When or do you tell people you're an alcoholic even if it's a recovering or non-drinking alcoholic. When I get offered a drink at a social function and I say "NO". People look at me weird. I mean it would be much easier to take a drink and not drink it. But I don't think that's a good idea. Sometimes I think I could probably control my actions if I have just a little bit. But I think that's the disease lying to me.
I'm also nervous telling people because of the stereotype. Such as they will associate me with an alcoholic that they once knew, or something like that.
Well, when put into a position to be offered a drink? Since I gave up pop, I order lemonade, and I don't offer any explanation. If anyone asks, I say I don't drink. They don't need to know why, for how long, or any of that. If someone decides to give me crap for it, well, that's their problem and I'm not qualified to solve it. The last time I was in a position to be offered alcohol and have to say no was at a business dinner involving my boss, my bosses boss and his boss. The two highest bosses drank quite a lot, my immediate boss is also "on the wagon" and he and I handled it the same, ordered what we wanted to drink and nobody said a word.
Something I've found is that half the time when I think people are paying attention to what I'm doing, they really aren't.
Something else I've found is that people who are close to you will usually appreciate that you are in recovery, and if someone isn't close to you (coworker, barber, bus driver) they don't need to know, and it's not like you're wearing a sign. Some of my coworkers know, many don't, and I don't tell everyone I meet. If I go to a club and I've been dancing, I go to the bar and ask for water which would be a healthy choice for anyone who's just worked up a sweat. (Sometimes I even tip the bartender for that.)
People who have known you for a long time may unfortunately not need any help associating you with the alcoholic they once knew, sometimes it takes working a program for a long time to change that opinion.
Now here's a question though - in a social situation where it would be "good manners" to drink -- would you rather not drink and keep the respect of those around you, or drink and probably cause irreparable damage?
One of my favorite lines that I have used on those occasions when I am asked if I want an alcoholic drink is, "No thanks, got a slight problem with my kidneys that I have to take care of before I can have anything with alcohol in it."
I don't bother to tell them that the only problem I have with my kidneys is that I'd like to still be using them 30 years from now, and not have them shot from alcohol.
Another possible response--- you just order non-alcoholic beverages, or just say, "No thanks." and if you get strange looks from people.....you can also add "I'm trying to watch my calories." Throw in a quote of this little tidbid from the University of Rochester Health Promotion Office: "We've all seen it attached to the front of our once thin and athletic friend - the infamous "beer belly". Commonly misattributed to excess alcohol calories being stored as fat, the "beer belly" is actually a result of alcohol's more complex effects on the body's metabolic system. Simply put, alcohol reduces the amount of fat the body burns for energy. This occurs for the following reason:
A small portion of the alcohol consumed is converted into fat.
The liver then converts the rest (ie: majority) of the alcohol into acetate.
The acetate is then released into the bloodstream, and replaces fat as a source of fuel.
Coupled with the high caloric value of alcohol, the resulting effect is that body is forced to store an excessive amount of unburned fat calories, often in the form of a 'beer belly". "
You can throw in some calorie counts for a 4 oz glass (that's a pretty small container!!) of wine at around 70 calories or even a "light" beer starting at 95 to 100 calories, and any mixed drink STARTING at over 100 calories for the alcohol (even before you add the no-cal or 100+ calorie soft drink)!
Before you know it, they will be the ones feeling uncomfortable. Who knows?......you might even save another life!!!!!!
I just say "No, thank you." It's none of their business anyway....I did have a woman last year at the HOG Rally keep hounding me to "c'mon, have a drink. Let me fix you a drink. Here, taste mine" as she proceeded to shove her glass of straight gin (ewwwww......) in my face. She continued to push the issue so I finally just said "can't drink. Doctor's orders". I, of course, was speaking of Doctor Bob......
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
As time passes in sobriety, things do change. When I first got sober, I told everyone I was a recovering alcoholic. Then when I got my teeth fixed, some ID, and a driver's license, a job and felt as though I was re-entering society, I started telling people I had a balance disorder and I couldn't drink. It was a balance disorder. I drank and I got drunk and I fell down.
For the longest time after that, I just told people I didn't drink. If they pursued it, I would tell them I drank when I was young but quit when I grew up. Now I am back to telling everyone, I am a recovering alcoholic again. You know what they say. The truth will set you free. When you get right down to it, being an alcoholic is the most real thing in my wonderful life.
So try some answers and find one that suits you and have a wonderful life. If you can just get to some AA meetings and not drink, the rest of it will fall into place.
I tell them I've drank my share and then some, and if they push the issue I say "Well, you know- come to think of it this is one of the few venues I haven't been banned from- maybe I should think about it. How's the security here?"
TLH wrote: I tell them I've drank my share and then some, and if they push the issue I say "Well, you know- come to think of it this is one of the few venues I haven't been banned from- maybe I should think about it. How's the security here?"
I'm an open book, my friend- and that was pretty much serious. I have to admit though that I find a LOT of items related with my life pretty hilarious. Thank god! If I didn't find it funny it'd be all sad and unfortunate. ;)
Truth be told my friends are so thick skinned from putting up with me drunk and out of control for so long that I have their full support- even the ones that are drunks just like me.
The people who try to push stuff on me get whimsy and mischief and the off color humor that comes naturally to a misanthropic wise ass like me. I cant stand having stuff pushed on me and that goes especailly big-time for booze. Tends to make the wicked mischievious streak surface. Aloha- Toby
I like to find humor in my experiences too (what good are they if you can't). After reading your rambling post, I now realize that you were serious... but I liked your response and appreciate your wise ass.
Well, honestly, I just tell people I'm a recovering alcoholic... but then I haven't been put in situations like that with people it would really matter with... like bosses or coworkers or whatever... when I first started AA, I told everyone I was going to AA (friends, family, etc)... actually, when I did my scholarship essay earlier this month, I wrote in there that I have 7 months sober in AA... I'm not ashamed of it, actually grateful to be an alcoholic, and don't mind telling people so...
