In reading the BIG book, I came across this sentance. "We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for).....Page 559.
This Is confusing me... As you know I have a Recovering A in my life.. Who's working the programme (?). We are being Intimate again. But when I asked him a few days ago..Are you okay with all of this. He replied "I felt weird this morning, but I'm okay now".. (this is a friendship thats has been going 20 years).(have been in a physical relationship on and off since october).
Gees-us....Is It ME.....Does he actually like me, does he fancy me. or Is It just the Idea of a longterm relationship that terrifies him.....???
I am on the bloody merry-go-round. When I think he doesn't want me, he always comes back, and he Is showing me actions, being really affectionate during intamacy....But his communication sucks big time...lol
I asked a member of his AA group, If he laughs at the meetings, he does laugh at funny things, but he's very serious....hmmmmm
He has always been very withdrawn In sobriety...I get him laughing on the odd ocassion...IS this just his personality.....???
Everyone tells me to get rid of him, but It Is very Difficult and confusing for me...I love this guy with all my heart...
Can someone who Is In Recovery have a relationship, when all their lives they have been hurt In previous ones...
Any Info guys..... "Desperate" for some understanding...
being really affectionate during intamacy....Everyone tells me to get rid of him, but It Is very Difficult and confusing for me...I love this guy with all my heart...
Most men (and some women) can have sex without emotion.
Sorry, hun, but I gotta agree with 'everyone' - get rid of him!
I would bet if you put all your energy into YOU for a while, you would find out what you think is love, really isn't and that you'll be just fine without him. You continue to question, when I think you know in your heart what the answer really is.....Stop fighting it and move on
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I've read and re-read your post and can't advise you or tell you what to do, i believe we learn best by experience. I did notice that this is becoming more consuming and alot about him, don't loose yourself in him or this. I agree alot with Doll, on the point that love may not be what we think it is or how we have come to understand it. I used to believe love was a game in which there could be a winner and a loser, i now see it as a team game same goal both winners, it is bloody hard work alot of the time ! My ego and suspicious nature gets in the way and even now when i get an apology i can see it as a triumph ( i'm a work in progress ) we are married with children. Ally if this is going to happen or meant to be can't it wait does it have to be now if you rush right in might this damage any future you may have together or apart
Well, 20 years is a long time! We know that this is not a one night stand, nor is it a fling you got into during your first year of recovery. This is a long term relationhips in some form. That he is really affectionate during sex is a special thing. You asked him how he felt,, and he did tell you,, in a man's way. Did you ask him to explain?
I think teens play games,, and maybe young adults,,, but I think mature people don't need to play games anymore. Instead of asking us the questions that we cannot answer,, why not be honest and direct with him? Effective communication is said to be the one most important thing in an ongoing relationship.
As for the question of what you should do. AA has a policy of not giving advice. It's easy for us to tell you what to do, and it is no skin off my nose if what I tell you turns out badly. Advice giving also fosters codependencies in which the advice giver is controlling, and the advice taker is not taking responsibility for his/her own life. So you must decide what is best for you. We, in AA, share our experience, before the program and in it,,, our strength, that is gained from having our HP and tools,,, and our hope, that newcomers can live healthier, happier and more productive lives.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
If I told you to leave him... or keep him... Id be playing God. I have quit doing that. Ask yourself these things... Is it honest is it unselfish is it good and right If the awnser is yes.. then YOU are OK with YOURSELF. Ask him to be honest with you, and let your higher power handle the rest. Ask for courage to ACCEPT the out come. We get what we get, and we are content knowing we didnt cause, controll, or create it. My two cents, for what it's it worth. :)
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
