Hello, I'm going to be looking for a sponsor. Can anyone tell me what to look for. I've heard people asking for one at meetings...I have a hard time asking my own family for anything, and havent had the nerve to speak up and ask for one. Thanks Nancy Jo
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Life is full of ups and downs
But the faces of love will
ease the pain and suffering
from:My Mother
A share on Sponsorship from http://12-steps-recovery.com/resources/sponsors/So just What does a sponsor do? In some ways, a sponsor is like a good friend, a teacher, a tutor, and an experienced guide. Some may even think of a sponsor as their older brother or sister that they never had. A sponsor is someone who has been where we want to go in our twelve step program and knows how we can best get there. Their primary responsibility is to help us work the 12 steps by applying the principles of the program to our lives. They lead us by example as we see how the program works in their lives through sharing their personal experiences and stories of where they were and where they are now. We start to learn how to become sober by listening and doing the footwork that our sponsor shows us on a daily basis. In time we make these new changes a habit which helps us to remain sober one day at a time. A.A. defines a sponsorship in this way: "An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program who shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through A.A." Every sponsor is different, just as each sponsee is different, but certain activities, responsibilities, and obligations are common in all sponsor/sponsee relationships. They are all working to help one another remain sober for just one more day by sharing themselves with one another. What to look for in a sponsorChoosing a sponsor is like choosing your best friend. Sometimes it just happens and sometimes it's planned, but there is always something about the other person that attracts us to them. Picking a sponsor can seem scary and intimidating at first. It is our hope that these suggestions may ease this process a bit for you. Some recovery groups have a list of available members who have volunteered to help the newcomer as "Temporary Sponsors". Temporary Sponsors can ease our transition in a number of ways, they can answer questions, explain the concepts of the program and terms, saying and other essential items in such a way that helps us to understand. Some "temp sponsors" become primary sponsors, but many are replaced by someone else in time. The best advice that was shared to us when we were looking for a sponsor was to attend 90 meeting in 90 days. This has a two fold affect, the first is it will show you are serious about the program, the second it will allow you 90 days to meet and greet those in the group with you. While attending the meetings listen to the person sharing. Hear and see what they have to offer. As you make friends in the group, ask them who they think would be best for you often times we can't see ourselves clearly but those whom we meet can and can best guide us to the best sponsors. These are only a few of the many suggestions to look for that people have used to aid in selecting an appropriate sponsor for themselves. The main thing to look for is openness, can you talk to them openly. The program is most beneficial when we can be 100% honest with our sponsor about even the most intimate of things.
Some factors to consider in choosing a sponsor Has what we want lives the solution not the problem Walks the Talk in all his / her affairs Has a sponsor themselves Emphasizes the steps and traditions of the program Has more time in recovery than we do Has worked more steps than we have Is available for telephone calls and personal meetings Emphasized the spiritual aspect of the program and lastly IS THE SAME GENDER TYPE as you.
-- Edited by Phil at 08:51, 2007-04-16
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Here's something that was given to me a while back when I was looking for a sponsor. It helped me and I hope it will help you, too.
Please let us know how it goes for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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How does sponsorship help the newcomer?
It assures the newcomer that there is at least one person who understands the situation fully and cares - one person to turn to without embarrassment when doubts, questions, or problems linked to alcoholism arise. Sponsorship gives the newcomer an understanding, sympathetic friend when one is needed most. Sponsorship also provides the bridge enabling the new person to meet other alcoholics - in a home group and in other groups visited.
How should a sponsor be chosen?
The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible, and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request. An old A.A. saying suggests, "Stick with the winners." It's only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink - and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.
Should sponsor and newcomer be as much alike as possible?
Often, a newcomer feels most at ease with a sponsor of similar background and interests - another physician or another homemaker, another churchgoer or another agnostic, another Irish-American or another black. But many A.A.s say they were greatly helped by sponsors totally unlike themselves. Maybe that's because their attention was then focused on the most important things that any sponsor and newcomer have in common: alcoholism and recovery in A.A. A.A. experience does suggest that it is best for men to sponsor men, women to sponsor women. This custom usually promotes quick understanding and reduces the likelihood of emotional distractions that might take the new-comer's mind off the purpose of A.A.
What should a newcomer expect from a sponsor?
An A.A. sponsor does not provide any such services as those offered by a social worker, a doctor, a nurse, or a marriage counselor. A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who helps the newcomer solve one problem: how to stay sober. And it is not professional training that enables a sponsor to give help - it is just personal experience and observation. A sponsor was once a newcomer, too, and has tried to use the A.A. program to deal with problems similar to those the newcomer is facing now.
Must the newcomer agree with everything the sponsor says?
If the sponsor's ideas sound strange or unclear, the newcomer had better speak up and ask questions. Theirs is supposed to be an easy, open relationship, in which both parties talk freely and honestly with each other. The A.A. program is simple, but it didn't seem that way to many of us at first. Often, we learned by asking questions, at closed meetings or - most especially - in conversations with our sponsors.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I went to several meetings at different times on different days, 1) so I could find the meeting that I felt best in and 2) so I could listen and watch the women who sponsor, before, during and after a f2f. Then I prayed about it. Finally after many months I found one who had what I want and who has good QUALITY sobriety, not just time.
You'll be fine, hun......
I'm soooo glad you're back, (((((((nancyjo)))))).
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
