I've been sober for a little over three months. I consider myself an alcoholic. I've begun to read the big book. What have I not done? Gone to any face to face meetings . . . not one.
I didn't want to go. At first I thought it was because I didn't need to. I gain insight here, as well as support. I've got some great things going on in my life. I don't identify with the emotional anger of a "dry drunk" as described in several posts. Before I stopped drinking I didn't hit rock bottom, although it was a murky crappy spot I was in and I was only sinking lower and I have no doubt I would have (and will if I drink again).
The problem? I am realizing the addictive nature and the root of my reason for being an alcoholic is manifesting in other areas of my life now. And I feel like I'm in limbo in my recovery. I am not in a bad place but it's not as good as it can be--of this much I'm sure. I'm become fixated on other things and habits; I'm developing certain obsessive compulsive traits, I am feeling like the path I'm taking just sucks and I want to quit school. Somethings missing, right?
So, I now realize I do need to go to a meeting. I need to decide between a closed and open meeting. With the closed meeting I'd feel more safe; with the open meeting I could bring my sister (who has agreed to go with me if I ask her).
Huh . . . and I thought I got the whole powerless against the drinking thing months ago . . . I don't think I did. I'm thinking now, I am beginning to wise up.
I don't know when or where, but I now know I have to/ need to go to face to face meetings.
For me, I couldn't stay sober without going to my face to face meetings. I need to hear the experience and strength from other people and have contact with them.
You should be able to find the local AA helpline in your Yellow Pages. They'll be able to tell you where meetings are held in your area and whether they are open or closed. Maybe taking your sister along for support would be good for you. But, you can think around it.
Whatever meeting you do choose to go to you'll be made so very welcome. And, you don't have to say anything, you can just sit and listen. It took me quite a while to open my mouth at meetings.
Please let us know what you decide, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi there, Laura! I've really enjoyed having you around & your honesty & fellowship has been great. Flying~solo in sobriety's not a suggestion & you feeling more ready to attend a meeting now shows a good development in your recovery. I'm so glad if you can make it. I think meetings'll really suit you. You've had a flavour so far so may slip right in a little sooner in knowing what you can expect. More of the same love, honesty & respect. I really hope you get out of them what you need & feel able to share if you want to. Face to face meetings are often a magical experience & the friends you'll make are really special. It's more fellowship in action & it's this that helps us to stay sober. To know that we're not alone. Stick with the girls & keep an eye out for someone with good sobriety you'd like for a sponsor. This is a really exciting time & I'm happy for you too. Enjoy your journey. Loads of luck finding your meetings. Keep us posted chica, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I did that. I'm a guy that has done lots and lots of scary things- public speaking and kickboxing and big wave surfing and whatever- and yet I was fricken terrified to go to a meeting. I put it off forever on the grounds that it was too public and I didn't want to air my dirty laundry in public as it would hurt my business and all that. (As if being shithouse drunk every night wasn't hurting my business? Yeah, uh-huh.) Now THAT was the alcoholism talking for sure.
Even now I still take baby steps and am hesitant. I dont want to whine about how hard my life has been because really despite a few items that made things challenging I have been gifted with a charmed life- even down to my short stint of heavy drinking (less than five years) and my (thus far- it's never really over, is it?) fairly painless recovery. So it's difficult for me to let people into my life as I've been historically burned by people I trusted. But I work on that all the time, and I'm OK with the baby steps as long as they're all pretty much forward (as opposed to two steps forward and one back, the one back being a slip.)
My point is that despite the things I have trouble with at meetings and with the program, just the meetings alone have kept me sober. (I know it cant last and that I need to work on more and deeper, but for now- it works.) Going to meetings really helps keep me sober, and I'm a very stubborn, determined, strong minded alcoholic. (Those things can work as much against me as they can for me!)
Meetings on their own work. I know they're not a program but they are something else on their own- something useful. Being surrounded by people just like myself- or worse off than myself- sharing their experiences- that tells me that I'm not "flawed" or "less than" but rather it's common and we're just wired a little wrong and it's not so bad. Plus being in the rooms with people who are attempting to head in the same direction is so much better than the crapshoot of being OUT THERE.
I figure if I'm breathing and have use of my arms and legs and brain I'm about 98% OK. It doesn't always seem that way, but it's pretty much true. That last 2% is a real sonofagun. But with my arms and legs and brain intact, I guess it was only a matter of time before I admitted that I should use them and get to some meetings.
"Being surrounded by people just like myself- or worse off than myself- sharing their experiences- that tells me that I'm not "flawed" or "less than" but rather it's common and we're just wired a little wrong and it's not so bad." -TLH
Must be why I like the blues so much. Listening to Joe Louis Walker actually makes me feel less lonely . . . it's so therapeutic. If that's what a meeting might be similar to, well, I might even like going.
Thanks for your responses Carol, Danielle and TLH
Carol and Danielle--your continued support means a lot. I've been feeling guilty about not having been yet to a meeting and yet participating here. My realization that I must go isn't out of guilt 'though . . . I'm just "getting it" . . . "it" being just a piece of the puzzle . . . which is probably just a piece of an even larger puzzle . . . 'er . . . one BABY step at a time, Laura, one step at a time.
I went to my first face to face Alcoholics Anonymous meeting about a week after celebrating 2 years of alcohol free existence. I don't knock the self discovery and personal growth I engaged in during those two years, but they weren't going to keep me sober and shortly after celebrating 2 years I realized that I was either going to drink or start going to AA, and I didn't want to drink. Likewise, if I'd gone sooner, I may not have stuck around because my thinking was so off kilter that I never would have accepted any of it. At 2 years, I was willing to go any length to not drink again. The timing worked for me, and I have no regrets because I like the person I am today.
Hey better late than never, right? It is awkward walking into a meeting all by your lonesome the first time, but it gets better. My first meeting was a womens meeting down the street...candlelight..and the first thing that happened was a nice lady who didn't look a thing like an alcoholic handed me a cup for coffee and told me where the sugar was. I think the thing that really made me feel "good" was that they all looked like normal people, and they were all telling my story, with minor variations. I kept coming back. I don't go to that particular meeting anymore due to a scheduling conflict, but I can honestly say that it was both awkward and cool.
Wow! Thanks, Cynthia, for the share. I appreciate hearing your story. I'd like to find a woman's meeting as well . . . OK, I just looked meetings up. I can't go tonight or tomorrow due to class and work, but the next one that looks good is the one I'd originally highlighted (three months ago) to go to. It's not closed, but it is all women. There is no number to call on the website to call and make sure it's opperating . . . OK, found a phone number on another page. I can call them today. hhmmmmm, that wasn't as hard as I imagined . . . then again, that's not the hard part. Thanks for your help people!
TLH--those guys are so cool they're blue ice . . . (Ok, a bit dorky on my part, but yeah, give me some Miles' generique and the mood is bluesified surounded by peace)
