Hello everyone! This is my 'first time around', and God wiling my only time around in AA. I have 12 days sober now. I am a 34yr ols mother of 2 young children. My 2 questions are:
How do I go about picking a sponsor? I don't want to ask too many people about it at the meetings and then risk hurting their feelings if I don't choose them as my sponsor.
I am also wondering, honestly desperately searching, for stories from fellow AA members who hit a 'soft bottom'. Thank God for guiding me to AA before I lost my family, job or home. (I simply thought I was about to lose my mind.) Having not "hit rock bottom"makes me have a lot of 'reservations' and I am having a hard time with step 1. Thanks for any help you can give me in these areas!----Jessica
Hi, Jessica Welcome. I'll say about the sponsor deal, attend enough meetings until you find someone who seems to have what you want, problems solved-wise, and you can identify with. Women outta choose women for obvious reasons. If you have been personally convinced of where alcohol will take you, and have exausted your own resources in solving the problem to the point of reaching out for help, I would say you are well on your way, first step-wise. That's it in a nutshell, someone else outta reply soon.
I would also strongly suggest getting a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and reading the first 164 pages, which lays out our dilemna and our solution, as many of us have found it to be. And give yourself a break, take it a day at a time, understanding of what we have to offer often comes slowly. Whatever open mindedness(teachability), willingness, and honesty you have are all you need to start.
Dittos to the above. As for a sponsor, I believe it's "illegal" in AA to sponsor the opposite sex. Just say that you need a sponsor when you go to your next meeting and see what response you get. Don't be afraid to ask at several different meetings with different people.
It sounds as though you're at a good beginning. keep up the good work...Tim, alcoholic
P.S. Don't be shy to go back several pages on this site and read all the posts. You WILL find a lot of inspiration and support for your desire to stay sober.
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Hi Jessica, Welcome to the forum. A thread was recently started for stories under the heading mini-lead--in case you want to start there. I don't believe myself to be at rock bottom either, but I'm certainly way way (way) below where I know I have the potential to be. I was confused and hesitant at first to say to myself "yeah, I'm an alcoholic." This forum let me talk about myself and where I was with drinking and no one preached to me or told me "yeah, you're an alcoholic." I really appreciated that. It was up to me to decide that I really do have an addiction that is not under my control. I'm just not pushing myself to fit any kind of mold or pre-concieved notion of what a person needs to be and do to be considered an alcoholic. It's a wonderful feeling to realize that I get to make that decision and judgement for myself. There is so much I want to be and do in life and letting drinking get in the way just isn't worth it. -Laura
Welcome to MIP. It's a good place to be and it really adds so much to my sobriety. I do hope that you'll keep coming back and posting and reading. There are some great people here with a wealth of knowledge and experience.
I decided on who I would like to be my sponsor after I had been around for about four weeks. I liked what she had to say when she shared at meetings and I liked her sobriety. She is now a mix between a big sister, best friend and mentor to me now. She is a wonderful lady.
I didn't hit a 'hard' rock bottom, but it was bad enough for me to want to get help. I knew that if I carried on drinking things were only going to get worse for this alcoholic. I know lots of people who haven't lost everything and many more who have. I was on a train journey and it was up to me to decide where I was going to get off. I could have stayed on and hit the buffers with an almighty bang. But, I chose not to.
My life today is so very much better than I ever expected/hoped it could be. And, it's all down to AA and our wonderful program of recovery.
Well done on your twelve days. You're doing really well. Please let us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
The 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions' is also an important book to have. There is a chapter on Step 5 there that discusses how to pick a person to do Step 5 with, and a bit about a sponsor. some of the qualities to look for are the same. Some cautions are: there are many people who seem to talk the talk, and are too willing to be a sponsor to people, but they get into codependencies. It is wise to wait long enough till you understand the program well enough to see who is really living it, and who is - well, just getting into relationships. There is a thing called 'two stepping', which means a person is doing the first STep in admitting to be alcoholic, and the 12th Step, in wanting to share their message, without doing the Steps in between. Some people ask the officers of a group to recommend someone, figuring that the officers have been there awhile and shown enough good stuff to get elected officers, and so can pick better than a newbie can.
Welcome to the AA recovery journey,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
First I'd like to say welcome and that your in the right place, glad to see your going to meetings.
Answer to your questiion in regards to the sponser, well when the time is right you'll know it, it took me almost a year to find one (sponser). But I'm glad I did, pick a sponser that I knew could rely on.
When you make that decision, it will be alright. You won't hurt any feelings, and you have to take of you first, one day at a time.
Thanks for all of your suggestions. This is definately the right place for me to be. You are all so understanding and supportive and knowlegable. Keep the suggestiosn coming if there are any new ones....please--------Jessica
Hey! I'm new here too, but I'm not new to AA. Don't worry about hurting anyones feelings in AA when it comes to sponsorship. You may not have seen it in your life yet, but alcoholism really is a matter of life and death, so people willunderstand that you need to be careful in picking a sponsor. Iwas told that a sponsor should meet some criteria. They should have a sponsor they work with; they should have worked the steps formally; they should be of the same sex. If someone meets that criteria, ask them to be your temporary sponsor, it may turn into a lifelong friendship or it may get you by until you find someone that can help you better, either way, find one, because until you do, you sponsor yourself, and your best thinking brought you to how you felt the day before you came to AA
Good luck with choosing your Sponsor, Jess. I really enjoyed choosing mine & I was quite fortunate to have been drawn to her early on in my attendance to meetings though this doesn't have to be the case. Simply attending meetings will help you to open up to how you'd like to change & what you want for yourself. You'll gradually grow in humility & know who to ask. The thing is, we're all trying to keep our egos out of it & if we're tussling with ego then that's our responsibility. That's why no one will mind or try to pressure you into taking them on as a sponsor. It's entirely your decision & if you want help it's always best to ask for it. That's what shows willingness on our part to change & set aside false pride. We no longer have to be alone! :D Our Sponsor will carry the message, not carry us. It can be a beautiful experience of unconditional love & not being judged. They can identify with us because they've been there & walked the steps before us. I'm very happy with my Sponsor obviously! I did my Step3 with her today & I'm learning better peace all the time. Good luck Jess, keep coming back ;0) Danielle xxx
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
RyanS wrote:......... attend enough meetings until you find someone who seems to have what you want, problems solved-wise, and you can identify with. Women outta choose women for obvious reasons.
What he said ^
As for hitting bottom, I guess mine was pretty soft, too. Never lost a job, no DUI's, never homeless, etc, etc, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Glad you're here. Hope you'll keep coming.
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hello I'm Mike and not so new and not so old here eather but can give you a little strength and hope, the expereiance was an eye opener. to start with hitting bottom does not have to be like mine or anyone elses everyones is different. What the bottom is (and this may answer your ? about step one) is when you realize that as for you your losing your mind and that makes life unmanagable and hard to deal with. If you do'nt mind my expeiriance with the program this time around is that if we follow the steps and put the traditions to use in our lives, it not only shows us how to stop drinking but it will teach us a new way of life, a way that is so much better and so much more managable than before that the want of a drink will disappear (as long as we keep working the program in our lives) and the want of this new life grows stronger day by day. The only requirement is the desire, the desire to stop drinking and the desire for a new and better way of life. Hope this helps Mike
