
I agree with Jen (Doll) that theft isn't a character defect, it's just wrong. The sponsee is young, but old enough to know right from wrong. If I were her sponsor I know that I couldn't handle that and I wouldn't. This is meant to be an honest program and theft isn't honest.
Unless she learns from this, she may carry on doing it again and again. Maybe a bit of tough talk is what she needs right now.
Please keep posting and stay around here, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi Kltjoy, One has to be honest in doing the program....that is truth. Has she been in the program a long time....more than say a few mos? I MAKE NO EXCUSES for her, however, for some breaking certain negative cycles can take several failures. It might be helpful....to MAKE CLEAR no "secrets" will be kept by her sponsor even tho a sponsor is a confidant/mentor. That in a case should she do it again she will be turned over to proper authorities. (Follow through as well should it happen.) Make her aware that no one will be her "accessory" or stand in the way of justice. I had to do this with one of my sons. He was into stealing road signs to decorate his room. Excuse me, Son, not in MY HOUSE! It started out with the street name signs, onto other bigger ones. The whole time (about 2weeks) I kept "mouthing pleas". When I came home and found a 4'x8' gate with a yellow "Road Closed" on it......I knew it was time to take action. When he arrived home......He was given 24hrs. to get rid of it all or I would call the authorities. He would not make me an accessory to his crap/crimes. The next eve. it was all gone.....and he moved out as well. It hurt, however, I was not about to follow him and beg him to come back. About a year ago, we were chatting about some of the kids he went to school with or that we knew. One imparticular, my son was calling various names because he hadn't held jobs, drank, drugged, and "was a theif" I could not pass up the opportunity....and reminded my son of his antics. "Geeze, I did that in HS. I don't do that shit anymore. That's something kids just do." To which I replied, "No you don't. Whether it's something kids do or not it is STILL WRONG!" He fired back, "You wouldv'e busted me if I hadn't removed them, huh?" "You're damned right I wouldv'e 'cause look where it's getting (name) right now and look where you are." He is very productive person both at his job and out. Very social conscious, as well. So, NO, don't hestitate in setting her straight and following through on ultimatums. Leave the choice to her. She may get mad and even take on another sponsor, may even quit the program. By making it her choice, alleviates her sponsor from being an accomplice. Even parents, yes, at times have to take "tough love" approaches. Wanda
Easy one for me to answer. My daughter began by stealing. Alot of money from her paternal grandmother, stuff here and there from others, shoplifting in a small town. Nobody ever held her accountable. Nobody ever called the police on her. "she's trying" over and over again. "She admitted it, so what can we do?". There was never any consequences to her wrong actions.
She is now in prison for murder. The first consequence she couldn't be shielded from.
This girl really should be held accountable. Believe me, you'd be doing her a favor in the long run. Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
hey Chris. I can sort of relate. My own son stole from ME!!!! My prayer for him, it doesn't get any worse.. that he wakes up before it's too late....my biggest fear, what your daughter now lives....I no longer allow him in the house alone. He has no key! I dont trust him and I do my best to detach......tough, ain't it?!
God bless you, my friend.........hugs
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
To Chris and Jen, Thank you both for your last to replies to this question. Life would be a breeze if our babes came with manuals ----like cars, huh? I do believe out of all the things I have done in my life raising kids was the most fearful, most demanding and surely the most challenging! Standing back and allowing them the consequences of their own mistakes is hard to do...... we want to protect them. There were times in my life when I fought against "house rules" with all strength not understanding what my own parents were doing/saying WAS for my own good. How I love and appreciate them now! Even some of those teachers were pains.... at the time. LOL I am sorry you both have had to endure what you are/have. I admire you both for the "share". And hope/pray for you boths and your children....... You are both an inspiration!! Wanda
