Love Should Feel GoodOften in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else.
When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last.
Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love. For more information visit dailyom.com
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Love ~ the inner~outer frontier. I'm flummoxed. Trying to still figure out this Higher Power & it seems somehow intrinsically linked with love. Maybe that's the whole point of it. Maybe I'm trying to internalise & rationalise & intellectualise that which is inexplainable & very simple too. I used to look for evidence of love. Just love. Things working out to a greater good intention. That used to be my idea of a Higher Power & it was very simple. Now, in recovery, I'm confused by listening to people's ESH & get very caught up in the complicatedness of trying to figure it all out again instead of simply looking for the evidence of love. Just as it is. Just as I am. It's the self~centredness I'm told I have & can identify that I have. I used to believe that essentially I was good person & would get upset when things didn't go my way or that people struggled regardless of my input & then I realised my ego must be getting in the way. 'My intentions were no good as it was just self~will' & I learned this wasn't the way forward. How can I put the self~centredness to one side so that I can simply believe in the love I'm sure exists without it being about my own needs being met first? And then we're told we have to fix ourselves before we can help anybody else. I find this really confusing. Really confusing! I want to help & give hope but I'm only supposed to do this by being an example. How do I intergrate this into my work where I can put my rawness of early recovery to one side so that I can be there & do my job which really is about helping others? How do I practice being a positive influence & offering care & advice & support, as expected & paid for, with/without a hands-off approach? I don't see how I can do my job by being ignorant & letting go. I feel there are expectations of me to give a shit & not detach so much. I'm supposed to be there for them. How can I show love & care whilst feeling I know so little at the same time? It's ridiculous. I came into recovery & feel I lost all my love & self~belief. Feeling new but unpermissably naive. And I know it's supposed to be the opposite. Give time time I'm told. Don't make any major decisions in the first 1 to 2 years & I did. I took on this job & struggling more than ever. Be honest I'm told yet protect my anonymity. How can I be honest in a professional way with my boss without feeling inadequate when I'm sure it's fine to struggle whilst developing skills in the first few months? Will I ask my boss for so much help, advice & guidance that she'll feel I'm not up to it & let me go? This is my dilemna & in the way of moving forward. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? The reason I've answered & shared to your post, Wren, when it may seem a little off the mark or irrelevant is that I'm asking for help from my fellows to help me see how I can marry my love & need for other humans to my professionalism where I can be love for others too without being needy. In a practical way too I mean! How can/do I let go & let God? How do I give of myself in a useful way without feeling guilty that I may want something back? Even if it's just about that honest satisfaction of having helped another. Is that self~satisfaction? Was Mother Teresa self~satisfied & just people-pleasing? I think not. How can I get past myself so that I can give in a more efficient way without looking stupid or feeling vulnerable? Am I asking for more than anyone can give? Do I have to just get on with my recovery & not expect too much. I'm told I'm not alone & that we are here to help each other. Is that co~dependence or another act of HP?? I'm asking because deep down these are my beliefs & they get enmeshed with the seeming contradictions in A.A./Life/The World & myself. lol I hope some can make some sense of what I've said & my questions. I really don't want to be alone. I really want to be here & helpable in Fellowship cuz I really do need you all. (Am I being grandiose now!?) lol Please help if you can. I'm asking cuz I don't know how to ask 'God' with any sense from myself. Thanks everyone. And thanks so much for your post, Wren. I've needed to say this for a while & your post on love really got to the heart of where I'm trying to express myself from. Thanks for letting me share, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love. -------------------- Now....THAT!!!!!...is good stuff....:)
-------------------- And Sobriety? Sometimes... we just hafta STOP trying to figure it all out...:)
Have a nice day!!
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
so, those are all good questions. i was told a long time ago that confusion was a state of higher conscientious, which i took as good news as i spend a lot of time in that space. you are doing well on your spiritual journey grasshopper. keep up the good work.
I really had to laugh with your replies. Simple answers, eh. Thanks very much. I can get rather serious sometimes. Thanks for answering the call & helping me get real & in the moment. I don't need to know everything. My Higher Power will reveal to me as I'm ready. This alcoholic needs to think less & accept more. If I switch my head off will I still learn? An open vessel I hope. A 'relax and be and you will find that you are'. (Louise L Hay ~ You Can Heal Your Life) Thanks for giving me a nod. I think deep down that's all I wanted! (Silly me ;) To feel loved, accepted for just as I am. Maybe that's all I need to do too. Thankyou. My little heart has calmed. Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
