i'm looking for some help, haven't been to a meeting for a while, since i lost the desire. Got so mixed up at meetings and often left me feeling drained seemed to go home with my problems and yours too. Became dissilusioned and stopped going, when i first read the 12 steps my heart skipped a beat something inside said this is the solution and yet it eludes me. Looking for suggestions experience strength and hope.
I've had periods in sobriety..where I felt the same way...
And the consequences...were....I went backwards...and a lot of things went downhill in a hurry....including the mental, emotional, physical..and spiritual conditions....
The medicine to keep this disease arrested....and to become better..one day at a time...is there....
I found when the pain of it all....got too hard to bear...that I had to take the medicine...and do the must things...to get better...whether I wanted to or not...there was no choice...and I imagine that if I had of stayed away from the medicine...and stayed in the dry drunk mode...that sooner or later...I would have picked up a drink...
Things did get better..:)
All the best....
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
I have experienced that at some groups, and what I did was look for another group. Various groups have differing dynamics, due to the personalities of the core people there. I found some groups that were dominated by a small core group that didn't work past Step 4 and they didn't do Step 1 very well because they were very controlling of the other people in the group. I left that one and found an early morning group of people that worked all the steps and were truly committed to their recovery.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Welcome to MIP. It's a great place to be and it adds a lot to my sobriety.
I go to two or three meetings each week and often try new ones. Trying a new meeting and meeting new people in the fellowship really helps me. I worry that I would find a regular meeting becoming 'stale', so I try different ones.
Working the steps is the only way that this alcoholic can have any chance of staying sober. I knew that they were important, but it took me a little while to really start working them properly. I am so glad that I have a wonderful sponsor and with her help I am now living the steps. For me, they really are a blueprint for life.
I do hope that you will keep coming back here and letting us know how things are going for you.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
alligot wrote:I have found meetings in the past which i would consider to be 'recovery' meetings however have found that there is a poor attendance by women.
I realise this seems i am putting blocks to my recovery and perhaps there is an element of truth to that but this is also my experience.
I live in a small town of approximately 3000. For YEARS I was the only woman at meetings. I did let that detract from my recovery and backed off on attendance several times. The only one I hurt was myself.
We do have two other women locally who attend now. The few women I have encountered seem to be 'in and out' of that revolving door a lot.
The more you focus on what you can get out of a meeting, as opposed to what is 'wrong' with a meeting, the better!
Just my personal experience!
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
There are some questions you may want to ask yourself........ When meetings were attended was the expectation one of "instant cure/miracle"? When they were stopped, could it be "they" were being used as an excuse to evade sobriety? How badly do you want sobriety? Sometimes when we are filled with an intense desire to do something we are able to achieve it regardless of "outward" things. In other words, if the desire is trully there to become sober, one can achieve it regardless of others or situations we encounter. Most in the beginning go to meetings either with a certain amount of reluctance or with the attitude they will be instantly cured. In either case, they didn't have the deep desire to become sober. And they simply give up. As Phil said......"take what you need and leave the rest....." I further it by saying, "What one puts into something one gets out of."
I'm sorry perhaps i have not made my self clear it is not sobriety ( other than the fullest sense of that word) that eludes me. I have been totally abstinent for over 6 years.
My frustration lies in the fact that the solution eludes me. There is a lack of women and a lack of recovery (my opinion) and the 'attraction' has all but gone.I have looked at other fellowships but prefer the Big Book to other litrature.
I know this feeling of complete hitting your head against a wall is not uncommon, a friend of mine ( who lives in the city, where there are more woman) has just relapsed after 4 years in the fellowship trying to work a program with a sponsor?
All I got is step one ! However it is fair that you question my willingness as i question it myself.
I have survived through many transitions with all i got. I have lost my father to cancer of the liver and bowl ( sudden ) i have got married and have had two more children. I have moved house 4 times. I have been to court with my eldests father to allow him visitation rights. Those are the big ones and i have never in all of that had the desire to use, perhaps in some low moments i have had a fleeting thought followed by the realistic to use would make things worse and this will pass. In all that time, including the birth of my children, i have only ever taken the occasional parecetemol.
In all honesty i am more than a little lost at this time i could not define for you my needs, i find this very unsettling.
I'm sorry perhaps i have not made my self clear it is not sobriety ( other than the fullest sense of that word) that eludes me. I have been totally abstinent for over 6 years.
My frustration lies in the fact that the solution eludes me. There is a lack of women and a lack of recovery (my opinion) and the 'attraction' has all but gone.I have looked at other fellowships but prefer the Big Book to other litrature.
Respectfully, abstinence and true recovery/sobriety are worlds apart. You say you see a 'lack of recovery' in meetings, yet you admit that the solution eludes you. That seems contradictory to me.
You see, the drinking is only a symptom of deeper underlying issues, the true problem. Were alcohol my only problem, it would stand to reason once I put it down and walked away, I would be fine.
My problem lies right between my ears, my thinking, my perceptions, my attitudes, my reactions to life. That is what the 'solution' in AA is for, learning how to live my life on life's terms.
Being a single parent with disabilities, and very limited income, I can either make the best of recovery that is available to me locally, or cheat myself out of quality sobriety by picking at all the negatives with our group.
Last night was our monthly birthday celebration, complete with a big meal beforehand. It was one of the best meals and fellowship I've had in a long time.
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
Respectfully, abstinence and true recovery/sobriety are worlds apart. You say you see a 'lack of recovery' in meetings, yet you admit that the solution eludes you. That seems contradictory to me.
I agree , but there are alot of people talking the talk ?
I have an understanding of the program and the steps and need them both to maintain my spiritual well being the solution eludes me not on an itellectual level but in application ( perhaps a result of poor sponsoring = my disillusionment). I admit to being cynical in meetings i often felt like jumping up and shouting 'the emperor is naked!' However i have not yet given it my best effort, the pain i feel is bearable even now. I guess you could say i am at a bit of a crossroads with the questions being should i return to the fellowship or should i explore other spiritual paths. It is after all my spiritual wellness i feel needs adressing? I apologise if i appear to contradict myself but that kind of sums my thinking up always got the counter argument just no sure of myself. I did the steps with a sponsor but in the middle of my step 4 her mother took ill and she had to commit in that area of her life. So perhaps what i seek is affirmation that there is hope even for difficult sorts like me?
But until I went through the action steps completely in depth...and got all the skeletons out of the closet...there was always this numb depressing load...holding me down...and I felt STUCK...
I wont share with you....how long it took to get rid of all the crap inside...but I will share that I wasnt willing to take action with that...for a number of years...
However...when I did? It set me free...
I also felt stuck...in the area...of "What Now?"
Theres a saying that if we wish to keep it...we hafta give it away...
Took a long time...to understand that one....
When I started reaching out to help others...sharing experience strength and hope?
Something happened...
It was and is a great feeling to get out of myself....
And give to others with love....as others have given to me....
Hope it all works out for yu....:)
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Just a thought...I have often found that the things I see in other people that irritate me are in truth the things I am not willing to look at in myself!
Yes, there are plenty of people who talk the talk only. Last night was a prime example. One fellow celebrated 8 years. He is a self-professed big book thumper, he can quote you anything out of the book and tell you exactly what page it is on.
Outside of the AA room his life is a small self-contained box where he continues to live on disability, though he has been presented with the opportunities for jobs he CAN do, by other members, he cares little about his personal appearance, and most generally won't answer phone calls from other members of AA who try to reach out to him.
That does not detract from my recovery. It serves as a reminder to me of how I don't want to live my life!
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
I dunno if we are on the same page , i try desperately not to judge others, there but for the grace of God go i and i also try desperately to keep a handle on my arrogance. I do not think i am any better but this is my recovery and it is serious shit it is a big deal. So i try and watch to see who is bullshitting and who is for real, i'm loosing my faith in my ability to do this as i loose faith in my ability to do anything.
I'm mother to three and my life is busy, i live an honest life i have no shame in the way i live my life my shame is in my inability to understand and love myself. I KNOW that i could be soooooo much more. I'm in constant turmoil with myself and my thoughts constant vigil i'm merely tired with the amount of effort it takes, i'm doing something wrong I need guidance i can't do this myself.
Whilst i find all the snappy recovery slogans helpful and clever and meaningful, it is not going to get me well?
Jane, I think you may be inhibiting your open~mindedness by comparing yourself with others? I don't think it's worth testing out who's bullshitting & who's for real. I don't think it has to matter as this can allow cynicism & judgement in through the back door. We're not in competition (I hope not anyway!) I came into A.A. with an open~mind. My best efforts at second guessing in life beforehand had gotten me nowhere but paranoid & worried. I simply listen for the consistancies & where people are trying. This works for me & filters out where people may be ignoring the program. Whatever we focus on tends to grow which is why recovery is as progressive as the dis-ease. I hope there's something you like in these words. I haven't meant to assume anything about where you're coming from & I hope you can move on with some new ideas. If there's a shortage of women in your area then your presence maybe a positive for any female newcomers & old coming in. You'll probably get to know the males just as well & be able to trust in the fellowship anyway. I know it really can help to have a more mixed group or at least a reliable sponsor we can share the more personal issues with if we don't want to present that stuff over the table. Good luck with your efforts. I think you do get out what you put in. Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
You spot it you got it
I dunno if we are on the same page , i try desperately not to judge others, there but for the grace of God go i and i also try desperately to keep a handle on my arrogance. I do not think i am any better but this is my recovery and it is serious shit it is a big deal. So i try and watch to see who is bullshitting and who is for real, i'm loosing my faith in my ability to do this as i loose faith in my ability to do anything.
I need guidance i can't do this myself.