The first step to forgiveness "To get to forgiveness, we first have to work through the painful experiences that require it." -- Christiane Northrup To forgive, we do not have to say that whatever happened was okay. In fact, before we can forgive, we need to allow ourselves to really feel the pain of the experience. If we don’t fully acknowledge our hurts, we will continue to carry them subconsciously and they will drain our energy. To forgive, we need to decide that we won’t allow the memories of the event to poison us any longer. We’re ready to heal this wound from the past and open to a fresh new beginning. The blessing is that when we’re really ready to experience our pain and we open to it, it usually fades away. By honouring our pain, we release it. "We must let ourselves feel all the painful destruction we want to forgive rather than swallow it in denial. If we do not face it, we cannot choose to forgive it." -- Kenneth McNoll
Higherawareness.com
I have found that if I swallow what I think of as negative feelings, I'm putting myself into denial and creating a block to moving forward. It's a form of self-censorship, and those buried/denied feelings can paralyze me in other areas. I'm not perfect, I still get bent out of shape at others, and in trying to appear nonchalant about it, I end up avoiding people, places and things where I might do some good. Learning to allow myself to feel my feelings is the only way I can get through them to move on. Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
What a great posting Wren. How very true it is, and theraputic, that we must go through the full realization of the pain to get past it. It reminds me of having to come to the full realization that we are alcoholic to get to the freedom of sobriety. Thank you!...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Wow Chris, would you believe reading this post brought back a memory of a meeting I went to over 10 years ago!?!
I was sharing about my old boss who had retired a couple of years earlier, and who I was glad to say could not have any control over that part of my life anymore. However, when I mentioned that sometimes when I thought of him, I would still get very angry, a wise older lady said, "I thought you said he had no more control over you. It sounds to me like he still does." Bang! Right between the eyes!
That statement of hers had such a profound effect on me that I still remember it years later. I realized that I had to completely let go of that part of my past in order to move forward. When I think of that old boss today, I feel no emotion, almost as if it happened in another life. I honestly have to say that, although I still wouldn't be compelled to attend his funeral, I also no longer nurse thoughts of longing for the day when I can p-ss on his grave! In fact, I hadn't even thought of him for years, and am now, only because of the lesson that I was able to learn from a wise old AA'er.
Bang! Right between the eyes!