Hi everyone, been absent awhile, NORO virus! Yuck! Anyway here's something I want to share because I know the burden will shrink in size. My parents died when I was young. I spent many years in foster care (10). When I was thirteen I moved in with a recovering alcoholic who then adopted me at age seventeen. They were good to me, guided me well. I felt as though I truly walked with god. She used to talk to me everyday and there would be mini meetings in the house. I was a teenager and still drank so I had the best of both worlds. I used the truth when convenient and when I was in need. I worshipped her. She was my bestfriend. I was also afraid of her. I did everything she said. I was a mess as a teenager and became engaged. My fiance became very close to my foster parents. At times I was positive the preferred him to me. I treated him badly sometimes and they constantly citicised me. I felt so betrayed after five years of this I broke up with him and stopped speaking to them. They never even tried to contact me. Thats the way they are. So recently I've started talking to them and getting spiritual advice from her again. I'm engaged and don't even want to introduce them. I've started posting because I feel trapped by her. Like she holds all my faith in her hands. I consider her my sponser for over 12 years. What if nobody else relates to me like she does? I've decided to walk through my fear and try elsewhere. Feel trapped by her.
Welcome to the forum, pp. I'm glad you came. PP there are probably face2face meetings near you. You can probably get some of the support you need there and I recommend that you go to face2face AA meetings, and maybe alanon also. Keep coming here, too.
I had a trapped feeling with my own parents when I was young, before I developed a life of my own. It was a codependency with them, and I didn't know how to get out, and I didn't know how to live a healthy life. I was in two foster homes. I think most of us here know what it is like to have fear, and to try to face it. That is one way we support each other.
Are you still drinking?
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
no not drinking. I started posting couple weeks ago. stopped drinking almost 7 wks ago. I still haven,t mustered up the courage or energy to go to a meeting. I,munsure of the benefits.
You are among people who have or had problems and experiences similar to yours. The fact that many have won the battle over the bottle, shows you that life without liquor is possible. And perhaps even enjoyable.
Sharing: When we speak aloud about our own experiences or problems, we begin to look facts in the face. Speaking aloud also has a therapeutic effect in that it helps us get a better understanding of the problem.
Listening: This is as important as sharing. You hear about a problem just like yours from another source, with detachment. This helps you judge the problem without bias. This provides you with an insight into a common predicament.
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Just having a group of people I see every few days (or sometimes every week, and sometimes every day) helps me. I call it my anchor. I have my meeting at 7 pm and that helps me through the tough time (I have this tough time between @3 in the afternoon and 7 at night. Historically when I made it past six I was home free. These days it's a cakewalk.)
And I know it's kind of silly in a way- especially in light of all the benefits you get from things over time- but some of the discussion is just classis. I've never met so many funny, insightful and passionate people as I have in AA. To me it truly cant be beat.
Does anyone else have to wait for things to download in order to reply to a post? Trying to figure out if it's my computer. Anyway, Toby, yeah I agree. Look at the diversity on this board. I've met more "characters" around the tables, more insightful and sensitive observances both here and at meetings, than I ever did "out there". Of course, in the late sixties, we were an odd and interesting group, too LOL. But where else can we find so many people gathered with one goal in mind? And that's to support eachother while staying sober. I've also found much more laughter around the tables that was genuine than I ever did in the places I frequented. And I can even remember the punch line the next day.....
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
wren, I do too. and it looks different than it used to - more choices. So it's not you, but it's okay. Nothing seems wrong with it.. just takes a couple more changes to get going.
love to all, in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Ah, thanks Amanda. I downloaded an update for IE, and was ready to go in and spend a few hours trying to track the error down. Good good, now I can bake brownies instead, LOL. Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
