I'm so glad you guys are here. I'm 9 1/2 yrs sober and have spent this last week dying for a drink--still sober though I live way in the boondocks and took a job this year teaching chemistry at the local High School (I still think it's funny that I'm certified to teach chemistry). Anyway, this year has been a complete nightmare. My husband is awesome, my stepson is awesome, my animals are awesome--I'm very lucky. But my Lord am I a people pleasing, workaholic, co-dependent nightmare when it comes to my job. Watching myself, I really think I must be a little crazy and of course I haven't been to a meeting for a really longtime--too much to do for work. So when my husband and stepson were gone this week (they do a father/son trip every year) I realised that I was looking forward to them going with fantasies of--"Oh boy! Now I can drink!" I didn't but I also realized that I was "white knuckling" it like I haven't in years. In truth getting to a meeting is extremely difficult-- I have to drive about 2 hours just to get there. So today I decided to search the web and found you guys. Reading your posts I heard exactly what I needed to hear--tears just started rolling down my face. My job is truly difficult--many teachers before me walked out and I almost did 2 weeks ago. However, it is the sort situation that my disease thrives in--nothing like a dry drunk running through halls in high drama!! My husband and I have agreed that I'm taking next year off from teaching, but I have 3 more months to go to get through this year and I clearly need to get back to some basics. So just for today...
Oh Crap--I'm crying again. It's amazing how off balance I've gotten without even knowing it--hmm something about denial not being a river.
I mean hey, I'm married to a non-alcoholic, I've got a job and lots of non-alcoholic friends and nobody but my husband knows that I'm an alcoholic. It's almost like I could forget that I'm an alcoholic--until I hear you guys and see myself. Think I'll check out that cyber meeting tonight--I'll bring my own coffee.
Welcome to MIP, OK. Wow, have I ever been in your shoes. I forgot the "I" of my program, because I allowed my job to become my identity. After about a year of 60 hour weeks, I began to fry, wasn't going to meetings hardly ever...couldn't afford not to work, so I quit my hospital job and all it's union bennies, and spent a few working in a residential rehab. Excellent reality check. But I too have actually pre-planned a drunk, and I played that tape out of the first drink right up to the last one ending me up in the hospital. Or dead. Or worse, someone else dead because of me. By the time that tape's done, I'm just as sick to my stomach as if I'd really done it. You hang in there, remember who you are and all the good stuff about yourself and your sobriety life, hit a meeting and keep comin' back here. Lotsa good folks and sobriety here. Chin up, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Carol said: "Congratulations on 9 and ½ years sober. That is a wonderful achievement and so inspiring for me. Thank you for that."
And I second that. :) I'm glad you found the forum and hope you continue to come back. Good for you for recognizing you're going to need to take next year off from teaching. I have family members who are teachers and one of them had been in a "difficult" position with very challenging kids and a challenging administration and, wow, did she have push to finish out two years but she'd made a commitment and followed through. I admired her for that. I admire you for doing the same and sticking with it for the rest of the school year.
I live way in the boondocks and took a job this year teaching chemistry at the local High School (I still think it's funny that I'm certified to teach chemistry). Anyway, this year has been a complete nightmare. My husband is awesome, my stepson is awesome, my animals are awesome--I'm very lucky. But my Lord am I a people pleasing, workaholic, co-dependent nightmare when it comes to my job. Watching myself, I really think I must be a little crazy and of course I haven't been to a meeting for a really longtime--too much to do for work
. So when my husband and stepson were gone this week (they do a father/son trip every year) I realised that I was looking forward to them going with fantasies of--"Oh boy! Now I can drink!" I didn't but I also realized that I was "white knuckling" it like I haven't in years. In truth getting to a meeting is extremely difficult-- I have to drive about 2 hours just to get there. So today I decided to search the web and found you guys. Reading your posts I heard exactly what I needed to hear--tears just started rolling down my face. My job is truly difficult--many teachers before me walked out and I almost did 2 weeks ago. However, it is the sort situation that my disease thrives in--nothing like a dry drunk running through halls in high drama!! My husband and I have agreed that I'm taking next year off from teaching, but I have 3 more months to go to get through this year and I clearly need to get back to some basics. So just for today...