We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict.
What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries!
It's good to care about other people and their feelings; it's essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice.
Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people's feelings. We can replace that message with a new one; one that says it's not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings.
That's okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allows others to be responsible for themselves.
Caring works. Caretaking doesnt. We can learn to walk the line between the two.
Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other peoples feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing its the best thing I can do for others and myself.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Yeah, um, I'm right there with you Phil, only I'm still trying to learn this hard truth. I'm currently trying to extricate myself from a situation that I was drawn into due to my need to fix other people's problems. I'd like to say I have learned my lesson, but I keep repeating the same problem over and over again--job "opportunities" pop up with people in serious need asking me to help them fix a problem . . . I'm a sucker for a person in distress and (admittedly) flattery. One of the problems that occur after the job starts? I discover the other person has not been entirely honest with me about the position or the situation I'm coming into. I've got to start setting my own conditions for living, and stop depending on other set them for me . . . I think that's what I'm doing when I choose to respond to the calls for help . . . and I realize this doesn't make me an uncaring person. Those calls that come when I am living by my conditions can be answered as long as they do not conflict with my conditions . . . hmmmmmm . . . I think
