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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Ninth Step in the News Again
Post Info TOPIC: Ninth Step in the News Again
psychoktty


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Ninth Step in the News Again
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http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/02/25/forgive.ap/index.html

Basically if you don't want to look at the link, the jist is that a guy doing a 9th step confessed to a 1984 rape of a college student, to the student herself, via email, apologized, then proceeded to tell her of his alcoholism, etc. This had the result of bringing back all the terrible feelings the girl had gone through, and added more as she was unclear as to if he was truly sorry or just apologizing because he had to. He is in jail now.

This always causes me to wonder when these items come up - what part of "except when to do so would injure them or others" are people not understanding? It would have been possible for him to just turn himself in and serve his time without a confrontation. Sure there wouldn't have been any direct exchange between him and the girl, but thinking about her emotional state and how she was affected by the exchange, should there have been?

Just something that made me go 'hmm.'

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amanda2u2


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I know of another case where a young girl had been molested by a teenager.  She became pretty phobic, and it is not like the memory went away or anything, but she just tried to hide from anything and everything that would be any kind of reminder or any way similar person,,,  all men.   The young man did, a couple of years later,,,  and , in fact, a few months ago,   personally apologize to her, recognizing that wwhat  he did was wrong, and saying that he would never do such a thing again.  He was not doing any steps, but did honestly feel remorse.  I t was hard for him to face her, and he knew it was hard for her to face him. He acknowledged that the girl may not accept the apology and that that was her right. 

It did not make anything worse for her, and, in fact, struggling through the old feelings and confusion gave her an opportunity to gain new perspectives on what happened,,  resolved some of the issues, and gave her some closure.  It is not always the best thing to just avoid unpleasant issues.  

I don't know whether or not the man of your post is in jail for that offense or another offense.  the  limitation on amends also concerns whether it would land the amender in jail. This is a hard call. 

I guess I would ponder it too.   hmmmm

love in recovery,

amanda

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psychoktty


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According to the article, the girl decided to prosecute and he was found guilty and sent to jail. He had no prior record, and even though it took place in 1984, since he confessed, there was no statute of limitations.

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Doll


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I heard about this.......And please, don't get me wrong, I'm unbelievably happy the guy got what he deserved & the lady got some justice......but my first thought upon reading this was " Geeeze, what a friggin' dumb ass!!" 

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Laura


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Yeah, 'uh a dumb ass for having raped her. And certainly not for having confessed to the rape. This man obviously really understood that he'd never be able to live with himself (because hasn't been) AND the crime. He damaged another person (for life) in a matter of hours. While it totally seems like he apologized for himself, not for her--if he really wanted to make it right he would have just turned himself in and served the time, and told her along the way AND told her the complete truth--he truly must still know it was a wrong choice to rape her.
This article should be discussed in a high school class. This man obviously had good in him otherwise it wouldn't have eaten him up so much. There are certainly others who rape and don't give a flyen hoot about the women they screw--there just women, right? Dumb fraternities that promote this kind of behavior are helping to break the souls of young men like the attacker, not just the victims.
(side note: I know not all fraternities are bad)

-- Edited by Laura at 21:43, 2007-02-28

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Ninth Step in the News Again